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Confused sikh

asked 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0600

Anonymous sikh gravatar image

updated 2013-06-04 06:53:33 -0600

Hi I am a little confused regarding Sikhism and sikh practices. First and foremost all my sikh friends and family members are clean shaven yet I am the only turbaned sikh among them, by now I am fed up of being a turbaned sikh and I desire to cut my hair, would it be okay for me to cut my hair since I am the last turbaned sikh person in my family? Secondly is it okay to trim one's beard ?, as I face this problem daily of maintaining my beard daily. I have noticed many of my friends have sikh girlfriends yet I being a turbaned sikh also desire the same like every guy but unfortunately many sikh girls want a clean shaven sikh guy as their boyfriend. Is it wrong to desire to be like every one else? Many times when I had asked this question to other Sikhs whether a sikh can have a girlfriend they all seemed to give me age old lecture that having a relationship is against Sikhism. Why do I get lectured for trying to being like others? I used to run a Sikhism based website but now I have shut my Sikhism based website down as many sikh guys and girls my age group would label me as extremist, fanatic, and also orthodox minded. While I was enthusiast towards Sikhism I was not encouraged to pursue it further, but now I have taken a decision not to wear a turban ever again as I while cutting my hair as well. I am sure many of you reading will probably feel I have taken the wrong decision well I am fed up of being singled out.

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answered 2014-08-26 22:27:03 -0600

godissuperkind gravatar image

For people in a sumilar situation again ..

Watch a youtube postmortem video to know if its worth altering your sikh appearance.. It will help.

God is and shall always remain Superkind

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answered 2014-06-30 05:30:31 -0600

Bro im not amrit shak i dont have beard i dont have kase (hair) and neither do my parents, eveyday of my life i get really sad that my parents didnt make me religious im 15 years old and i got into sikhi last year trust me bro i know its really hard doing this but u have to stay strong i know u dont want to hear the same lecture over and over again but what good is a girlfriend, imagin it this way ur going to be messing around with someone elses wife i morn everyday that i was born into a more sikhi aware family. Everytime i walk into a gurdwara i feel ashamed. I dont know how to face guru granth sahib ji . Trust me its the worst feeling in the world i just cant wait till i have the readyness to be a singh ur lucky u still have a beard and hair im a disgrace i dont think you would want to be one as well. Trust me man dont cut ur hair in what face are u going to do darshan of the ten gurus i know im a screw up but doesnt mean u have to be. Dont care what people say do what is right just keep ur hair and do nitnem watch u will have the most beautyful wife in the world just please bro please dont cut ur hair

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answered 2013-12-07 22:10:06 -0600

ghuman gravatar image

Hi dear friend, I truly understand your situation because I have been there, I born in a strict sikh family, when I was younger I followed everything my parents taught and encouraged me, as I got in grade 10, I felt exactly same like you, and I was in two worlds, with time being am ended up clean shaved moderng kind of guy, I truly love Sikhism and teaching of all guru sahibaan, I cant see any other gurus or religion perfect like this, guru ji taught us so much, but basic things and easy ones are love and meditate god which is universal and same one for every person on this planet, just different way of calling. Being a proper sikh is a great thing and you can fulfill your life with great inner peace and happiness, at the same time you can't force yourself too much sticking to this way of life if it doesn't comes from inside you naturally, whatever thing's make you happy and excites you, I dnt think its any bad thing, you have to live your life the way you really want to, you cant have any regerts, if you didn't have a second thought abt being a amritdhari sikh that would be a super great thing, but otherwise 6ou are human being and you have right to choose whatever you want, it's better to be a non sikh rather than being a fake sikh, as in my case I have done everything 8 wanted and have no regrets, I still worship god in my own way, you can still love God, urself and people, you dnt need a label and anyone else's permission, thats just my experience and my point of views, am sorry if I offended anyone, I respect all and everyone's believes. But I think we can share our thoughts and opinions yeah?

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answered 2013-11-25 17:19:03 -0600

parmar gravatar image

updated 2013-11-25 17:20:45 -0600

i am too late now i think. even if am too late i will tell u one thing. people do not like other people who look different but at same time claim their are open minded (ironic). Especially do not look for support from our sikh punjabi ppls. they themselves do not follow sikhi and cannot guide u. if u r in foreign country then do not even bother to get help from your cousins, brothers as they most likely to born as white inside but brown outside mindset. i do not follow sikhi as it should be followed but i never trimmed my head hair and never removed my turban. by the way all my frds r non indians and i also live in foreign.

forgive me for my bad grammar as i am not a grammar guy

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answered 2013-11-14 10:56:10 -0600

My dear friend i think I'm too much late

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answered 2013-07-12 06:06:02 -0600

jaz1980 gravatar image

You only should keep long hair and a beard if you follow the Sikh religion as a Sikh man who cut my hair several months ago as I drank, ate meat,smoke and also had a trimmed beard and done it for years wearing a turban. I was giving a bad name for true Sikhs who follow the religion. I may wear a turban and have a long beard in the future again but only if I can follow Sikhi properly. What is wrong I think is families making their sons keep long hair if they don't understand the religion. Decisions about following religion should be made when you are an adult and not forced onto you when you are a kid.

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answered 2013-06-05 13:06:51 -0600

kaurk2012 gravatar image

Reading this you reminded me of my guy friend from a while back .When I met him initially he was a sikh but was clean shaved. But later he stared reading about Sikhism and keeping his beard and the took a trip to India came back in sikh roop. He was so encouraged by sikhi that he even wrote a book about it. He use to also tell me how his immediate family and parents were not happy about his decision.Although he was very strong minded and he loved the path he had chosen. So my point is you are not the only who feels this way their are many other Sikhs too so don't give this will all go away just focus on other goals in life . Hope this helps .

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answered 2012-12-03 11:35:37 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Dear confused Sikh - You have to have your own experience. It all happens in Waheguru's hukam. Your hair will grow whether you cut it or not. It grows no matter what you decide to do or not to do. If you keep your hairs that will lead to that experience. If you cut your hairs, you will have a different experience. The important thing is to learn and understand who you are and why you took this incarnation. What are you here to deliver? Either you deliver it, or it will destroy you. It's that simple.

Guru rakha, .....G

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answered 2012-12-03 10:32:40 -0600

jas15283 gravatar image

Sir, I need you to answer a few questions to yourself ......you say that it is frustration and you are fed up.and etc etc etc...... and you may be right ....and after all it is your decision(atleast it seems so to you and all) ......just try to be truthful to urself with the questions (no need even to give replies here)

(1) Are you or are you not choosing the easiest way out. (2) Are you sure (a 100% and not an iota less) that you'll achieve this fit in by doing it? (3) What if the problem is something else , you may lose your hair and still end up struggling to solve the same problem ? (4) Is this the first set of things in your life that has brought you to a similar dejected state. I mean if there have been instances when you felt very very down(reasons and causes may be any), what was the final solution that you tried. Giving up on the most blatantly visible aspect of it or trying to achieve a more amicable and feasible solution (5) last one, lets respect your decision to give up on the saroop, the question is why settle for only the saroop...there were better things you could have given up or atleast tried....how come the decision settle on the kes.

The idea is not to convince you. Just wanted you to give a deeper thought , which I am sure you already have, but let us give one more deeper dive. Decision like this would not be going easy on you and I am very sorry for you that you have to go through all this. And don't forget to watch kungu panda (part-1) ...... the guy says that the thing with destiny is that one often confronts it head on on the way he take to try to avoid it......waht will you do and give up then.

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answered 2012-12-02 18:40:40 -0600

Prabh Kaur gravatar image

Seriously wish there was a way to stop you. You would have found a beautiful partner who loved you for who you are not for your appearance. But if you have no respect for the Sikh saroop then no one here can help you.

I am a girl so you may say, I can't understand and it's easy for girls to blend in. But believe me, girls get bullied too. Sikhi isn't about being the first or last, it comes from within the heart. May be give it another thought.

Really wish there was a way to stop ya. May waheguru bless you. You should be proud of your Sikhi saroop, not be frustrated with it. Really don't know what to say to you, your words "decision is final" are so strong :-|

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Comments

Sir, I need you to answer a few questions to yourself ......you say that it is frustration and you are fed up.and etc etc etc...... and you may be right ....and after all it is your decision(atleast it seems so to you and all) ......just try to be truthful to urself with the questions (no need even to give replies here)

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:46:06 -0600 )edit

(1) Are you or are you not chosing ther easiet way out. (2) Are you sure (a 100% and not an iota less) that you'll achieve this fit in by doing it? (3) What if the problem is something else , you may lose your hair and still end up struggling to solve the same problem ? (4) Is this the first set of things in your life that has brought you to a similar dejected state. I mean if there have been instances when you felt very very down(reasons and causes may be any), what was the final solution that you tried. Giving up on the most blatantly visible aspect of it or trying to achieve a more amicable and feasible solution (5) last one, lets respect your decision to give up on the saroop, the question is why settle for only the saroop...there were better things you ...(more)

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:53:57 -0600 )edit

The idea is not to convince you. Just wanted you to give a deeper thought , which I am sure you already have, but let us give one more deeper dive. Decision like this would not be going easy on you and I am very sorry for you that you have to go through all this. And don't forget to watch kungu panda (part-1) ...... the guy says that the thing with destiny is that one often confronts it head on on the way he take to try to avoid it......waht will you do and give up then.

jas15283 gravatar imagejas15283 ( 2012-12-03 00:57:00 -0600 )edit

Anonymous sikh, Maybe I didn't make myself clear:I'm the ONLY turbaned Sikh girl in my whole town if not the whole city AND the only one in my family but I haven't given up. I'm Guru Gobind Singh Ji's daughter. I SERIOUSLY don't blend in but I will NEVER, with Guru Ji's kirpa, lose my sikhi saroop.

Kaurageouswarrior1699 gravatar imageKaurageouswarrior1699 ( 2012-12-03 06:50:47 -0600 )edit

OMG jas15283 I love Kung Fu Panda and totally agree with you.

Kaurageouswarrior1699 gravatar imageKaurageouswarrior1699 ( 2012-12-03 06:55:01 -0600 )edit

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Asked: 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0600

Seen: 7,712 times

Last updated: Aug 26 '14