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asked 2017-11-13 18:50:50 -0600

sanjlon gravatar image

updated 2017-11-16 07:13:08 -0600

Dear Strongkaur and all helpful SIkhs , You have been very good with advice, thank you so much, I was speaking to a Granthi friend of mine and he was telling me you will always have problems disciplining her child and this could create division and misunderstanding in the future. I did tell her that my family is incomplete without a girl child, and she said 2 of yours and 1 of mine 3 is enough! I dont really know what to do! I'd ask her about what she would like to do when she gets here she says i need to take a break first! then think! as you may know living in these western countries is not easy, just managing key household expenses is becoming tough! I am also doing a couse in Health Sciences and a Course in Nutrition this can help me get a better job in London etc...if not I could migrate to US or other place! my younger brother lives in canada and I am sure he can help if he can see that I haveraised my education qualifications and can get decent wages etc. The Granthi has a relative who is widowed and he would like me to marry her as she has no child. My kids are here in London and she is in Phagwara Punjab India. But my younger son would love to have a little brother or sister! She doesnt talk much about her divorce but says that er husband was involved in drugs etc. and thats why she left him. and her brother and family support her so there must be truth in that part of the story! Long term goals... I have no idea! I have plans but only see myself working hard and progressing well pulling my family cart by myself and it may carry on like that... there will be some benefits of a woman being home ...after the kids get home feom school etc and i can have a full time job... some advantages and i dont know what disadvantages! but i am hoping things will get better! I am still morning my wifes death! its hard! being a widower, with 2 children and not support from family etc! Plse help!

I have been this website for advice which has been very good compared to some peopel who i thought were close friends and family. Since I lost my dear dear wife due to breast cancer last nov 2016, It has been very hard trying to be both mother and father to my 2 boys who are 14 and 11. As i wish to be independent and not look for permanent help from Mum and sisters, as they have things to do as well.e.g if i rely on mum 100% for food/dinner and then one day she decides to go on holiday to visit relatives etc. then for the days she is not here I am completely stuck! So i have ... (more)

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answered 2017-11-13 23:08:58 -0600

strongKaur gravatar image

updated 2017-11-19 03:18:20 -0600

I'm glad you have found someone you feel comfortable with. I know you struggled a lot after the death of your wife and since the last time you wrote, I feel like you have made a lot of positive changes. Keep up the good work. I guess the questions I would ask is how does she feel about raising your kids (obviously you’ve mentioned you are fine with raising hers), do the kids all get along and how do they feel about it, what is her parenting and discipline style and does it match yours, why is she single (is she divorced? What happened with her relationship and does it raise red flags for you), are you on the same page for long term goals? What are your expectations of each other? Does your life purpose match? Do you have similar devotion for Sikhi? Is there any reason to think she’d get some sort of financial or other gain from this. Try getting to know her family. Caste shouldnt be an issue

With your update I'm feeling uncertain of what to say but I don't want you to think no one is replying! I think you got a lot more information about her and what she plans. What does your heart feel, what does your gut say? That’s an important feeling. Maybe you need some more time? I think you should do ardas and God will guide you.

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Sat Sri Akal Ji. Many thanks for your comments!

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-11-14 17:26:34 -0600 )edit

no problem! best of luck sanjlon

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-11-14 17:40:41 -0600 )edit

answered 2017-11-13 20:59:37 -0600

infinite12 gravatar image

Sorry to hear of the tough time you've went through but i'm sure your positive teachings towards your kids while pay off and make you happy. Being alone may seem tough at times but I highly suggest you first ask your mind if you're ready to do this, look at the possibilities within your own family first. Caste does not matter in this case as other factors would play a larger role. Do realize the age difference would create some changes and adjustments, it would be important to know if she is fully ready. If you feel all is well and your kids are going to agree then things could work out. Look at the outcomes positively and see if it works out to happen. Do notice her behaviour or other aspects of her to make sure she will be the one to bring happiness. Trust in your intuition and follow from there. Best of luck :)

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Asked: 2017-11-13 18:50:50 -0600

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Last updated: Nov 19 '17