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What is the purpose of my life?

asked 2017-04-11 14:45:25 -0500

sanjlon gravatar image

updated 2017-04-11 15:03:49 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I am completely broken within myself! Since loosing my wife 4 months ago aged 41, I cannot see any purpose of my life! I am trying very very hard to talk to people, go to the Gurudwara everyday, do sewa, listen to kirtan and do naam simran. When i go to the Gurudwara and i hear some shabads my heart is filled up and i cry like a little boy asking for chocolates! and for the longing for my pritam, and what is happening in my life. Nothing is close to getting corrected in my life, my job, expenses, house, kids needs and demands. I am still so upset with life i just wished I was dead too. People i thought were my family have turned their backs to me and my wifes relatives think i did something to her that she got this dreaded disease called cancer! How can i live in Gods name when my children in front of my eyes are not happy? Their basic needs of live are not being fulfilled? How can God be so cruel even when i am sick and poorly i go out to work but i cant get any work, what a damned life. with no solutions but only more problems day by day! plse helpppp. advice.

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I have lost 13 kilograms nearly 2 stones of weight and I am still loosing...weight with worries....

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-04-11 14:52:57 -0500 )edit

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answered 2017-04-13 15:03:16 -0500

gn gravatar image

What country are you from? there could be Sikh organisations that could help you.

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United Kingdom.

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-04-15 17:17:38 -0500 )edit

There's plenty of organisations that can help you. You can contact Sikh helpline and no doubt they will be able to provide you with support. You can also contact other organisations such as SWAT London who have youth clubs and can provide support to families.

gn gravatar imagegn ( 2017-04-17 07:09:50 -0500 )edit

answered 2017-04-14 00:08:42 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

This is a very hard time for you and your children. It is understandable that you are struggling after losing your wife to cancer. It may take some time to come out of this depression but it will not last forever. You can survive through this hardship. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now. Here is what I want you to remember. When we are in the depths of pain, and loneliness and sadness is when we have the most deepest opportunity to meet God, which is the purpose of our life. That is when we can give everything over to God, and allow Him to take care of us.

All the efforts you are doing are very valuable- going to the Gurdwara, talking to people, doing sewa, listening to kirtan, doing simran. It is very normal to be crying when you hear Gurbani. I have cried many times at the Gurdwara. It is a safe space for us to cry. We can release that pain. It feels like we are so far away but God is so close to us. You are doing your best and you cannot expect more from yourself- it will take time. Remind yourself of everything you have to live for- including your children. You must focus on helping yourself before seeing effect on the children. If you are calmer and more relaxed, they will be too, and so it is vital that you care for yourself. Eat well, and take each day 10 minutes at a time, sometimes even 1 minute at a time. Focus on surviving this one moment.

It sounds like you might need some help with some things. Can you have neighbours or friends or members of sangat at the Gurdwara help you out in any way? In sorting out things for your job, or helping to babysit the kids, or make meals. Anything may make a huge difference at this point. Please keep safe, and if you feel you are feeling like ending your life, please get help right away. Talk to a doctor, talk to a counsellor. They can teach a lot of skills and help you get access to resources. They understand the process of grief.

At the end of the day, you are doing your best and that’s okay. Take it one minute at a time.

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Thank you so much. God bless you for sharing your thoughts!

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-04-15 17:41:12 -0500 )edit

no problem, please feel free to write or post whenever you need support :) we are here for you!

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-04-16 02:03:46 -0500 )edit

What to do when a person is fighting a losing war? Taking kids to Gurudwara & trying to get them into Vaja & Tabla classes is becoming impossible. I am loosing it, I just wonder sometimes why the wife gave up just thinking tom will be a better day, no changes for over 26 yrs in Uk & 15yrs marriage.

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-05-04 03:43:05 -0500 )edit

Just sickness, unemployment, living on day to day handout from the govt, sickening, hopelessness and suicidal, dont care attitude to my own life. Waheguru! until when will this carry on?

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-05-04 03:44:52 -0500 )edit

you have the blood of warriors. Guru Gobind Singh Ji taught us not to give up no matter what the odds, no matter what tomorrow looks like. Right now your depression is speaking to you. it makes us think things we otherwise wouldn’t. Keep trying your best. That might mean ...

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-05-06 00:47:55 -0500 )edit

answered 2017-05-08 06:19:55 -0500

sanjlon gravatar image

updated 2017-05-08 06:20:20 -0500

Many thanks Strong kaur... we are supposed to be assendants of Jassa Singh Ramgharia!

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no problem, feel free to post anytime when you need some extra support!

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-05-08 23:53:35 -0500 )edit

As I was sharing my pain on FB but my wifes bhabhi's sister put some really bad remarks about how my wife.saying that nobody helped her, and my 2 sons are now rul gaye, nobody helped her and she died rul rul ke, tarsadi mar gaee! the only she wanted was her mother who nobody brought her back, HELP!

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-05-13 19:44:59 -0500 )edit

can you block her, or hide/delete her comments, or temporarily block her from seeing your posts (put her on your "restricted list" so she can't see posts to your friends)? you don't need this interfering with your healing.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-05-13 19:54:49 -0500 )edit

obviously her words are coming from her own pain and experience of grief and her own perceptions. You know what happened with your wife and you spent the most time with her, and God knows truth.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-05-13 19:56:28 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2017-04-11 14:45:25 -0500

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Last updated: May 08 '17