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asked 2018-02-24 13:37:49 -0600

Sikh32 gravatar image

I recently got the chance to move to univeristy and live on campus and now live a double life. To be completely honest, after grade 11 highschool, I stopped caring about sikihi as much as I did before. And please do not try to convince to go back being a full-fledged sikh, cus that is not my question here.

As a little kid, my parents put me into khalsa school. They were both amritdhari, but were constantly at work, but they wanted me to have sikh values. As a kid, you are simply told to believe in something so you do. So basically, in grade 8, my parents got me to take amrit. It was not forced or anything, they just suggested I do it and I went ahead with it. As a child, I was very much into sikhi, did kirtan, attended gatka classes etc. and I enjoyed it. As I grew older, I started to find it very tedious to keep up with the rehat (always wearing kirpan, waking up early etc) and did not enjoy adhering to those rules as much. On top of that, I had non-sikh friends that were living free lives (they obviously did not have to follow any rehat). Let me make one thing clear, although my friends were non-sikh and non-religious, they never pressured me into doing anything against my religion. They were always very accepting of me and we had good times together. To stray away from sikhi was my own personal decision and not anybody else's influence.

I began trim my beard a little bit in grade 10 and my parents very quickly noticed and caught on. I had to confess to them after lying about for months and my whole family was devastated. Mom was crying, dad was highly dissapointed and my sisters (one of them is amritdhari) was very dissapointed at me. My mom and my dad are both amritdhari and veryy religious, and honestly, I'm proud of them for adhering to sikhi so closely. So after finding out about this, I had to re-take amrit (very well knowing that I would cut my hair again) and all was good for about a year.

Then in Grade 11-12 summer, I started eating meat and occasionally drank alcohol. That is where it all changed for me. Obviously these worldly desires won't last me forever, and I know sikhi is the righteous path to follow, but I am a young guy in his late teens. I wanna live the life of the typical college student and enjoy life. I do not find it very "fun" or even "enlightening" to sit down for an hour every morning and do nitnem. I have also started trimming my beard a little bit again, but parents don't really notice because it is so long now. Whenever I go out with my friends, I eat meat.

Even by doing all that, I am not an atheist that is opposed to sikhi ... (more)

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answered 2018-02-24 22:37:23 -0600

kaurchic gravatar image

First, I'm sure your parents already know. Mata and Pita see all and know all about their children, even if you are not aware of it yourself.

You have to tell them the truth to lead an honest life that will be more fulfilling. When you were a child, you obeyed and lived according to their rules. They guided and directed you according to the Guru's teachings as best as they could.

Now you are entering into college/university - a defining moment in your life filled with challenges but also a journey full of enjoyment. The task at hand for you is to develop more into your identity. Build good morals, beliefs, and hold strong to what you believe in. Have fun. Learn. Grow and Develop. Experience life. Exchange knowledge. Do your best. Focus on your studies.

Don't get caught up and influenced by your peers. By that I mean engaging in reckless behavior and not focusing on your studies. Your parents raised you to do well in school so you must honor that.

Everything else - according to Sikhism rules. Do what your able. Be true to yourself. Ask yourself....can I stop eating meat? Does this go against what I believe in? Can I cut my hair? Does this go against what I believe in? Take a good look at yourself and ask yourself these questions? Respect your parents rules while you are living in their house. That's not leading a double life. It is a sign of understanding for the way your parents raised you, the values they instilled, and not forgetting what they have taught you.

Your going to be taking a lot of different courses so expand your horizons. Take a philosophy course - learn more about God and how God is explained from that school of thought. If it is of any interest to you. Take a religion studies course.

Your parents will accept you for who you are. You need to accept you. Tell the truth. Once you tell the truth, you won't be living a double life anymore. You will find yourself in being truthful.

If you want to live your life without being held down than do it. You answered your own question. This is the direction you are heading in so own it. Explain your perspective with integrity to your parents. Trust me. They will understand.

Regarding Nitnem, there will come a point in your life when you will miss it and will want to recite your prayers and even listen to Gurbani. That will stay apart of your life forever, especially if you grew up listening when you were a child.

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Asked: 2018-02-24 13:37:49 -0600

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Last updated: Feb 24 '18