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Trust Issues

asked 2018-01-25 08:15:56 -0500

Ann gravatar image

updated 2018-01-25 09:57:10 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I never want to break anyone's trust .. even if I do I feel so guilty. Yesterday I had my practical exam and my friend was being asked a question that she didn't know .. I could hear the conversation between the teacher and my friend . She gestured me and asked for the right answer but I got scared that the teacher will scold us so I just couldn't answer although I wanted to help her . After the test was over I felt so guilty that I abandoned her when she needed my help . In another case also my 2 friends were bunking the class so the teacher was asking for their parents phone number . I somehow got the chance to just step out of the class and find my friends so that I could tell them about the problem they were getting into. I just found them and told them everything then they requested me to lie to teacher so that they could be saved . I wanted to help them and didn't want to break their trust but I was scared as well ..But I. Still managed to lie to the teacher and they were saved . They thanked me but I still couldn't face them . This is my biggest weakness that I get scared what people(teacher or students)think of me . I really want to help my friends but I do worry about what people will think about me and that prevents me from helping my friends . Pls tell me how to overcome this fear . I want to be loyal towards my friends and don't wanna be selfish. It's difficult for me to face my friends . Pls tell me something so that I always help my friends ..Pls pls really need help

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answered 2018-01-25 12:10:54 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

In the practical exam case, you did the right thing not helping your friend. Firstly, you are jeopardizing your own future, secondly there are rules for a reason. Tests are to see how much a person knows. Helping her cheat is ethically and morally wrong because it is dishonest of you and is doing no service to her. This is not abandoning a person who needs help, rather you are doing what is per the rules and just doing your own test.

When you are at this age, caring about what your teacher or parents think is actually beneficial. It helps you distinguish right from wrong and can save you from a lot of trouble. It becomes a problem if you are forever aiming to please others rather than looking after yourself or thinking for yourself, so it has good and bad aspects.

In the case of your friends missing class, it was wrong of you to lie, even if it is to save them. Then they do not realize the consequences of their own actions, and you have lived a dishonest life. Your friends seem to be putting you into situations where they are asking you to do things that compromise your values, and I think that is where the conflict has arisen. You are torn between doing what is right and what we are taught in Sikhi versus breaking the trust of your friends. Please recognize that a real friend does not ask you to give up your integrity or your values. The question should not be about will my friends trust me, but rather about living a life that is per Guru Ji’s guidance. For example lying, cheating, stealing, etc. are all against Sikhi. Live that no matter what other people request of you and you cannot go wrong in life. Yes you may lose those friends, but weren’t they false friends to begin with if they do not let you live your life as per Guru Ji’s teachings? What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter, live your life as per Gurbani and you will overcome that fear. If someone asks you to do something wrong, turning it down is not selfish or dishonest, it’s being true to yourself and who you are.

Feel free to write back anytime, I hope that makes sense.

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Thank u so much , u make so much effort to make things easier for me. It means a lot.

Ann gravatar imageAnn ( 2018-01-25 14:52:04 -0500 )edit

no problem :) I have asked myself similar questions in the past, so it's nice to be able to share the learnings.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-01-25 18:44:00 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2018-01-25 08:15:56 -0500

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Last updated: Jan 25 '18