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Confused sikh

asked 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0500

Anonymous sikh gravatar image

updated 2013-06-04 06:53:33 -0500

Hi I am a little confused regarding Sikhism and sikh practices. First and foremost all my sikh friends and family members are clean shaven yet I am the only turbaned sikh among them, by now I am fed up of being a turbaned sikh and I desire to cut my hair, would it be okay for me to cut my hair since I am the last turbaned sikh person in my family? Secondly is it okay to trim one's beard ?, as I face this problem daily of maintaining my beard daily. I have noticed many of my friends have sikh girlfriends yet I being a turbaned sikh also desire the same like every guy but unfortunately many sikh girls want a clean shaven sikh guy as their boyfriend. Is it wrong to desire to be like every one else? Many times when I had asked this question to other Sikhs whether a sikh can have a girlfriend they all seemed to give me age old lecture that having a relationship is against Sikhism. Why do I get lectured for trying to being like others? I used to run a Sikhism based website but now I have shut my Sikhism based website down as many sikh guys and girls my age group would label me as extremist, fanatic, and also orthodox minded. While I was enthusiast towards Sikhism I was not encouraged to pursue it further, but now I have taken a decision not to wear a turban ever again as I while cutting my hair as well. I am sure many of you reading will probably feel I have taken the wrong decision well I am fed up of being singled out.

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answered 2012-12-01 13:23:06 -0500

waheguru g ka khalsa waheguru g ki fateh.. i just want to say you that now i am a amritdari.. and i cut my breed almost two years.. i am also ready to cut all my hairs.. then guru"s kirpa came on me.. i am also frausted like you even more than you.. today i am proud to be a sikh.. its not important how many girlfrnd you have more i mportant is that anyone is loyal with you.. these all are stupid things.. which we have crase for short time.. but our guru,, i have no words.. you will see if u follow guru"s path your luck will follow you.. and i am the victim of this.. jis rakhe saia use mar ske na koi.. i will not stop u go ahead.. but make one thing in your mind.. without him we are nothing.. we rae just zerooooooooo.. rab rakha..

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answered 2012-11-29 15:04:40 -0500

pawan gravatar image

You're absolutely correct Bhai Sahib. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't feel odd at my school. Even though I felt odd and different from the rest, I did not let my differences affect my relationship with the Guru. I had a few friends, but most of everyone else ignored me. There were also people that gossiped behind my back about how I was probably related to terrorists and how ugly or "manly" I looked since I didn't remove my small facial hairs. Although, there were others that showed me respect whenever I did well on a test or got some award. For my Senior speech, I brought my vaaja (harmonium) to class, and I introduced my English class to the poetic verses of Kirtan. The class was amazed at how well I sang, and they even requested me to perform a Shabad. So, I was verbally harassed for some time. I even considered leaving the school, but I didn't. Both Sikh men and women are harassed for wearing their turbans, especially Sikh women, since there so few women that are willing to tie a dastaar. After I took amrit, I did not begin to tie a dastaar right away. For about three years I wore a patka over my bun like some bibiaa do at the gurudwara. During my senior year in high school, I was finally able to muster up the courage to don the crown, my dastaar. I paced myself through my journey as a Sikh. I took things slowly, and veer ji you just need to relax and take your own steps toward Waheguru slowly. The first step to take is to keep your hair. You don't need to make too many commitments with yourself all at once. When you are ready to progress forwards, He will show you the way. May you walk without fear as a brave sant-sipahi. -Sincerely Your Sikh Sister:)

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answered 2012-11-29 10:35:07 -0500

pawan gravatar image

Bhai Sahib,

I know what is is like to be ridiculed by your own family and friends for looking and acting so differently from the rest of the crowd. To be honest, no one will encourage you to follow Sikhi, especially those who do not follow the rehat themselves. I'm sure since you've studied up on Sikhi since you were a website designer. You must have also heard the quote, "Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out." If it's respect that you are asking for from your friends and family, you will not receive as a Sikh. You must remember that your self-respect comes from the Guru, since He is your spiritual guider. There was a time in my life when I too doubted whether I should keep my hair. So, one day I brought home a hair straightner, because I'd been planning to trim the ends of my hair. Luckily, my mom made me return the hair straightner, telling me that this type of fashion was not allowed in Sikhism. I've second doubted myself too. I went to an all-white Christian high school where I was the only turbaned Sikh girl in my class. I wanted to be like them, but deep in my heart I knew I could never be one of them, no matter how hard I tried. That same year, I took amrit and became a Singhini. When I went to school, I got some weird looks from my classmates and some wouldn't even speak me anymore. I don't regret the decision that I've made, and let me tell you, you will regret cutting your hair, even if it is a trimmed beard. You need to be all in for the Guru or all out. You must either decide to keep your hair or cut it, and there are no in betweens. I respect your honesty and your frustrations. I understand where you're coming from. Although I may not know you personally, I will request you veer ji, as your Sikh sister to not take this drastic step in your life just because you're afraid what others may think of you. May Waheguru bless your life and help you Sikhi flourish, so that you can reach out to those family and friends that cut their hair and have girlfriends. Whatever you decide to do, I wish the best for you.

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Asked: 2012-11-23 19:44:54 -0500

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Last updated: Aug 26 '14