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Amritdhari Husband having extra marital affair

asked 2017-05-04 07:50:25 -0600

Jastej gravatar image

updated 2017-05-09 18:10:58 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image


I was married for last 15 years and my son is of 14 years. My husband is Amritdhari sikh and he told me to be amritdhari. Even I had done the same before marriage but after marriage it was difficult for me to follow rules of amritdhari as I was working in Corporate sector where I had to maintain my looks. My married life was very bad since beginning. In starting there was financial and family disputes. I feel he was Mama's boy and it will take some time for him to understand the place of wife in life.

We have so many fights since beginning issues are financial about my salary which in starting I had given to my father-in-law, going to my parents home, household work and so on. I was keep trying to fulfill all his wishes but all in vein. He always told me lie things and disrespect my integrity as a women. Abuse me in front of his family, my son and in alone also but I was thinking one day he will understand. He had taken me out of his parental home. For last 11 years we are leaving at rental home. So many times I convinced him emotionally, pressurized to purchase a home for our future. Even I am agreed to give all of my savings to him for purchase of home but he always given so many excuses for not purchasing home and showing me wrong for each and everything that I will not allow him to stay in the house. I will show him the power of my money and so on. Actually, I am working and taking care of maximum household expenses since beginning which he wants me to do.

Now, for last one year I get to know he is in extra marital affair with an unmarried woman which was disclosed by my son only and now he openely came in front of me and said in Gurudwara that he is in extra marital affair with a woman but he and his girl friend had sexual relationship also but when I made an issue of this thing at home. He was not accepting his relationship but even saying he will not keep any relationship with anybody including me in front of his mother. His mother knows all the facts but she was also refusing for the same.

I don't know what to do? He behaves very badly with me. He abuse me and my parents alot and now I don't what he was going to do with me and my son. He was playing with my emotions from a day one and make me a victim for all his faults. Is Amritdhari sikh can keep extra marital affair with non sikh women and show himself as amritdhari sikh.

Now, I am feeling what am giving my son what he learn from his parents.

Please guide me.

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answered 2017-05-04 14:55:59 -0600

gn gravatar image


Can you not just move back to your parents house, no one should put up with abuse and accept it, otherwise he will never learn that he is wrong.

There are some Sikh organisations you can talk to for example Sikh helpline ( If you need to talk to more Sangat, Sikh net have their own forum, and

Just remain strong and do ardaas to Guru ji to give you and your son strength and a solution to all your problem.

A Sikh cannot have a physical relation outside marriage, Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji said a Sikh cannot even go to another womens bed even in his dreams regardless if he or she is Amritdari.

Please forgive me if i said anything wrong.

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answered 2017-05-11 07:21:17 -0600

Jastej gravatar image


Actually, my son was 14 years old now and he don't want to leave his father and mother both. If I will go to my family then situation will take more worse situation. Everything will be opened in front of my family and him. Now, if they will take any step or will not take any step will create a lot of problem. They will take any step the only end is divorce and if they will not take any step this will make him believe that he can do anything. Nobody will say anything to him. I told him to take a one decision whether to live with me or with her but he was not responding properly. He always told me to take divorce if there is no quality in him. He abuse me alot! Now, he started washing his clothes himself and even sometime prepare his chapati also but not taking responsibility of his son and mine. Since, beginning am taking care of my son whole expenses and for myself also. Today, also he was talking to that girl and if I asked him to tell that with whom you are talking then he said this is none of your business. I will not tell you and if she will come to meet him and her parents will come to meet her. He will meet her and discuss with her otherwise she will commit suicide. My only hope is 'God'. Am not understanding what he want to do? He want to be in two boats which is not acceptable. Please guide me.

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answered 2017-05-13 19:51:58 -0600

strongKaur gravatar image

updated 2017-05-13 19:52:58 -0600

I agree with Gn's comment. I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Its good that you are financially independent because it means you have options to support yourself. It sounds like perhaps the finances is an issue because it’s the deeper issue of a man wanting to be the breadwinner and the supporter of his family. I am sure it is difficult for him to see you fulfill this role and perhaps makes him feel insecure. His abuse is simply unacceptable. He should not be controlling your finances, or your ability to visit your parents, etc. You are not responsible for fulfilling all of his wishes. Relationships are about working together and it sounds like he hasn’t been making much of an effort. I am saddened to hear that not only is he having an affair but continues this relationship and seems to want you to approve. I agree with you that it is unacceptable. I can’t imagine how hurt you must be. What he wants is sounds like to have a sexual relationship with this woman, but have you financially supporting him as his wife. I can’t tell you what to do, you have to decide what’s right for you. But consider your options of divorcing him, marriage counselling (working it out), temporarily separating (moving out) without divorcing and taking some time apart, and/or simply being firm on no tolerance to his relationship with her (either he’s with you, or he is divorcing you because he doesn’t get to have a girlfriend on the side… does this woman know that he’s married?). It’s better an open situation in front of your family than a hidden one I think, but that’s your decision to be made. You’ll want as much support as possible. In regards to her comment about suicide if he leaves her- It’s her choice what she does with her life and I mean she very well could be serious about it but that’s not your fault or issue and not his either. It’s your choice what you do with yours. Do what you think will be best for you and your son.

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Thanks for your reply. Now my husband started pushing me to file a MCD (Mutual Consent Divorce). I have all the recordings where he was pushing me for MCD. Even abusing on me & my family. Mentally harassing me. Am concerned about my son. What about his future? What to do? He is washing his mind?

Jastej gravatar imageJastej ( 2017-05-16 11:43:40 -0600 )edit

Took divorce and enjoy life

Amandeep007 gravatar imageAmandeep007 ( 2018-06-22 06:46:46 -0600 )edit

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Asked: 2017-05-04 07:50:25 -0600

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Last updated: May 13 '17