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what should I do

asked 2013-09-07 06:52:10 -0500

Gurpreet Kaur gravatar image

Waheguru ji Ka khalsa Waheguru ji ke fateh I'm trying to get on the right path and would love with Waheguru' s kirpa that I will one day take amrit . So I've started reading or listening to the full nitem paath (however this has not been done yet at amrit vela repeatedly day after day) I also take daily showers, however these are not cold , and I'm trying to learn gurmukhi. I have become vegetarian and removed my earrings and cover my head with a chuni which has angered my mother.mother told me off for all of these actions I have done , and told me to remove my chuni from my head as I'm not an old lady and put my earrings back on as I look nasty without them , and I can't be vegetarian . Mother said once I'm married(I'm 18) that I can do what I want but until then I will do as she says. Please help what should I do. Bul chuk marf karana

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Vaheguru ji Ka khalsa vaheguru je ke fateh Thank you all for your answers, I think my mother is coming round and I'll keep in mind warriors will about changing my emotions Bul chuk marf karna

Gurpreet Kaur gravatar imageGurpreet Kaur ( 2013-09-19 06:52:16 -0500 )edit

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answered 2013-09-17 17:30:36 -0500

Lo K. B. gravatar image

Sat Nam,

The other answer is great and really interesting.

Okay. From what I see the problem is not whether to take Amrit or not, but how to live practically in your home without causing a "war" with your mother. It is sad that your mother does not support something that you want to do, especially when that thing is something that will not hurt her or anyone else, but in fact make life better! Considering that you are 18, I'd expect some leeway, especially when it does not even concern her! Now, are you going to school? Can you move out or are you willing to move out? Probably not. What caught my eye was that your mother thinks you look "nasty" without earrings. I've never seen anyone look terrible without earrings, makeup or other things, and don't believe her for one second! The bullying stems from an insecurity about appearance. Many Punjabi mothers (I am full Punjabi, too) live vicariously through their children. It's sadly how it is. They feel like they have to maintain a certain "image" without thinking realistically about the feelings and thoughts of their children. What you have to do is assert yourself. She does not OWN you, and you have to gauge how much she disapproves of what you are doing. Begin to stop playing the role of mama's girl, and look at your life. You are not doing ANYTHING which would cause alarm or upheaval in the family. Let her know that you are fully aware of what is going on. I don't know where you live, but exercise your power as a human being as much as possible, without being disrespectful.

If you are to take Amrit, you will. If that means that you have to wait, that could be it. You have to decide how to live with your mother and still stay true to your soul. One thing is to not make a big deal about it around your mother. I know that will make people raise their fists, but you have to look at your situation. From experience, I have seen many Punjabi mothers freak out about it because they believe what they see around them, which is a few Amritdhari's who become distant, detached and often condescending about those who have not taken Amrit, or fanatical. While that might not be true in your case, do consider it. Talk with your mother as a mother. Openly and honestly. Share yourself without feeling like you are going up against a prison warden. Slowly bring up the topic by talking about other things first, and make sure she is comfortable. Probe her until you get an answer, and then tell her that this decision is your personal one, and that you are not doing anything which would cause any alarm. It's tough, but you have to remain firm and resilient, otherwise it will not change.

So, what if it doesn't ... (more)

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answered 2013-09-17 20:24:17 -0500

WarriorsWill gravatar image

Dear Gurpreet,

No doubt follow Lo K.B. advice as it's very exhaustive and insightful :) Consider your mother a mini test of faith, courage and devotion to Guru Ji. Even though your mother is resisting your wishes or acceptance of sudden change, embrace this as an opportunity to discover your own weaknesses and try to conqueror them, for example, when she says these things is it making you angry?, sad?, discouraged?, hateful? etc. Gurbani teaches us to be the opposite in such circumstances, so in a way your mother's helping you become closer to Guru Ji, if you be strong and persevere by requesting strength from Guru Ji, with time your mom will accept you lovingly. Remember she's your mother, since your were baby she took care of you, do you think deep down she would want to see you hurt? As Lo K.B advised, follow the approach of truthful, open, and honest discussion with your mom.

If you overcome this test of facing your mom, when society (the world) starts to put you down or gives you negativity you'll be tougher and less afflicted because you were able to stand up to your blood related mom (a strong bond) and still stay devoted to Guru Ji. Don't give in to failure or fear to express what you are inside, don't feel depressed by what others say or think, it will take time, but if you recite the Guru's bani with love and devotion, you will obtain the strength. Anytime you feel down, read about great Kaur's and Singh's and how they were tested by Guru Ji etc, develop dynamic will, as you think, so will you become, say to yourself mentally " I shall overcome the test of my mother, only then shall I be called Gurpreet "KAUR".

Best wishes and be Kaurageous!! :)

Sorry if I've outspoken!

-Namastwang Akaale, Namastwang Kirpaale.

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answered 2013-09-07 07:16:06 -0500

ujwala gravatar image

Dear Gurpreet,

What all you need is an example. Take my example! I was 8 when I took amrit. Many people think that at such an age it could have been my parents who would have forced me to do so but, its not true. It was my wish to take amrit. None of my family members were amritdhari. I don't know from where this thing came into my mind but whatever it was, I loved it. Nobody allowed me to do so at first. I would just just see the amritdhari people and argue with my mum that why cant i be like that? At last, When I came into 1st grade after compelling my parents so much , they allowed me to take amrit. what all I want to explain is that do something yourself. You cant take it easily , fight for it! I was just 8 but you are 18! Can you see the difference? Only ardaas cant help. Do the ardaas and try yourself. If waheguru will want to you to be amritdhari, if it is there written in your life , you will get it. Hope I helped.

At your service, Manismran Kaur

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Asked: 2013-09-07 06:52:10 -0500

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Last updated: Sep 17 '13