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Will I be forgiven?

asked 2018-10-15 14:41:17 -0600

Hopelesslyhopefull gravatar image

updated 2018-10-16 11:44:55 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I’ve been targeted as a young girl by fake friends and fake relationships. I came from India and have been here since elementary. I grew up with little guidence on how to connect with God. I stopped going to the Gurdwara which is only a walking distance from my house and praying to God as I got into highschool. With fake friends came a Muslim bf who my friend made a deal with to ruin my life and have his sins cleared. I know i was young and stupid but I’ve commited the ultimate sin. I was unaware of how many people behind my back were involved to bring me down from a good girl to just as bad as them out of jealousy and I was completely blind that anyone could hate me enough to harm me since Ive only ever shown people in my life love. Not even the friends i trusted that are Sikh mentioned the sin of being with a Muslim and kam. I was with him for couple years of highschool. I was not aware of how far from God he has taken me and my family.

I know the choices at the end of the day were mine to let this muslim into my life and home but I never grew up with what it means to be a Sikh and how I was supposed to go through life. I ended up having friends around me that also didn’t believe in God. These “friends” looked at my increasing depression and suffering as their way of having completed their job with me to bring me down as a bad girl to other guys that called me good.

I am 24 now and have finally gotten the realization I needed that I have been going through life the worst way possible to this point and have put my family through hell and I never had the intention to hurt anyone. I have completely cut everyone out of my life and I’m trying to accept myself being alone for once. I’m trying to change everything about me that is my past. My house my name my car everything. I want to become the person I know I was meant to be before I went into the wrong path.

Everytime I pray for forgiveness, I cry, I go to the Gurdwara and cry. Will I ever be forgiven? Can God really take me back? Can he help my family get the life they were supposed to live if I didn’t chose this path that changed theirs forever. I know I should have faith that God is listening to my prayers and loves me but I feel so ashamed that I no longer want to live. I have finally opened my eyes and realized I am no longer the good girl I was and could have been.

I just want to know if its even possible to be forgiven for being wrong for ... (more)

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answered 2018-10-15 20:19:20 -0600

strongKaur gravatar image

Sadly, this type of jealously does exist and I am aware of that type of elaborate scheming down to bring someone down. I am so sorry you experienced that. The main thing here is recognizing that you were pressured, and that it was inappropriate of them to have put you in that situation. Please don’t blame yourself. You were very young. I think it is important now for you to choose your sangat (friends) carefully and for the time being it is reasonable to spend some time alone in reflection, but also then to see where you are going to meet people who align with you you want to be. I am glad that time has given you the realization and surely over time this will heal the pain in your family too as they see how you come out of this.

I think there is a lot of pain related to this situation and understandably so. The crying is a way for you to let that pain go. Its ok. God has and will take you back, because you were never not belonging to God in the first place. It is our perception that we were far away because you moved to a different path for your life, but God in fact has been here for you all along. Although this changed you forever, you can learn and take a lot from it. I think it may be helpful to go see a counsellor to sort through some of these feelings, but it should be someone who culturally understands the impact this has had on your life. I can identify a lot of things here that need to be worked through like your idea of the life you had and your grief for that life.

In terms of connecting to God, take your steps now: go to the Gurdwara. Continue to absorb and listen to Hukamnamas and as much Gurbani/kirtan as you can. I know you feel ashamed, but you are a princess. You are a Kaur and we were written to be strong women, and you are a strong woman. You are capable of rebuilding your life from here. It is the hardest moment right now, but it will get better. You need to find and discover your own path to God. Luckily there are lots of great resources on the internet like Basics of Sikhi, Nanak Naam, Sikhnet, etc. There are also Kaur blogs like Kaur Life. Try to spend some time exploring these to learn more about Sikhi.

You don’t have to change your house, your name, your car. You were given a name by your parents for a special reason. Changing those things likely won’t give you relief, although I can see how your living situation is a constant reminder of your past. It just may not be feasible for you to afford to move. You can recreate your mindset without having to do any of those outside things. Although you ... (more)

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Asked: 2018-10-15 14:41:17 -0600

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Last updated: Oct 15 '18