Trust after trauma
According to my parents and relatives I am at the age where I should consider getting married, 23. I was sexually assulted many years ago however I never really healed and it has caused me to have many trust issues.
My family members have had arranged/assisted marriages as most Sikhs have, and it is what they also expect me to have but I don't want to.
As we are unable to get to know the guy in depth and can only go by what the man's family is like, I am worried that I could marry an abusive man. We are allowed to get to know them a little more after a formal engagement but the reason for ending that relationship has to be very significant.
I understand that in Sikhi we are not meant to have relationships before marriage, but how else can you fully trust someone and in a sensitive case what can be done?
I have had one boyfriend since the attack who I was willing to take a risk with, he was not Sikh but was a good man. My mother did not agree and forced me to cut all ties with him. I am not willing to marry anyone at all now but I am now feeling forced to marry someone for the sake of my family. The only man I feel I will ever be comfortable with is the one my family will not accept, what do I do?