Revision history [back]

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the Gurdwara so that no one sees me, I'm sitting to do path I can't stop crying. How can I get rid of this pain? I'm tired. I feel so lonely I just want to Waheguru..

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the Gurdwara so that no one sees me, I'm sitting to do path I can't stop crying. How can I get rid of this pain? I'm tired. I feel so lonely I just want to Waheguru..

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the Gurdwara so that no one sees me, I'm sitting to do path I can't stop crying. How can I get rid of this pain? I'm tired. I feel so lonely I just want to talk to my Waheguru..

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the Gurdwara so that no one sees me, I'm sitting to do path I can't stop crying. How can I get rid of this pain? I'm tired. I feel so lonely I just want to talk to my Waheguru..Waheguru Ji..

It was an arrange marriage. I was married at very young age. He turned out to be an alcholic. I had one son with him. Slowly it turned into drugs. When I wanted to leave him family didn't support me, (As those days divorce could not hapoen) then I had another child with him, thinking my life is ruined at least my son will have company.. 5 long horrible years, two kids then.. my parents told me to leave him as he was never going to get better. But by then I decided to stay with him that when no one supported me, my Waheguru was with me. I decided my Waheguru will always with me and HE will make him better one day. Everyday of my life have been a tourture. But i didnt leave him, as people look at you like you must be the wrong character or something as a woman if you are divorcee.. Ten years ago my eldest son told me to leave him. But I thought he is still a child as was only ten at that time, I should not leave him as when he grows up he may never belive me, I rather he see with his own eyes that how I suffered and protected him and grow up knowing he has a father rather than a childhood without father. Even though he never did any fatherly duties. Now 20 years gone by.. my husband was clean in between for very short times,however he has fallen back on his old habits again where can he can never come out of. But of course Waheguru can bring him back. However he thinks he has fallen in love with a white woman who is also a druggie and he has no care in the world for me and kids. My sons are telling me they hate me and will not even talk to me. They have so much anger towards him which I feel they take their frustrations out on me. I only tried to do the best I could to give them father and I hope one day we all can have proper family life. I ruined my life to give him a clean life but it didn't happen. Today.. I still believe in my Waheguru.. but I don't know what to expect. Is this a way of Waheguru telling me I don't need this mess in my life any more.. but everything hurts as I cared for him for 20 years, cried for him, I worked alone while he was enjoying his life, raised my boys myself, he knows nothing. I fought with his bad so called friends, fought with his parents to send him to rehab centres. Is this the end? I keep crying. Everytime I go to Gurdwara and sit in front of Waheguru Ji, I'm crying, i hide my face from sangat but its so severe many times i have to leave the Gurdwara so that no one sees me, I'm sitting to do path I can't stop crying. How can I get rid of this pain? I'm tired. I feel so lonely I just want to talk to my Waheguru Ji..