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Is it wrong to stand up for myself already once if I have been patience for the longest time? What does Gurbani say about this?

asked 2019-04-09 01:17:19 -0500

Preet1900 gravatar image

updated 2019-04-09 01:23:42 -0500

I have a couple questions. What does Gurbani say about verbal abuse and hurting peoples feelings out of jealousy and insecurity. There is a female relative who has even verbally abusing me since I was 13. I know for a fact that she has done this out of deep rooted jealousy and insecurity that she had from way before. She doesn’t see the wrong in what she does. I love her son and daughter who are my niece and nephew very much but she still doesn’t care. She still lets her jealousy take over.

I have always felt scared to defend myself because my mother, brother, and I have live in their house. But honestly, the biggest reason is I’m afraid of Waheguru. I’m afraid I’ll be judged for doing one thing wrong while she won’t be judged for any of her as actions. I have to answer Waheguru one day. Her hateful and spiteful actions have made me doubt myself a lot and have really affected my self esteem over the years. I feel like it’s gotten to the point that my patience is wearing thin. I also understand that she’s very insecure and doesn’t like herself. I feel for her but it doesn’t mean she can hurt other people because of it. She has no right to do. I was wondering if it’s wrong to stand up for myself even a little bit.

What does Gurbani say about it? I don’t want to physically or verbally do anything wrong. I have been tolerating this for a very long time but she just won’t stop. I feel like me not doing anything about it makes her think what she’s doing is right and that it’s ok to treat someone like that.

I was wondering would it be a sin for me to stand up for myself even a little bit? Whenever I think about it, I start getting very paranoid and start getting very fearful. I read somewhere that our Gurus wanted us to be nice to all but also stand up to injustice. This has really impacted me negatively over the years. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but just help her realize what she’s doing is not write.

My mother tells me to be patient but I have been patient for the past 10 years putting up with this. I have gone thru very tragic stuff in my life besides this and have never complained but this situation is something that hinders me from even stepping out of my room when she’s around.

Will I be the wrong one if I stand up for myself even a little bit? We girls aren’t supposed to say anything to anyone but I feel Waheguru gave me the strength to deal with this but I’m too scared of being judged. Can you please answer my questions and give me ... (more)

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answered 2019-04-10 12:00:47 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2019-04-10 12:02:01 -0500

Dear Preet Ji - Waheguru Ji. This is simply a karmic interlock between you and her. You can break this interlock. The way to break it is to not only patience, but simply love. First you have to hear and feel her words and remain silent as you examine your own physical and emotional reaction to them. Feel it in your body and mind. Then start to defuse the reaction within you. Breathe deeply. Inhale deeply and say "Wahe" silently to yourself. Exhale and silently say "Guru" as you open your heart and send out loving energy from your heart. Consciously let go of your reactive energy. Don't say anything. Let yourself relax into the moment and relate to her soul. Let your soul connect to her soul beyond any words she is saying. Silently send her love and forgiveness. Don't speak until you feel deeply calm and centered in your heart. Words spoken from the mind fly by. Words spoken from the heart penetrate the awareness of the other person. Therein lies true communication and the end of this karmic interlock. You are the only one who can break it.

Never be afraid of Waheguru. Waheguru already knows everything and He is the most loving, forgiving and understanding of all.

ਸਲੋਕ ਮਃ 4 ॥ ਜਿਸੁ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਤਾਤਿ ਪਰਾਈ ਹੋਵੈ ਤਿਸ ਕਾ ਕਦੇ ਨ ਹੋਵੀ ਭਲਾ ॥ ਓਸ ਦੈ ਆਖਿਐ ਕੋਈ ਨ ਲਗੈ ਨਿਤ ਓਜਾੜੀ ਪੂਕਾਰੇ ਖਲਾ ॥ (ANG 308)

SLOK, FOURTH HOUSE: One whose heart is filled with jealousy of others, never comes to any good. No one pays any attention to what she says; she is just a fool, crying out endlessly in the wilderness.

ਗਉੜੀ ਮਹਲਾ 5 ॥ ਏਕਸੁ ਸਿਉ ਜਾ ਕਾ ਮਨੁ ਰਾਤਾ ॥ ਵਿਸਰੀ ਤਿਸੈ ਪਰਾਈ ਤਾਤਾ ॥1॥ ਬਿਨੁ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਨ ਦੀਸੈ ਕੋਈ ॥ ਕਰਨ ਕਰਾਵਨ ਕਰਤਾ ਸੋਈ ॥1॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Gauree, Fifth Mehl: Those whose minds are imbued with the One Lord, forget to feel jealous of others. ||1|| They see none other than the Lord of the Universe. The Creator is the Doer of everything, the Cause of all causes. ||1||Pause||

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Hello, thank you so much for answering my question. I understand everything you said. It all makes sense. But I’m also wondering if it’s wrong to stand up for myself at all. Will it be wrong for me to help her realize her mistake because she does it to other people also.

Preet1900 gravatar imagePreet1900 ( 2019-04-13 21:04:02 -0500 )edit

People can only hear when their hearts are open and their mind is stilled. If you sense that the time is right, you can bring it up with her, but only in the context of how it makes you feel. Remember, timing is everything. The other person must be relaxed and open in order for them to hear you.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2019-04-16 09:48:35 -0500 )edit

Speak from empathy, not from your emotions.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2019-04-16 09:49:56 -0500 )edit

Thank you much Guruka ji. I was also wondering. Whenever someone tries to point out her negative behavior, she completely ignores it & continues with it. Why is it that people do this? Why do they resist change? Even if the other person has always been kind to them? Does kindness really not work?

Preet1900 gravatar imagePreet1900 ( 2019-04-19 08:36:13 -0500 )edit

It's not about kindness. People are attached to their behaviors because they serve them emotionally in some way. A person cannot hear until it's time for them to hear.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2019-04-19 10:17:59 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2019-04-09 01:17:19 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 10 '19