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Is there any rules about relationship with your wife?

asked 2017-02-17 17:33:19 -0600

sanjlon gravatar image

updated 2017-03-22 13:17:39 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

We found out about 3 years ago that she had a lump in her breast. She will NOT eat any English medicine, I tried really hard to help her get better, she just wanted Homeopathy medicine. time passed by and the lump in her breast was making its way out form the skin, the doctors said that they have to do a mastectomy, they did that and for 3 months she was abit better, then she visited India, (but she did not tell her mother or father about the cancer and the operation). She told me not to tell anyone. I didnt. After she came back from India she become very weak and was rushed to the hospital. The doctors said the cancer has spread and that she must have 6 chemotherapy or we can take her home. we had no idea what to do etc, we did what the doctors told us, after the 6th chemo in mar 2016 she was home and getting weaker and weaker, i had bought numerous herbal medicines and seen several doctors. But it was too late, She requested if her mother could come to see her but she said what will i do if i came to see her? we are in Europe and parents in India. In Nov last year she passed away. we have 2 children, i am completely devastated by this, i am still in day 1 mode after she passed away, its over 79 days, i am trying to find Waheguru and ask Him why he did this? Why did He take my wife away and why did He not take me? My children have become orphans and we have to go other peoples houses to have dinner, I do cook sometimes but its hard, I have to bear with these people and their criticisms, i am completely fed up. We go to the Gurudwara regularly and I am so upset with myself that i feel guilty that we ended up in the house every night and didnt go to the Gurudwara that much, my wife never said anything, she didn't complain about anything, weather, work, going out to eat, parties, money problems anything, she just carried and on 1 or 2 occasions she did say something if she was unhappy with something, but thats it. I was sick too and had had 3 epileptic fits, and several fainting episodes, she was always at my rescue, I feel so guilty that i could do nothing to save her, but i also found several medicine remedies that she didnt take, sometimes i think there was too much medicine and no one to impose a procedure. I am slowly finding Waheguru and trying to make it easy for my kids to accept a sure and happy life, without all the chasing etc, I cannot mend my heart and i dont know how to do it. I need help that is all i know. My children miss their mother alot but ... (more)

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Any body any advice? many thanks

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-02-18 06:43:05 -0600 )edit

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answered 2017-02-18 22:27:14 -0600

strongKaur gravatar image

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your wife. It is especially difficult to watch someone go through an illness like cancer. I am not the best at handling grief, or an expert by any means but I will share with you what I can. When it comes to grief, there is no real timetable for healing. The feelings may come in cycles. It is understandable that you are still devastated. You are adjusting to now suddenly being a single parent. I am wondering if you can find someone to talk to- a friend, a counselor, a doctor. Particularly doctors sometimes have resources to help people who are grieving. It is okay that you need help right now. I can understand you are used to providing for yourself and not having to depend on other people. In hard times we all need support. Do you have someone like a sibling, or other relatives that can live with you for a while to help you out? If it is possible, it might be nice to have someone make the daily tasks like cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children a little easier. If not, just take it one day at a time and do your best. It is hard when you are getting criticized from people. You are doing your best and that’s all that matters. You need to care for yourself too.
It sounds like you are also carrying the burden of your wife’s death on your shoulders- you wrote “I feel so guilty that I could do nothing to save her.” This wasn’t your fault. You both did the best you could, but it was her time to go and no one can change that. Only God decides that, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change when it is someone’s time to go. We all have a limited time in this human life-form, but it is just a costume for our souls. I really cannot answer your questions of faith, that is between you and Waheguru. Please continue to work on that and continue to go to the Gurdwara as you have. I am sorry I am not able to provide you with more comfort than that.

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Thank you so much! i will carry on doing what i feel is right for my kids, I told the neighbours today about my wife, they didnt have a clue! My family is still causing problems, I am not saying anything in th e past i would fight back viciously and not give up, My wife taught me accept & carry on

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-02-19 19:17:23 -0600 )edit

I'm glad you told your neighbours! see my other post about family stuff.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-02-19 22:10:28 -0600 )edit

and no problem! Keep on carrying on doing what you feel is right for the kids. Its going to be okay.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-02-19 22:15:49 -0600 )edit

and no problem! I'm glad it helped. You're right- Keep on carrying on doing what you feel is right for the kids. Its going to be okay.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-02-19 22:16:07 -0600 )edit

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Asked: 2017-02-17 17:33:19 -0600

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Last updated: Feb 18 '17