BAD REPUTATION :(

asked 2016-10-01 01:14:36 -0500

AkaaliKaur
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updated 2018-06-13 10:41:23 -0500

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I'm an amritdhari Sikh girl, I have done very bad things and for that I have a bad reputation within sangat and at AKJ smagams. People look at me and laugh, they visibly gossip about me and throw me looks of disgust. I regret my disgusting actions and have become very depressed and unstable. How do I regain a good reputation again? I want everyone to at least say fateh to me when I walk past and I want people to think good of me again. I regret everything I have done. Before, being the daughter of an acclaimed kirtani and being very knowledgeable I was on a great path to Sikhi. Now, one mistake lead to another and I can't show my face again at AKJ smagams :/ Please tell me what to do, will Naam simran and bani help to eradicate what I have become?

Bhul Chuk Maaf Ji

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answered 2016-10-02 14:18:26 -0500

gn
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Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

We all do bad things, but the greatness of Guru ji is that he overlooks our short comings. In Ardaas we say everyday,

Dekh ke anditth kita, tinhan piarian sachiarian di kamai da, Dhian dhar ke khalsa ji Bolo ji Vaheguru!

of those who overlooked others shortcomings, All the aforesaid were pure and truly devoted ones, O Respected Khalsa Ji, think of their deeds, Utter Vaheguru.

The only opinion that matters is Sri Guru Granth Saihb Ji's, so don't worry about what others think. Keep going to smagams and keep doing simran and seva, Guru ji himself will solve all your problems.

The Word of the Guru's Shabad eradicates the karma of millions of past actions. ||3||1|| Ang 1195

Listen to this Shabad: https://soundcloud.com/gnd2010/teri-b...

Basant, The Word Of Naam Dayv Jee: One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru: If the servant runs away when his master is in trouble, he will not have a long life, and he brings shame to all his family. ||1|| I shall not abandon devotional worship of You, O Lord, even if the people laugh at me. The Lord's Lotus Feet abide within my heart. ||1||Pause|| The mortal will even die for the sake of his wealth; in the same way, the Saints do not forsake the Lord's Name. ||2|| Pilgrimages to the Ganges, the Gaya and the Godawari are merely worldly affairs. If the Lord were totally pleased, then He would let Naam Dayv be His servant. ||3||1||

Ang 1195

Bul Chuk maf

Sat Sri AKaal

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thankyouu soo much jee! so you're basically saying forget everything and everyone and just focus on strengthening my relationship with maharaj? I find it so difficullt to lift my head up around people who think only bad of me :(

AkaaliKaur ( 2016-10-04 00:51:57 -0500 )edit

Why hold your head down, you're a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh. We need to focus on Guru ji and he himself will join us to the sadsangat who don't look at our mistakes.

gn ( 2016-10-04 12:29:47 -0500 )edit

Also remember that Guru Nanak Dev Ji saved thieves and cannibals. Guru Tegh Bahadur Sahib Ji writes about Waheguru saving sinners such as prostitutes and know they are honoured throughout the world. So just forget what you did.

gn ( 2016-10-04 12:36:03 -0500 )edit

If you want more advice, check this forum out http://www.sikhsangat.com/

gn ( 2016-10-04 12:36:42 -0500 )edit

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answered 2016-11-17 07:15:17 -0500

13Kaur
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updated 2016-11-17 07:22:09 -0500

Hi Penji,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and hope you are doing ok? I can relate somewhat to what you are going through and just want you to know that you are not alone.

Yes it can be very painful and often we start to treat ourselves with the same harshness that we experience from others. But try and stay strong and one thing I have learned from Guru Sahib is that a Sikh must never ever hurt another Sikh, not matter what, and slander (ninda) is worse than committing murder, so although these people call themselves Sikh, their actions are not representative of what Guru Gobind Singhs Sikh is.

When we join Gurujis army, we are often tested in many ways, try and see ourselves as a car being built, Guru Maharaj is the one who builds us, getting us ready for the seva he wants us to carry out. However, before he assigns us to certain tasks, he needs to build us in a way where we would be able to carry out the specific seva that he has designed for us, so we need to be high functioning. Now before he releases us, he would need to test each part in order to see if it is functioning correctly. If he notices there is some problems with the vehicle (us), he will know that it needs further repair or fine tuning. These tests are not created to hurt us, but to refine us. In Sikhi we are first tested, then we learn the lesson. When we make a mistake, try and see it that we've failed a particular test and ask Guru Maharaj to repair whatever had malfunctioned within us. Then leave it to him and just trust him. Our focus needs to be on Bani, Seva and Simran. The people who are gossiping, are also being tested, one of the greatest test for a Sikh is when we are shown a persons weaknesses. When this happens, Guru observes his Sikh very carefully, he will check to see if they have learned anything. Because we read baani, however how much of it gets absorbed? Thats what Guru Checks. If the Sikh, upon learning of a person's mistakes or wrongdoings, becomes judgmental and has thoughts or acts in a way to harm or punish the person, then know they have failed that particular test quite miserably. We have seen time and again, that a Sikh must follow the principle of "dekh ke andit kita" buT unfortunately, desis are not very good at this. So try and see your situation as a big test for you and those around you. Be careful not to judge those who are gossiping and slandering, instead do a small prayer that Guruji guides them. Now for you, a pangti that has been going through my mind is the following one, which you can sing, it will give you a lot of peace and strengthen your ... (more)

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You are anritdhari. And talk about parents . Talk them to tell them you are sorry

Amandeep007 ( 2018-06-27 08:06:23 -0500 )edit

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answered 2016-10-01 02:44:54 -0500

Not at all Punjabi
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Yes, you are right. Naam Simran is the best solution to all the issues a human being faces in this Kaliyugi Sansar. And off course sincere Ardas too.

Dhan Guru Nanak.

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answered 2016-10-01 12:49:42 -0500

strongKaur
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Dear sister,

What a terrible situation. Just remember when people gossip about you, shame on them for saying bad things about someone else and judging you. Who are they to judge your life? We should not do nindiya/chugli in Sikhi (slander/gossip/bad-mouth) and so know that those people are creating bad karma for themselves. Those are not true gurmukhs who speak badly about another, why should you care about what they think then? You may have to think about starting to let go of valuing other people’s opinions of you. Remember there are so many examples in our Sikh history of people who were against and spoke badly of our Guru Jis, that did not stop them from doing good in their own life. Remember, “One who is imbued with the lord’s lave is slandered- this is what I have seen in this dark age of kali yuga” (page 299 Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji). People will even say bad things about people who love God and are doing amazing things, who haven’t done anything wrong! So don’t worry about what other people are thinking of you. That’s their own problem. If you say fateh to other people and they don’t respond, that is their own problem and ego thinking they are better than you rather than equal. You are not inferior to anyone else, we all make mistakes. Some people’s you find out about, others you don’t.

I also know the importance of community. Being isolated is not a nice thing so I can see why it is important for you to be able to be comfortable sitting in sangat. Even having one person on your side would be nice so you can go together. Close your eyes and focus on your own relationship with God. Forget about the other people there. When they realize you don’t care, they will find a new person to gossip about. Don’t let them stop you from going. You have a right to be there. What people want you to do is sit at home and hide out. Be stronger and more powerful than that. Show them they can’t make you do that. Keep doing Naam simran and bani. It will make you stronger and help you get through this. You can do it. Your relationship to God is your own, and no one can stop you. Remember your purpose in this life is not pleasing others, its about you and Waheguru. Focus on your purpose and other people can't stop you. They will realize that they have a lot to learn from you :)

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aww sister thankyou so much! this was so enlightening! I totally understand what you mean by not caring about what they think about me! it's just so hard because I see those people sooo often, and I'm all on my own getting laughed at because of my actions :( will my rep change with bani? thankyou!!

AkaaliKaur ( 2016-10-02 03:14:27 -0500 )edit

i'm glad i was able to help! i know it can be demoralizing to keep seeing these people, but keep your spirits high. reputation is all based on perception of other people. in my opinion, it will change (but how you see yourself matters more!).

strongKaur ( 2016-10-02 03:42:48 -0500 )edit

people will either forget/ move onto another topic or they will realize that you are committed to this path and they will stop saying bad things about you.

strongKaur ( 2016-10-02 03:43:30 -0500 )edit

remember God and he'll arrange everything. Don't worry :)

strongKaur ( 2016-10-02 03:44:38 -0500 )edit

thankyou bhenjee! I've already made changes to put things right for myself! but just when I start thinking about changing, someone posted a snapstory of a whole group of gursikhs slandering me:/ no shame at all:( things like that bring me all the way down. I try to move on but I just can't :(

AkaaliKaur ( 2016-10-04 00:48:55 -0500 )edit

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answered 2016-11-11 00:14:07 -0500

P
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I'm sorry Penji but I do not think people will stop saying stuff even though you may change. Those type of people live for gossip, maybe you didn't realize it until you became the topic of gossip. Still you must focus your attention elsewhere when going on path to sikhi, if you keep caring what they think, they are not going to stop. If you say you have sinned, in gurbani it states different punishments for different papas. So you can find what you have done wrong, the punishment and you can beg Waheguru by doing simian bani etc and you will notice whether there is difference in your life.

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answered 2016-11-22 19:32:46 -0500

bhagheen
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Bhenji as a guru da sikh who are we to judge someone and make them pay for their sins? I also go to AKJ programs and i know they can be judgemental that is a huge con about the jatha for me as well. i do not know you but you said you have made mistakes, who hasn't? only the guru can forgive and only the guru knows our karma. if these sikhs are treating you like this it is not your fault if your guru can forgive you who are they to treat you badly? i can't say if it will stop or not but all i know is that when you go to sangat you are there to practice the guru's shabad and try to get closer to god so try not to think about them go there listen to the kirtan, and leave. you cannot change them you can only make it easier for yourself. Hopefully this helped and good luck!!

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answered 2018-06-13 04:53:24 -0500

This post is a wiki. Anyone with karma >100 is welcome to improve it.

You are feeling bad because you are still trying to make your reputation in front of other people or humans and we know that we human have lots of bad qualities in ourselves but we always talk about others.

One should try to be good in the books of that Almighty, our deeds should be based on Gurbani and should keep in mind that how my beloved father (Waheguru) would feel if I do this or that. We should live to please the supreme lord not others.