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This is a very hard time for you and your children. It is understandable that you are struggling after losing your wife to cancer. It may take some time to come out of this depression but it will not last forever. You can survive through this hardship. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now. Here is what I want you to remember. When we are in the depths of pain, and loneliness and sadness is when we have the most deepest opportunity to meet God, which is the purpose of our life. That is when we can give everything over to God, and allow Him to take care of us.

All the efforts you are doing are very valuable- going to the Gurdwara, talking to people, doing sewa, listening to kirtan, doing simran. It is very normal to be crying when you hear Gurbani. I have cried many times at the Gurdwara. It is a safe space for us to cry. We can release that pain. It feels like we are so far away but God is so close to us. You are doing your best and you cannot expect more from yourself- it will take time. Remind yourself of everything you have to live for- including your children. You must focus on helping yourself before seeing effect on the children. If you are calmer and more relaxed, they will be too, and so it is vital that you care for yourself. Eat well, and take each day 10 minutes at a time, sometimes even 1 minute at a time. Focus on surviving this one moment.

It sounds like you might need some help with some things. Can you have neighbours or friends or members of sangat at the Gurdwara help you out in any way? In sorting out things for your job, or helping to babysit the kids, or make meals. Anything may make a huge difference at this point. Please keep safe, and if you feel you are feeling like ending your life, please get help right away. Talk to a doctor, talk to a counsellor. They can teach a lot of skills and help you get access to resources. They understand the process of grief.

At the end of the day, you are doing your best and that’s okay. Take it one minute at a time.