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How do I manage this pain?

asked 2016-10-21 15:11:16 -0500

anonymous user


updated 2017-03-21 15:30:12 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together. This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay. What can I do to make this more bearable?

UPDATE!!!! I did as you guys advised and I have kept busy the last few months with work and focused on myself and personal growth. It has helped me a lot. I feel a lot better about life and more fulfilled.

I am confused right now though and I need some advice. The last few months I have been certain that I didn’t want to start any relationships (like i said above) so i easily said no to everything. Yesterday, someone from the Gurdwara asked me if I would marry his son. He said that I had the qualities he was looking for in a daughter-in-law, and that he think we would make a happy couple. I have the urge to get married soon, but I feel that I want to get to know him beforehand. I want to know his bad habits as much as his good qualities and him to know mine because I think life would be easier marrying a friend and knowing what you are getting into! I think it takes some time to develop proper communication and get to know each other, and certainly it would take me time to trust enough to share ... (more)

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If you ain't ready then take some more time, when you feel you are mentally ready then do ardaas and try and find someone. Everyone has a past but with time feelings change. I'm sorry i can't really help much, but hopefully through Guru Ji's grace your problem will be resolved.

gn gravatar imagegn ( 2017-03-19 07:48:47 -0500 )edit

Yeah . Find his bad and good habbits

Amandeep007 gravatar imageAmandeep007 ( 2018-06-26 00:12:50 -0500 )edit

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answered 2016-10-22 11:37:21 -0500

gn gravatar image

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Do ardaas to Guru Gobind Singh Ji and ask him to solve your problems. Do not get married until you are physically, mentally and spiritually ready. Don't worry about other people just tell them you aren't ready.

Keep doing paath and Simran and hopefully, you can forget him and not let him be in control of your emotions.

I can't really offer much more advice but if you need more then check out these forums.

Bul chuk maf

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answered 2016-10-23 12:24:55 -0500

anon gravatar image

It takes time but you will be over it trust me, keep reading bani. And most importantly find something to keep you busy. I had something similar to you aswell, and it took me a year to get over it. And now I don;t even care anymore. It just takes time, when you feel pain just release it with reading bani. Literally bani is the only thing we have, everything else is secondary.

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Asked: 2016-10-21 15:11:16 -0500

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Last updated: Mar 17 '17