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Is this the end?

asked 2018-12-13 23:32:31 -0600

Satvinder gravatar image

updated 2018-12-14 09:48:10 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the ... (more)

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answered 2018-12-18 17:08:38 -0600

Tarran Singh gravatar image

I totally agreed with Guruka babaji, and his supportive comments. If you are struggling to get up for sadhana, maybe you can go to the Gurudwara that you mentioned to do nitnem there, if they offer, or help with morning sukhasan seva etc... Sangat can always be really helpful to support your Amrit Vela practice. Also doing seva for Maharaj may be helpful in getting up, as Guru showers blessings on those that serve him. Best wishess bhenji

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answered 2018-12-14 09:45:09 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2018-12-14 09:47:04 -0600

Wow, what a story... a story of faith, survival and devotion. Bhenji, you are a very blessed woman. You have gone through the karmas and never avoided payment but rather kept hold of Guruji's hem and went through the fire.

The strongest steel goes through the hottest fire. You have been prepared and cleansed in Guruji's classroom where you have taken the hard lessons with grace under fire. Now it is time for a new chapter in your life. Anchor your day in your Amrit Vela sadhana and stay close to your breath. Waheguru is with you in every moment.

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Thank you very much for your respond. I try to get up early and do my nitnem at Amrit Vela. But I'm struggling as I'm working all day at home, and outside at work. I manage it sometimes but other times I fail. I do feel guilty and next day I promise myself to get up early but still doesn't happeen.

Satvinder gravatar imageSatvinder ( 2018-12-14 20:14:10 -0600 )edit

Thank you for your kind and uplifting words. Certainly feeling positive after your such kind words. I appreciate the understanding around the whole situation.

Satvinder gravatar imageSatvinder ( 2018-12-15 05:01:09 -0600 )edit

Please don't waste your energy by feeling guilty. Each day is fresh and new with no mistakes in it. Begin fresh each day.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2018-12-17 10:17:45 -0600 )edit

Guruka Singh thank you for your respond. I do start everyday as new day but I do feel guilty when I can't get up in the morning to do path as I plan the evening before. I'm at point where I just want out of grehasdi life and just live in peace, where I don't need to worry about worldly relations..

Satvinder gravatar imageSatvinder ( 2018-12-18 00:27:30 -0600 )edit

I understand how you feel, but 'Gariste ashram mahan ashram'.. there is no higher life than that of a householder who remembers the One. The entire world is supported on the backs of householders. Celibate life incarnation comes before married life incarnation.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2018-12-18 10:18:39 -0600 )edit

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Asked: 2018-12-13 23:32:31 -0600

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Last updated: Dec 18 '18