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How Do I deal with my forced arrange marriage ? HELP

asked 2019-04-04 11:32:59 -0500

Harry37373 gravatar image

updated 2019-04-04 11:51:15 -0500

Here's the story of my life (Quite Tragic) that happened in merely 20-25 days...

I was living in bangalore and travelling to US often having my own successful software consulting company. I was happy. I had a girlfriend who is also in Bangalore. She is from Different caste and culture. I am Punjabi Sikh. She is gujurati Hindu. We were/are still madly in love. I asked my parents to fix my marriage with this girl many times but they denied. My parents didn't want me to marry out of culture or caste. They use to emotionally blackmail me if this happen we will kill ourself. My mom was supportive. But dad not at all.

So they forced me into an arrange marriage. I tried stopping them. They did all the emotional drama a family can do. They fixed my marriage in just merely 15-20 days, saying all the other relatives from aboard are here for one of the other family marriage, so we might as well just do your marriage as well and get rid of our responsibilities. They say you will automatically adjust to this new stranger i got married too. I am 27 yrs and she is 22yrs. Still both very young.

So here i am married to a stranger. A nice girl who is only kitchen oriented, we have nothing in common. We are not compatible at all. I don't have any attraction towards her. She do have it towards me. I never consider her as my wife.

It's been almost month of my marriage. We fight so much. We don't talk. Not compatible at all. I am bit modern..she is very outdated or you can say she is from a small village so we have anything in common at all. Then I had to come to US for work and now she is alone in India with my family.

I want to divorce her. I am still madly in love with my girlfriend. I spoke with my wife and my parents regarding all this .. I told all of them I am going to peacefully end this and now my parents are thinking society will think bad of us. They are again blackmailing me just like before they forced me into the marriage. They again blackmailing me that they will do suicide or something. My mom is still supportive for me. She just wants to see everyone happy. She also told me once my dad is only doing this blackmailing drama so that you kill all your desires in life and accept this stranger girl they got me married to.

Also, As in India, girl can file false dowry case etc. We are all worried about that too now.

Also, My parents say...No girl will ever marry me because the families and relatives or anyone will think I am not a trustworthy guy and I have played with an innocent girl life.

Please help me fix this situation in ... (more)

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answered 2019-04-10 13:14:01 -0500

Harry37373 gravatar image

Dear Guruka Ji,

I am so happy to hear response from you. It felt like Waheguru ji sent you to help me out in very tough situation of my life. My whole family is tensed since last month. I am very tensed; not able to focus on anything. I also started drinking Guruka Ji.

I don't know really know, if this love is a fantasy or real. I am only 27 years old; may be its a young age to think like how you are thinking.

But Guruka ji. I am at point of my life where I cannot imagine my life without my Girlfriend whom I already declare my soulmate in my heart, whom I deeply love. I eat, sleep and live with my girlfriend, even while I am away from her travelling for work. I make sure i make my Girlfriend sleep through Skype and always be there for her and suddenly I am forced to marry someone else just in 20 days by putting family pressure.

I am being emotionally tortured to love my wife whom I don't love or I never consider her as my wife ; to be Honest.

If I lose on my love today. I might not be able to live happy life. I will always live with this regret of not having courage to stand for my happiness and not appose the wrong decision my father put on me. I can also understand its also not my father fault. He might have thought, I will move on as he doesn't really understand amount of love between me and my girlfriend. My father thinks traditionally and is not open minded now. But my parents do realise now, that they should have marry me where I wanted. They can see all of us would have been so much happier.

Guruka ji, can I talk with my wife and peacefully ask her to terminate this relationship between us ? I want all the parties to be Happy in the end. Guruka ji do you think if I choose to leave my wife , will she be able to move on and find a right life partner for her who will love her without any conditions or regrets ? My question is 'Will she be alright after this divorce after merely 45 days' ?

I told my wife right after 1 day that I was not ready for this marriage and hence I don't think I can be in relationship with you. Guruka ji, I understand you might say I should have taken some strict actions before my wedding. I did make some efforts 8 days prior to my marriage but my parents said its too late now. They also said they will do suicide if i stop the wedding. But now I can understand, it was mostly emotional blackmail they were doing. So I was not able to think clearly that time. Too much family and society pressure.

Guruka Ji, I feel like I have made ... (more)

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answered 2019-04-10 12:31:20 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2019-04-10 12:32:40 -0500

Dear Harry, Waheguru Ji. "Madly in love" is a fantasy. It is not reality. It is hot-blooded emotion. It is an imaginary two-person bubble.

All bubbles eventually POP!

You are judging this innocent girl to whom you have been married before God and Guru. You are caught in your preconceptions of who she is.

You are married. Relax and be so. Commitment is one of the steps to real happiness. You do not know who your wife really is yet. You don't even know who YOU really are yet. Take time to find out. You are not who you think you are.

Please get out of your fantasy life and live the life you have been given. You will discover that with kindness, compassion, communication and intimacy your wife is not who you think she is. Herein lies the real marriage.

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Dear Guruka Ji, Waheguru ki khalsa. Waheguru ki fateh. Can you please advice me something ?

Harry37373 gravatar imageHarry37373 ( 2019-04-11 14:08:01 -0500 )edit

Harry Ji - This is a fork in the road. You must choose. The choice you make will affect seven generations.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2019-04-12 11:31:58 -0500 )edit

Thank you Guruka ji. Waheguru ki khalsa. Waheguru ki fateh. What will you choose If you were in my shoes ?

Harry37373 gravatar imageHarry37373 ( 2019-04-12 12:29:01 -0500 )edit

Can I choose my love and hurt my wife's emotions a little bit ? Eventually she would be fine. I will help her settle in life. Dear Guruka Ji, Can I choose my love ? I will read Gurbani everyday so that god forgives my mistake consider me as his lost child when I choose my love .What do you think ?

Harry37373 gravatar imageHarry37373 ( 2019-04-12 12:32:38 -0500 )edit

aapae bakhas karaaeidhaa piaaraa aapae sach neesaan || jai bakhasae thai pooraa kaaj

Harry37373 gravatar imageHarry37373 ( 2019-04-12 12:38:24 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2019-04-04 11:32:59 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 10 '19