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Advice and feeling depressed all the time

asked 2017-11-25 14:07:07 -0500

anon gravatar image

updated 2017-11-28 15:32:58 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I am currently doing professional school but every time I call home , there is always something wrong My parents have always fought, I don't remember the time they were ever happy. My father is an abusive man, he is both physically and emotionally abusive to my mom. But my mom is living with him because , he is the one who is paying my tuition. I feel constantly depressed , because I cannot really do anything, even emotionally I cannot support her because professional school is very high level stress environment and I would fail if I didn't focus most of my energy on studying.

I don't really know what to do , as my father keeps getting abusive by the day , and my mom keeps tolerating it since she dreams of me becoming a doctor. I am constantly depressed , unhappy and don't really talk to anyone.

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answered 2017-11-25 20:15:30 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

It must be a hard situation to be in, not being able to help your mom but you have managed to get away from the abuse. Have you gotten some counseling? It can be really helpful to process some of these feelings but sometimes can take some time to get someone that is a good fit. Many times schools and professional programs or workplaces have free counseling services. It’s okay that you can’t emotionally support her as much as you’d like, because you really do need to focus on your own wellbeing and your schooling. It’s not you or your mom’s fault that your dad is behaving this way. I’m sure she has lots of reasons she is staying, because its hard to leave a marriage after so long especially if she isn’t financially independent. Are there other options for your mom- like living with a relative? Are there other options for you to do your schooling, like bursaries, loans? Is there a possibility of encouraging your mom to see her own doctor to connect her with resources. I don’t know if your mother would ever consider police involvement. Ultimately you need to remember to put yourself as a priority, and take care of your own health even if that means distancing yourself a little. With the depression, going to see a doctor to start some medication might be an option for you as well.

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answered 2017-12-25 16:50:26 -0500

sanjlon gravatar image

updated 2017-12-25 16:52:21 -0500

Threaten your father with divorce of your mother and tell him to lay off or else you will tell the authorities of wife abuse physical and mental! and this could send him to jail for a few months? this might just put him off! face it once! he will know his place and stop! (talking from experience!) Waheguru give you and your mom strength!

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answered 2018-01-12 16:55:45 -0500

amangahunia gravatar image

updated 2018-01-12 17:01:03 -0500

I can understand the high level of stress your are experiencing in many areas: familial stress/relationship, parental arguments/conflict, school stress, financial stress, time/energy level depletion, and anxiety/worried about the future. I am going to try my best to address most of our issues.

Familial stress/relationship: You mentioned you feel guilty because you are not able to emotionally provide any support to your mother while she is having to deal with certain arguments from your father. Your conflict here has to do with distance - being far away from your family. One suggestion is speaking to your mother and father regularly over the phone. Keeping them updated about your whereabouts, friends, what's happening in school - whether you have a midterm/exam to study for. It would be beneficial to you and it shows that you are keeping them involved in your life even while being far away. Another suggestion, is maybe setting some time before you go to sleep doing paat or listening to Gurbani over the phone. This will build your relationship closer to Waheguru and closer to your parents. It will show that you care deeply and sincerely about their wellbeing. It will help you and your parents sleep better at night knowing that you are continuously trying to build the relationship. "Waheguru da naam jappo" - this means pray to his name. Your mom is probably worried sick about you. You probably don't know, but she probably prays for you to do well in your studies. If you prayed together, how meaningful would that be. Then when you have completed it will be 1000x more special.

Parental arguments/conflict: Well if you and your mom are praying together, then that means your dad will take notice and appreciate all that you are doing. Combined with attending class and studying, you are still giving time to worship Waheguru. I don't know if you are a guy or a girl, but even guys need to pray too.

School stress: Have good friends that you can study with. If you are going out/socializing too much. I suggest you stop and pay attention to your studies. Then you wouldn't be so worried so much. You are away for school. So please, do your dharma - duty/responsibilities and complete your degree. If you are doing well in school, midterm/exams...then your parents will be somewhat stress-free. So think about the repercussions first. If you have to study, and friends are pressuring you to go out, choose to study. Set your priorities first. Time management is key - you can plan ahead and go out some other time. That is perfectly okay. Listen to shabad's, gurbani, paat while studying. It will improve attention/concentration levels.

Time/energy level depletion: You mentioned you want to give more of your time to school/studying and your parents. Talk to your parents everyday. Tell them about what you are doing. Be positive in your conversations with them. Talk ... (more)

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Asked: 2017-11-25 14:07:07 -0500

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Last updated: Jan 12 '18