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Social anxiety inner torture

asked 2012-08-25 23:10:55 -0500

anonymous user


Ive been bullied as a kid, didn't talk much through out high shool, didn't develop those deep friendship relationships with people. I was very insecure, felt very isolated & was vulnerable. Then I was blessed with Sikhi when I started attending sangat listening to Sant Baba Baldev Singh Ji from Balandpuri. It has made me into a much more stronger person but I still have some social anxiety. I can't carry on a meaningful conversation, I'm not a fun person to be around, I can't be myself around people. In large groups of people I feel like I am living in the past again, I get totally quiet, I feel unwanted. My cousin got married last year and while everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, being social, talking about a variety of topics, sports, news, etc. I felt all alone, some people tried talking to me, but I couldn't carry on a conversation, I was only able to reply with a couple words back and couldn't think of anything else to say. This is inner torture to me, sometimes I feel suicidal. I don't see the point of living, people don't seem to have this problem at all. There are such complex people who can talk about such complex topics, using technical vocabulary to articulate deep sentences. I can understand everything people say, I just cant think of anything to talk about. I feel like this is a disorder called Expressive language disorder, I read a lot but I can't seem to remember words, I can't seem to express my train of thoughts into proper speech. I don't feel like returning missed calls, I try to avoid social situations as much as possible. I have no social life. How am I suppose to make any friends like this? How am I suppose to find a women? How can I have a successful entrepreneurial career I've always wanted like this? How long will I live through this torture?

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answered 2012-08-26 14:08:43 -0500

Ish gravatar image
  • 1st question. Can u read bani? I am sure you can. Take a cyber hukamama and read its english translation. Guruji will guide you. He is everyone's guide. and then if you are an overachiever, listen to the audio katha of that page on which the hukamnama was from Sant Gurbachan Singh Ji
  • Usually the fault is within us if we look deep enough. Ask yourself if you do your Nitnem everyday. You will get your answer.
  • Listen to katha from the internet. is good enough. They talk about alot of topics. Giani Thakur Singh, Giani Raam Singh.
  • if you cant do the above, that means you need to start from the beginning because right now you dont have the good karma that can fulfill your desires. Go to your local gurdwara, do langar seva, do the dirty dishes, polish the sangat's shoes. Anything you desire will come to bear fruit by doing sangat di seva and listen to keertan tracks while doing so.
  • Pardon my language but i like to be straight up. You are a fool if your biggest concern is gettign married right now. I am sure you are in school/college/higher education of some sort. Become someone, so that you are WORTHY to become a groom. NB: the bee goes to flower because the flower can provide what the bee needs. WE GOT TO BE of service FIRST, before we can expect something in return. Apply this concept to any thing you want/desire. If you want to be more communicable and approachable, approach Guru Sahib 1st thing in the morning at amrit vella and communicate with Him through his Punj Banis. Bro, you are missing out if aren't already doing this.
  • NB: Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, becomes wealthy by serving the sangat AT THE DOOR of Guru Nanak Dev ji. We as Sikh are fortunate, but unfortunately we dont know it.

God bless you Singh

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answered 2012-08-27 06:32:30 -0500

Acceptance gravatar image

I'm in the same situation as you in the past 5 years. But I'm amritdhari and have been doing simran, following rehat and doing part since I was very young. To be frank nothing has changed I have no friends etc like you. But just accept your life as it is there is nothing you can do. Acceptance is key it is waheguru's hukam.

I know this may seem very negative the way I see; look average life time we have is of 70 years I probably have less as I'm older. You and me will die one day and this life will just remain as a dream. Nothing is permanent so just forget about your problems and live life not expecting anything any more.

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answered 2013-04-11 04:57:25 -0500

Rejection gravatar image

updated 2013-04-11 05:31:29 -0500

The only thing I believe in, is what was said in the last comment. That is how I feel now in regards to Sikhism. I know exactly how you feel because I am exactly the same. I have suffered the same things you have suffered and I have to say I was surprised by your words, it was exactly how I felt about my self, even the whole story on your cousin getting married. I know how you feel, its like you are the only one. I say the same thing about my self when I see people around me able to "LIVE" so naturally. To me, its as if God has blessed them with those virtues (and I am happy for that) but he just overlooked me. I keep asking myself why am I like this? I feel angry that I am made this way, I feel as if this is punishment for something I did in my last life, because this life I have right now is so bad. My friends go to parties, interact with people, make new friends, and are outspoken and easy to talk to. I don't have these qualities, if hukam says God is the great giver, what has he given to me? The only friends I made were through playing sports at school, those same friends were able to make the circle bigger, and I got introduced to more "friends". Alone, I can't make friends. I've tried so many times that I have given up.

I used to think marijuana could help cure anxiety, it sort of did, but it would not improve my cognitive intelligence on interacting socially. The only thing that I have noticed is that confidence, and happiness can help you with your problems. But these things are so hard to come by when your in such a dark pit as you and I are. I don't do drugs no more, I don't drink either, I do this because I want to avoid social interaction. Funny how Gurbani says you shouldn't do these things. My advice is that you should do certain activities that you like, do you like to go to the gym, for me my existence depends on working out. I love watching and playing soccer. Although I don't play for a team, I consider my self a skillful player, and I play recreational with my family and friends.

The point to my entire rant is that I too had suicidal thoughts, I would cry and sleep in misery. Suicide wasn't the answer for me because I knew it would just kill my parents and siblings. I used to pray every day, get up 4 in the morning and do all of the Jap Ji sahib which I had fully memorized. I would read the english translations in my head as I chanted the pauri's, making sure I knew what it was that I was praying. For some reason ... (more)

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Asked: 2012-08-25 23:10:55 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 11 '13