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I don't know whats wrong

asked 2019-01-21 21:34:23 -0600

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So uhh I dont know how/ where to start this. I don't know whats going on in my life anymore. Ok so I remember a long time ago we were sitting at the gurudwara and I felt like something was happening to me. I had blurred vision for like 2 secs and felt as if I was going to pass out. I was scared from my dad so I managed to calm myself and I didn't tell anyone. When we got up I was normal again. Next week it happened again so i told my parents. Then I didn't want to the gw just cuz i was scared.Then I had to go to the gw and it started happening to me again. Everything seemed weird and strange that day and it lasted for so long .Now when I look back it seemed like some sort of attack as if some wire from my brain got pulled off or something but eventually it got back (Sorry IDK how else to explain) Then it started happening at school. My parents made my appointment , I had blood tests I also went to the ER this one day, had tests there. All my tests ,EKG etc are normal . One day when it started happening at school, the health lady made me go home and that day idk what was happening i was freaking out that day(after my uncle said my brain might not be getting enough oxygen ). I couldn't calm myself and i was going up and down the stairs, trying to listen to paath etc. Since that day to almost a month it was a nightmare for me to fall asleep. My anxieties were so high , I had to take some sleeping pills all month , and still couldn't sleep properly and kept waking up. Eventually I started to sleep well w/o having the need to take the pills. I am so thankful for that bc I almost died due to sleep deprivation. I wasn't able to do any of my hw and end up getting really bad grades, failed mat. Even tho I am able to sleep, something is wrong. I don't feel normal. I dont know how to explain it. Its more mental now.I start to loose myself when I go out. Earth keeps on spinning in my head, sometimes I feel like I am going to fall inside the earth's crust. and everything feels weird. I would cry for my grades and how this is going to mess up my whole gpa. But this thing has taken over so much i dont care about grades, in fact I can't . I just wanna be normal again. I feel stuck in this world. I wanna go somewhere but dont know where. Every time I see myself I feel strange, idk who I am. Ugh sometimes I feel like ugh I dont know I cant even explain its like blood circulating ... (more)

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answered 2019-01-24 13:09:24 -0600

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2019-01-24 13:10:29 -0600

I have gratefully read your post. Thank you for posting here on this forum. I understand what you are experiencing. You explained it very well.

Do you have any daily spiritual practice that makes you feel relaxed, safe and connected? The answer isn't getting away from your parents and doing drugs to dull the anguish you feel. The answer is already inside you. With Guruji's kirpaa you can fix yourself. You must get out of your head. Your thoughts and emotions are running in loops over and over and freaking you out. The only way out is in. Do you have a favorite shabad or bani that relaxes you? You must begin to practice long, deep breathing. First slow your breath to four breaths per minute. One inhale and one exhale over 15 seconds. It becomes easy if you are sitting still with a straight spine or even lying down. Listen to a Gurbani sound current that you love. After you have mastered four breaths per minute you can begin to do two breaths per minute. Inhale for 15 seconds, then exhale for 15 seconds. Close your eyes and open yourself and listen deeply. Let your mind go into the sound current. Thoughts will come. Let them come and let them go, like clouds passing by, but don't get caught by any thought. Just recognize it then let it go. Start doing this practice for seven minutes in the morning and again in the evening. Just do it every day, no matter what. After you are comfortable with it, lengthen the time to 11 minutes in the morning and 11 minutes in the evening. You can extend up to 31 minutes if you wish. After you have done this for a week, please come back to the forum and let us know how you are doing.

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answered 2019-01-26 16:49:08 -0600

Tarran Singh gravatar image

updated 2019-02-02 12:26:27 -0600

Well Guruka Babaji did a great post, and I had some thoughts as well. I thought I could relate also because I just finished school. FIrst thing I thought after reading is, you are SO loved. SO loved by everything that is around you. In all of God's creation, we human beings are loved by God so very dearly. So God must be quite sad when we feel like we are not worthy even of living.

Please don't be down, from reading I genuinely don't see a single thing you have done wrong. Not one thing. So there is no reason for you to feel bad, and we all make mistakes, that is totally part of life. Better is to keep your head high and try again, rather than regret the past. If you try your best, no one can say anything to you.

So let's address the big issue: this feeling of 'your brain being fried'. I totally get and feel the same way lots of the time. Normally I feel that way after I have been on my phone or computer for a long time (maybe for school work etc). As Guruka Singh mentioned as well, what we can do to counter this is things like breathing work, Kundalini Yoga and Gurbani (nitnem, kirtan etc). The idea is that you use the yoga to tune your body (like you tune up an instrument), and then when you chant bani (or listen) there will be the most beautiful sound produced. Those are the sounds of the heavens! :)

Also excellent is psychical exercise, like long running and sports. Do you have friends who are very sporty or athletes? Normally these guys have a good mental clarity, because the exercise releases hormones in the body that make you feel good, and it clears your mind of garbage. So running or the gym is something you could do immediately to start feeling good and healthy. Also good, healthy food will keep your 'body machine' operating nicely. Good fruits and veg etc... Lastly seva is a great thing. God always looks after those who give, so doing seva at home or Gurdwara can be really helpful I find. And at the Gurudwara seva is normally easy to do because most have langar going on.

So about your crush with this boy and what your Auntie said, I don't think its a good idea to listen to what she said. Sexual attraction is a very natural thing, Guru Ji just advised to have one marital partner. In fact having a marital relationship is more in line with what our Gurus did than being celibate. So I don't see why to worry about that.

You said you feel stuck on this world and 'wanna go somewhere'. Thats okay. You can go into the heavenly realms when you chant Gurbani! :) Thats what goes on in heaven, and you can be up there whilst still on the earth if you want ... (more)

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Asked: 2019-01-21 21:34:23 -0600

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Last updated: Feb 02 '19