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Unkind brother in law

asked 2012-04-25 12:04:06 -0600

anonymous user


updated 2012-05-02 18:38:34 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

My brother in law has been unkind to me for over ten years, I know I was not nice to him when was being mean to me, I have apologized extensively and gone out of my way to be nice to him for years now. He is married with a young son, him and his wife don't let me hold their son, they always take him from and say he has to be fed or diaper has to be changed, but they don't do it, instead they hold him, put him down or give him to my husband who is his brother. My brother in law has repeatedly chosen his wife over everyone, which I credit him because she is his family, but he tends to make my husband choose between me and him, for example only inviting him over to visit, only calling him, emailing him pics of our nephew even though I am the one who asks for pictures. When they moved out they never told is they had bought a house until friends told us and we asked them, even than my husband looks past that. In the last 4 to 5 years I have sent them endless invites to come visit, for us to visit them, for dinner for going out for Christmas, either my brother in law doesn't answer me or respond back or says he didn't any of my messages... Yet he always messages my husband after not inviting him over for almost 4 years, again my husband looks past that, they haven't said happy birthday to me in 5 years, he has shouted at me and ignores me at times and wants only my husband to visit him and his family, yet he is close to his wife and I know he would not let anyone be mean to her, it hurts me so bad that I can't function sometime, and the worst of it for me is that my husband admits he knows his brother is playing games but he doesn't say anything, I do understand that a lot of the time is not in front of him but things like not saying happy bday, pretending he doesn't get my calls, shouldn't my husband confront him? I tell myself that the reason he spent push it is cuz his bro will deny it, but on the meantime I am becoming broken... I feel like he choosing his bro over his own wife? Any advise? His brother also gives no help in helping with his parents and hardly comes to visit but they still prefer my sister in law over me, is it okay for my husband to keep in touch with his bro, as everything is normal for the sake of peace or should not be always engaging in messaging him back every time he calls, and of so I can I handle so if doesn't make me cry all the time ... (more)

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answered 2012-05-02 13:04:37 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Bhen Ji - Yes! Your husband must confront his brother. He needs to get his priorities sorted. His responsibility as your husband is to stand up for you, defend you and not allow any slander, insult or abuse. It is never to late to act. When he talks to his brother as if this behavior is not happening, that very action is an insult to you. He needs to wake up and put you first. When he did the Lavan with you he committed that he is one with you. He cannot separate himself in some situations. His weakness is demeaning to both you and him as well.

Guru rakha, .....G

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answered 2018-01-31 17:17:44 -0600

amangahunia gravatar image

Yes. He needs to put you first and strengthen your relationship. Confrontation needs to be done, but with a rational and calm mind. Try writing thoughts out on paper. This will help to clear your mind of irrational thinking towards him. Be mindful of what you are saying and how it is being communicated - through your non verbal language. Try directing your positive energy towards the children of your brother in law. Arrange a play date or a fun activity at home with all the children. Even when there is a family get together, direct your energy towards the children. Because you are positive and caring towards their children, maybe your brother in law will appreciate this attribute about you. You have to keep in mind that families in general are not perfect and differences will always occur. Unfortunately that is the reality. Always do what your able to do within your capabilities. If that means, putting your love and thoughtfulness towards the people who truly appreciate your efforts, then do that. You are a member and apart of that family so you must understand that you have a role within that family system. Put forth your positive energy anywhere it may be useful - even if you may think its not making a huge difference. Over time, it will make a difference. Sometimes in our families the people who we love don't always love us in return, and that is okay. You begin to accept, but don't let that lower your self-esteem. Like I mentioned before, direct energy where it counts and where it matters.

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Asked: 2012-04-25 12:04:06 -0600

Seen: 3,653 times

Last updated: Jan 31 '18