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Hi dear friend, I truly understand your situation because I have been there, I born in a strict sikh family, when I was younger I followed everything my parents taught and encouraged me, as I got in grade 10, I felt exactly same like you, and I was in two worlds, with time being am ended up clean shaved moderng kind of guy, I truly love Sikhism and teaching of all guru sahibaan, I cant see any other gurus or religion perfect like this, guru ji taught us so much, but basic things and easy ones are love and meditate god which is universal and same one for every person on this planet, just different way of calling. Being a proper sikh is a great thing and you can fulfill your life with great inner peace and happiness, at the same time you can't force yourself too much sticking to this way of life if it doesn't comes from inside you naturally, whatever thing's make you happy and excites you, I dnt think its any bad thing, you have to live your life the way you really want to, you cant have any regerts, if you didn't have a second thought abt being a amritdhari sikh that would be a super great thing, but otherwise 6ou are human being and you have right to choose whatever you want, it's better to be a non sikh rather than being a fake sikh, as in my case I have done everything 8 wanted and have no regrets, I still worship god in my own way, you can still love God, urself and people, you dnt need a label and anyone else's permission, thats just my experience and my point of views, am sorry if I offended anyone, I respect all and everyone's believes. But I think we can share our thoughts and opinions yeah?