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Is it ok to leave my parents

asked 2018-04-25 22:13:38 -0500

Random010 gravatar image

updated 2018-05-02 10:16:12 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

WJKK WJKF Sangat Ji. I love my parents for the most part and I don't mind doing things for them. The issue is they have an issue with a Singh that I've chosen to be my life partner. He and I are very close and his parents are accepting of me but my parents are not accepting of him because he is of lower caste. I don't believe in the caste system (all of us are Amritdhari) but my parents do. They say that I have to the Singh or I have to leave my parents. My dad already gave me a date to move out by. I have tried convincing him and my mother in many ways. I don't want to leave my parents but I will not be leaving that Singh either because he and I are very close and know practically everything about each other. I have been wanting to move away from my family because they were the reason I got depressed and became suicidal. I am willing to move out but the Singh says not to. However, my parents aren't willing to compromise. Gurbani says to give parents utmost respect but what do I do if they are wrong? If I move out, will it count as Paap on me against my parents (even though the issue isn't about taking care of them) or is it acceptable because I am choosing to follow along with Maharaj's rules. Again, I love my parents and am willing to help them whenever they need me but they believe in the caste system and aren't willing to look past old indian traditions. What should I do? In this case, is it acceptable to leave my parents? (They say that we should assume each other dead the day I move out)

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answered 2018-04-27 07:52:54 -0500

280 gravatar image

It's your life and you should choose what is good for you . Relation with anyone either parents or husband-wife relationship understanding is very important. Sins are committed with bad intentions or when someone is selfish& greedy. Only you have to check what are your real intentions. If your intentions are selfless then you can decide what is good for you. Maybe you have to leave your parents for short term but if your intentions are right& if you really cares for your parents after sometime everything would be alright.

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answered 2018-04-27 17:06:10 -0500

kaurchic gravatar image

I think it depends on the reason and on what terms you are leaving. If it is for school, marriage, to travel (missionary work, teaching, volunteering abroad) or for a better opportunity for work; then yes you should do what makes you happy.

Leave on good terms. Explain to your parents why you are leaving and how this will benefit your character.

Have your parents be involved in the process. For example, ask them to help you plan, or be involved in the decision process, or help you make better decisions.

This will grow your relationship with them.

Just make sure while you are away to talk on the phone all time and show them how to do video chats okay :) :)

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answered 2018-05-02 10:19:36 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

First of all, you do not say how old you are or how long you have known this Singh. If you are of legal age, and you understand that this is not an infatuation, but a meeting of two souls who have the destiny to become one soul in this lifetime, then you must follow your soul. Keep your heart open to your parents. Be loving and listen to them without reaction or anger.

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I am of legal age and I'm sure it is not infatuation. I really try to listen to my parents but they don't listen to me.

Random010 gravatar imageRandom010 ( 2018-05-07 02:59:25 -0500 )edit

answered 2018-05-06 21:29:45 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

The tough part in this whole situation is that it seems your parents have really taken a drastic measure saying that you are “dead” to them if you move out. I can’t imagine how awful that must make you feel. You are going to be the one to live with your decisions so its hard for someone else to say what is wrong or what is right. As Sikhs we don’t believe in the caste system, but I know a lot of parents are indeed still stuck in that mindset. Is caste the only reason or are there other legitimate red flags about this person that your parents have raised? Would moving out mean getting married to this Singh and then moving in with him? If not, do you have plans on where to live and how to pay for that? I’m sure you’ve thought of this but I just wanted to mention these things. Are you okay with having a wedding with your parents not present? As Guruka Singh Ji has said you haven’t really mentioned how old you are or how long you have known him. I don’t need the answers but you will have to consider these things. My fear would be that you move in with his family and are completely isolated from having a support system outside of that since your family doesn’t want to continue to support you- do you have other friends, other supports outside of this Singh? Even if everything goes great, its nice to have other friends outside of a relationship. I think you’ve done well in trying your best to compromise, and to listen to your parents, but it sounds like they are the ones who don’t seem to want to compromise and are making things quite black and white for you. Since your family has contributed to your deteriorating mental health, I think the balance seems to go in favor of moving out but ultimately its up to you. Especially if you are just moving out on your own and not getting married right away it might give some time and perspective to both you and your family on the situation. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time!

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There are no other red flags. I talked to my dad today and he said I could find any other guy of my choice as long as he is a Jatt. My dad said it is good if he is Amritdhari ( keep in mind I am Amritdhari). I also do have supportive friends and the wedding would be in a couple years.

Random010 gravatar imageRandom010 ( 2018-05-07 03:03:25 -0500 )edit

answered 2018-05-07 06:21:28 -0500

Punjabi_Muslim gravatar image

updated 2018-05-20 23:54:25 -0500

Casteism do exist amongst Sikhs, Dowry traditions do exist, Female foeticide do exist, Drug problem amongst youth do exist, Apostasy do exist, Deep fractures and divisions within Sikhs do exist, Infighting and blame game do exist.

So all the problems and social evils do exist amongst Sikhs. These are the reasons Sikhism is eroding fast amongst the Indian Sikhs including it's diaspora. I have never heard of even a single non-Sikh converting to Sikhism in South Asia including India.

Soon Sikhs would disappear from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh. In the next 30 years even from India and Nepal too. And before the start of the 22nd century, from the entire world.

There are only four big religions on Earth in terms of number of followers that is Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Sikhs are much behind. Even the tribal population in India is higher than that of Sikhs.

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Asked: 2018-04-25 22:13:38 -0500

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Last updated: May 20 '18