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Affairs and marriage

asked 2013-11-10 18:52:04 -0600

anonymous user


As an un baptised sikh woman I married my soul mate 20 years ago whome I worshiped the ground he walked on, only to discover half way through our marriage that he was having an affair. I was very hurt and betrayed and found it very hard not to blame Waheguru himself for my pain. Somehow I found it in my heart, mainly through my weakness and misplaced trust to believe him when he said he was sorry and that he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately years later and after 3 children I discovered in the most cruellest of ways that not only was he still having the affair but with the same woman. I took him back again, and fell for his lies as I could not cope with the thought of a single parent existence. Yet again years later Waheguru brought the truth in front of my eyes again - this time I felt this was a sign from Waheguru telling me to deal with this pain and sort your life out. That is why I am now in the middle of a divorce but it is not final yet. One thing my ordeal has taught me is that attachment is for the weak hearted - I have found a new focus in life that is merciful, abundant with joy and peace and rewarding in a way that I cannot describe. I am not a Amritari Sikh but I believe the strength I have now is coming from the shabads I listen to and the path I do twice a day. Waheguru is everywhere around me and even if my husband has failed me, as long as I have faith in Waheguru I know he will never turn his back on me. My question is as the divorce is not final yet, and my husband is begging to have me back and he is adamant that he has changed and finally got rid of this other woman, should I continue the divorce or should I pay for my bad karma and stay with the man I did my Phera with all those years ago?

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answered 2013-11-11 03:03:02 -0600

Honestly if you really love your husband then you should stay with him. Even though he did you wrong still he is the father of your kids and the love of your life. Everyone makes mistakes if he wanted he could have left u and married that women but he hasn't so there's hope. Also you have 3 kids think about your kids and how their lives are going to be after then divorce. Aapne bache pls na rolo. Think about the kids before yourself. Also in Sikhi dharam a Sikh women only has one husband once she's married he is her world. Chaaheh Hun oho(husband) chaangah hoveh jaa maraa hoveh you have to accept it. I really feel like u still love him so by all means pls cancel the divorce.. Accept his flaws and mistakes give him another chance.. As a wife you should stay by your husbands side and explain to him what's wrong and what's right in a loving manner.. Show him so much love and affection that he cannot even think about another lady.. Make him stay busy with his kids that he regrets he ever thought about another women other than the mother of his kids.. I really hope and pray you guys stay together and the divorce is canceled

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answered 2013-11-11 17:32:21 -0600

Lo K. B. gravatar image

Sat Nam,

I agree with the previous answer. Something is telling you that divorce is not a good option right now, and that you have to work this out. I believe you still love your husband, and after three children, it would only bring pain if you were to divorce. I would give it time and see if your husband has truly stopped seeing this other woman. Then make your decision. But the fact that you are hesitant means that you should put this divorce on hold until you see what happens down the road. Also, I've heard that doing the Sopurakh part of Rehras Sahib for your husband has incredible effects. I am glad that you are becoming a stronger woman in your own Self, rather than leaning your entire existence on a man.

God bless you and may you have happiness.

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answered 2015-10-12 13:29:48 -0600

gn gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Surinder Kaur ji, some other sisters are going through similar at the moment if you can help give them advice I will be grateful.

Bul chuck mafee

Sat Sri Akaal

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answered 2015-10-10 13:45:50 -0600

Dawny gravatar image

Hey, if you were unhappy and your children were unhappy God will not be against your divorce. He obviously didn't have no intention of changing and I don't believe God would want you to be unhappy in your life.

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answered 2015-10-08 18:09:45 -0600

Surinder Kaur gravatar image

updated 2015-10-08 18:16:42 -0600

I thought it would be of interest to the Sikhnet community for me to update you on my marriage situation since my last post in 2013. After a lot of heartache, misery and disappointment at my husbands attitude I divorced him this year. I feel liberated and a great sense of achievement at finally making the right choice for mine and my childrens long term wellbeing. Making the choice between living in a loveless marriage and sharing my husband with other women and then trying to justify that to my grown up children and making a clean fresh start with my children was the most sensible thing to do. After all it was my husbands choice to choose other women over the mother of his children. I will not pretend that it was an easy decision. I acknowledge that I have been scarred emotionally for life from my marriage experience and the divorce. I will never trust another man again after the years of betrayal and deceit my husband forced on me. I also understand that my children have been deeply affected by the whole divorce process and they have watched their father change from a loving father to a man who has forgotten that he ever had any children. I stand my decision and believe that over the 23 years of my marriage my husband continued having affairs because I allowed him to continue this kind of abuse and I only threatened to leave him but never had the courage to. Thank you to those two people who took the time to read my post in 2013 and respond and I would finally like to say that I am in a much happier place in my life, my kids are doing well at University, I have continued my faith in Waheguru and feel much closer to him now than I have ever been in my life. Thanks to Waheguru's Kirpa in my journey I have been able to put the past behind me, continue working to support and feed my children.

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answered 2016-08-11 18:11:08 -0600

I have been married for 30 years, this year. Meet my childhood sweetheart, love marriages were unheard of back then. He was my lifeline, the love of my life, the best thing that had ever happened to me. In my eyes life was great, Waheguruji blessed us with the strength to work hard, build a business and bestowed upon us twins, a boy and a girl, so blessed. He has constantly been seeing other women during our marriage, he has become a functioning alcoholic and upsets me and the children on a daily basis. I have stuck by him through all is this only to be treated like a second class citizen, my children are now standing up to him and he blames me for the disrespect they show him. I have faith in Waheguruji to guide me and give me the courage to make the right decision for me and the children. Praying, the broomstick that clears the mind on a daily basis, mediation, listening to shabads, one thing I do know in mr heart our almighty father would not want any of his children to be unhappy. Praying each day, Waheguruji will show me the way.

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Asked: 2013-11-10 18:52:04 -0600

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Last updated: Aug 11 '16