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Confused sikh

asked 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0600

Anonymous sikh gravatar image

updated 2013-06-04 06:53:33 -0600

Hi I am a little confused regarding Sikhism and sikh practices. First and foremost all my sikh friends and family members are clean shaven yet I am the only turbaned sikh among them, by now I am fed up of being a turbaned sikh and I desire to cut my hair, would it be okay for me to cut my hair since I am the last turbaned sikh person in my family? Secondly is it okay to trim one's beard ?, as I face this problem daily of maintaining my beard daily. I have noticed many of my friends have sikh girlfriends yet I being a turbaned sikh also desire the same like every guy but unfortunately many sikh girls want a clean shaven sikh guy as their boyfriend. Is it wrong to desire to be like every one else? Many times when I had asked this question to other Sikhs whether a sikh can have a girlfriend they all seemed to give me age old lecture that having a relationship is against Sikhism. Why do I get lectured for trying to being like others? I used to run a Sikhism based website but now I have shut my Sikhism based website down as many sikh guys and girls my age group would label me as extremist, fanatic, and also orthodox minded. While I was enthusiast towards Sikhism I was not encouraged to pursue it further, but now I have taken a decision not to wear a turban ever again as I while cutting my hair as well. I am sure many of you reading will probably feel I have taken the wrong decision well I am fed up of being singled out.

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answered 2012-11-29 10:35:07 -0600

pawan gravatar image

Bhai Sahib,

I know what is is like to be ridiculed by your own family and friends for looking and acting so differently from the rest of the crowd. To be honest, no one will encourage you to follow Sikhi, especially those who do not follow the rehat themselves. I'm sure since you've studied up on Sikhi since you were a website designer. You must have also heard the quote, "Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out." If it's respect that you are asking for from your friends and family, you will not receive as a Sikh. You must remember that your self-respect comes from the Guru, since He is your spiritual guider. There was a time in my life when I too doubted whether I should keep my hair. So, one day I brought home a hair straightner, because I'd been planning to trim the ends of my hair. Luckily, my mom made me return the hair straightner, telling me that this type of fashion was not allowed in Sikhism. I've second doubted myself too. I went to an all-white Christian high school where I was the only turbaned Sikh girl in my class. I wanted to be like them, but deep in my heart I knew I could never be one of them, no matter how hard I tried. That same year, I took amrit and became a Singhini. When I went to school, I got some weird looks from my classmates and some wouldn't even speak me anymore. I don't regret the decision that I've made, and let me tell you, you will regret cutting your hair, even if it is a trimmed beard. You need to be all in for the Guru or all out. You must either decide to keep your hair or cut it, and there are no in betweens. I respect your honesty and your frustrations. I understand where you're coming from. Although I may not know you personally, I will request you veer ji, as your Sikh sister to not take this drastic step in your life just because you're afraid what others may think of you. May Waheguru bless your life and help you Sikhi flourish, so that you can reach out to those family and friends that cut their hair and have girlfriends. Whatever you decide to do, I wish the best for you.

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answered 2012-12-02 18:40:40 -0600

Prabh Kaur gravatar image

Seriously wish there was a way to stop you. You would have found a beautiful partner who loved you for who you are not for your appearance. But if you have no respect for the Sikh saroop then no one here can help you.

I am a girl so you may say, I can't understand and it's easy for girls to blend in. But believe me, girls get bullied too. Sikhi isn't about being the first or last, it comes from within the heart. May be give it another thought.

Really wish there was a way to stop ya. May waheguru bless you. You should be proud of your Sikhi saroop, not be frustrated with it. Really don't know what to say to you, your words "decision is final" are so strong :-|

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Sir, I need you to answer a few questions to yourself ......you say that it is frustration and you are fed up.and etc etc etc...... and you may be right ....and after all it is your decision(atleast it seems so to you and all) ......just try to be truthful to urself with the questions (no need even to give replies here)

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:46:06 -0600 )edit

(1) Are you or are you not chosing ther easiet way out. (2) Are you sure (a 100% and not an iota less) that you'll achieve this fit in by doing it? (3) What if the problem is something else , you may lose your hair and still end up struggling to solve the same problem ? (4) Is this the first set of things in your life that has brought you to a similar dejected state. I mean if there have been instances when you felt very very down(reasons and causes may be any), what was the final solution that you tried. Giving up on the most blatantly visible aspect of it or trying to achieve a more amicable and feasible solution (5) last one, lets respect your decision to give up on the saroop, the question is why settle for only the saroop...there were better things you ...(more)

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:53:57 -0600 )edit

The idea is not to convince you. Just wanted you to give a deeper thought , which I am sure you already have, but let us give one more deeper dive. Decision like this would not be going easy on you and I am very sorry for you that you have to go through all this. And don't forget to watch kungu panda (part-1) ...... the guy says that the thing with destiny is that one often confronts it head on on the way he take to try to avoid it......waht will you do and give up then.

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:57:00 -0600 )edit

Anonymous sikh, Maybe I didn't make myself clear:I'm the ONLY turbaned Sikh girl in my whole town if not the whole city AND the only one in my family but I haven't given up. I'm Guru Gobind Singh Ji's daughter. I SERIOUSLY don't blend in but I will NEVER, with Guru Ji's kirpa, lose my sikhi saroop.

Kaurageouswarrior1699 gravatar imageKaurageouswarrior1699 ( 2012-12-03 06:50:47 -0600 )edit

OMG jas15283 I love Kung Fu Panda and totally agree with you.

Kaurageouswarrior1699 gravatar imageKaurageouswarrior1699 ( 2012-12-03 06:55:01 -0600 )edit
1

answered 2012-11-29 15:04:40 -0600

pawan gravatar image

You're absolutely correct Bhai Sahib. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't feel odd at my school. Even though I felt odd and different from the rest, I did not let my differences affect my relationship with the Guru. I had a few friends, but most of everyone else ignored me. There were also people that gossiped behind my back about how I was probably related to terrorists and how ugly or "manly" I looked since I didn't remove my small facial hairs. Although, there were others that showed me respect whenever I did well on a test or got some award. For my Senior speech, I brought my vaaja (harmonium) to class, and I introduced my English class to the poetic verses of Kirtan. The class was amazed at how well I sang, and they even requested me to perform a Shabad. So, I was verbally harassed for some time. I even considered leaving the school, but I didn't. Both Sikh men and women are harassed for wearing their turbans, especially Sikh women, since there so few women that are willing to tie a dastaar. After I took amrit, I did not begin to tie a dastaar right away. For about three years I wore a patka over my bun like some bibiaa do at the gurudwara. During my senior year in high school, I was finally able to muster up the courage to don the crown, my dastaar. I paced myself through my journey as a Sikh. I took things slowly, and veer ji you just need to relax and take your own steps toward Waheguru slowly. The first step to take is to keep your hair. You don't need to make too many commitments with yourself all at once. When you are ready to progress forwards, He will show you the way. May you walk without fear as a brave sant-sipahi. -Sincerely Your Sikh Sister:)

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answered 2012-12-03 10:32:40 -0600

jas15283 gravatar image

Sir, I need you to answer a few questions to yourself ......you say that it is frustration and you are fed up.and etc etc etc...... and you may be right ....and after all it is your decision(atleast it seems so to you and all) ......just try to be truthful to urself with the questions (no need even to give replies here)

(1) Are you or are you not choosing the easiest way out. (2) Are you sure (a 100% and not an iota less) that you'll achieve this fit in by doing it? (3) What if the problem is something else , you may lose your hair and still end up struggling to solve the same problem ? (4) Is this the first set of things in your life that has brought you to a similar dejected state. I mean if there have been instances when you felt very very down(reasons and causes may be any), what was the final solution that you tried. Giving up on the most blatantly visible aspect of it or trying to achieve a more amicable and feasible solution (5) last one, lets respect your decision to give up on the saroop, the question is why settle for only the saroop...there were better things you could have given up or atleast tried....how come the decision settle on the kes.

The idea is not to convince you. Just wanted you to give a deeper thought , which I am sure you already have, but let us give one more deeper dive. Decision like this would not be going easy on you and I am very sorry for you that you have to go through all this. And don't forget to watch kungu panda (part-1) ...... the guy says that the thing with destiny is that one often confronts it head on on the way he take to try to avoid it......waht will you do and give up then.

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1

answered 2013-06-05 13:06:51 -0600

kaurk2012 gravatar image

Reading this you reminded me of my guy friend from a while back .When I met him initially he was a sikh but was clean shaved. But later he stared reading about Sikhism and keeping his beard and the took a trip to India came back in sikh roop. He was so encouraged by sikhi that he even wrote a book about it. He use to also tell me how his immediate family and parents were not happy about his decision.Although he was very strong minded and he loved the path he had chosen. So my point is you are not the only who feels this way their are many other Sikhs too so don't give this will all go away just focus on other goals in life . Hope this helps .

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1

answered 2013-07-12 06:06:02 -0600

jaz1980 gravatar image

You only should keep long hair and a beard if you follow the Sikh religion as a Sikh man who cut my hair several months ago as I drank, ate meat,smoke and also had a trimmed beard and done it for years wearing a turban. I was giving a bad name for true Sikhs who follow the religion. I may wear a turban and have a long beard in the future again but only if I can follow Sikhi properly. What is wrong I think is families making their sons keep long hair if they don't understand the religion. Decisions about following religion should be made when you are an adult and not forced onto you when you are a kid.

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answered 2012-12-01 13:23:06 -0600

waheguru g ka khalsa waheguru g ki fateh.. i just want to say you that now i am a amritdari.. and i cut my breed almost two years.. i am also ready to cut all my hairs.. then guru"s kirpa came on me.. i am also frausted like you even more than you.. today i am proud to be a sikh.. its not important how many girlfrnd you have more i mportant is that anyone is loyal with you.. these all are stupid things.. which we have crase for short time.. but our guru,, i have no words.. you will see if u follow guru"s path your luck will follow you.. and i am the victim of this.. jis rakhe saia use mar ske na koi.. i will not stop u go ahead.. but make one thing in your mind.. without him we are nothing.. we rae just zerooooooooo.. rab rakha..

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answered 2012-12-03 11:35:37 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Dear confused Sikh - You have to have your own experience. It all happens in Waheguru's hukam. Your hair will grow whether you cut it or not. It grows no matter what you decide to do or not to do. If you keep your hairs that will lead to that experience. If you cut your hairs, you will have a different experience. The important thing is to learn and understand who you are and why you took this incarnation. What are you here to deliver? Either you deliver it, or it will destroy you. It's that simple.

Guru rakha, .....G

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answered 2013-11-14 10:56:10 -0600

My dear friend i think I'm too much late

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answered 2013-11-25 17:19:03 -0600

parmar gravatar image

updated 2013-11-25 17:20:45 -0600

i am too late now i think. even if am too late i will tell u one thing. people do not like other people who look different but at same time claim their are open minded (ironic). Especially do not look for support from our sikh punjabi ppls. they themselves do not follow sikhi and cannot guide u. if u r in foreign country then do not even bother to get help from your cousins, brothers as they most likely to born as white inside but brown outside mindset. i do not follow sikhi as it should be followed but i never trimmed my head hair and never removed my turban. by the way all my frds r non indians and i also live in foreign.

forgive me for my bad grammar as i am not a grammar guy

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Asked: 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0600

Seen: 7,688 times

Last updated: Aug 26 '14