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Feeling teachinfs, Facing Barriers

asked 2013-04-07 22:23:01 -0600

anonymous user


updated 2013-04-07 22:45:24 -0600


I am white. I was in a relationship with a Sikh boy for two years. Depression caused me to nearly take my life twice. I stopped taking birth control and those thoughts faded away. He cheated and left me.

We talked of marriage. I met his family. But never felt fully validated.

He did showed me a lifestyle that felt and continues to feel right. I seem to feel this is right. But I now feel lonely and very lost.

I cry when I read Guru Granth Sahib.

Every Daily Hukamnama seems to be talking about my experience that day or my thoughts and feelings. I hold back tears.

For months I was awaken at 4am. Many times I listened to Japji Sahib as suggested by a friend. It calmed me and I would find sleep again.

I have dreams with strangers in them. I talk with Sikh men in gardens or near streams. Its calming and I dont cry.

But I cry awake. I fear my heart being broken and my loneliness and feelings of betrayl are preventing me from truly connecting with God.

I did not grow up in a religious home. I always felt uncomfortable in churches. Id ask my Sikh friends for help but they pass off this need to be my break up. But I feel its more than that. Other friends tell me to go to "my peoples" churches. I also fear that I will always be alone.

I have since invested in myself. I volunteer I know what I want to do. But I cant shake this off.

I dont know what to do. I find myself drawn here but rejected at the same time.

~Tearful Wanderer

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answered 2013-04-08 01:50:36 -0600

Tigress gravatar image

Sounds like you have had a tough time. Getting over a guy isn't easy. Doesn't sound like he's worth the hassle as he cheated on you, but it's obviously hard as you were together a long time and you're emotionally attached.

However, the fact you've been finding some peace in JapJi Sahib means something. It is perfectly fine for you to read banis, and even go to the gurdwara if that's what you want to do. If it is for yourself and makes you feel better I would strongly encourage you to carry on.

It's good that you know what you want to do and you volunteer. It's brilliant that you are picking yourself up and carrying on. Don't stop now! I'm sad to hear you have had suicidal thoughts. Remember God has a plan for you, otherwise you wouldn't be alive right now.

You have no reason to feel rejected. Although getting over a relationship is hard, you have something more beautiful that has come from this experience. You have found Sikhi. Keep doing paath, and do Ardas, it's so powerful. Find peace within!

Wahegurooo <3

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answered 2013-04-08 23:56:53 -0600

Gurujis Daughter gravatar image

Dear one, I am sorry for what you have to go throught. I understand there is just so much going on in this life right? It is so complex and you just want to get stability, and everything to get normal again.

I feel like the thoughts you are having that you will not get love again are not really correct. Such feelings are always followed by breakups but trust me, you will get over in in MAX 1-2 years! In life we face a problem, it looks too big in the present, but if you step BACK from it and see... it will all fade away in few years... you will get all that you deserve in your life. You deserve love.

To get over it... hang out with your true friends, have lots of exercise, concentrate on your work, LOVE YOURSELF!!! I feel like one should love themselves the MOST before finding a partner :)

You are luckkyyy that you have Guru ji as your support. I am very happy for you my friend that you are close to Sikhi. And YES Hukamnamas.. are DIRECT talk with God. That is when God himself speaks to you (isnt this SO amazing??? ) This is a blessing! Why don't you do Simran of Waheguru everyday? This will indeed make you better. All my problems are solved when I do simran. It just calmss your mind and helps that BIG imbalance of emotion to calmmm down and take you to a level where you feel... satisfaction, calmness... then bliss, TRUE LOVE, then perfection! Try it :) I hope everything works

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Asked: 2013-04-07 22:23:01 -0600

Seen: 1,328 times

Last updated: Apr 08 '13