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Overcoming anger with fake "friends"?

asked 2014-02-19 12:20:11 -0600

anonymous user



I am having a small issue with moments of extreme anger over people who used me. Basically these three individuals were mutual friends i have worked with them for three years in the past and the friendship has been on a small level ie. we only went for lunch during work or after work etc. In other words we only would see each other at work never outside of work. Unfortunately one of them lost their mother and had decided to move back home to be with his father who was now alone which was near me so they had moved out of their apartment and now had to commute to work. They would take the bus to my house and then sit in my car on the way to work.

Issues began a few weeks later when they started taking things for granted, he would bring friends who would want a free lift without informing me before hand, he would leave rubbish in the car and damage it by not taking care when loading and unloading his bag. Overtime the money he paid me for fuel wasn't covering the cost in the damages due to them losing a parent i decided not to act harshly and had a polite word and them knowing this took full advantage of the situation. He recently moved back into his apartment after realising i was about to stop him from commuting with me, i also found out when he moved back his father had bought him a car and told him to drive instead of me from time to time but didnt tell me about this so he could save time and money instead. This meant some days it meant my parents had no use of a car at home and were having to take long train and bus rides instead, i have also found out that this person has been making fun of me behind my back saying im attached to material objects due to me taking care of my car and not allowing him to leave rubbish in the car, the lengths this person has gone to use my money instead of their own is beyond belief even for just a drink from the shop they would say they had no change so i would buy it from them when minutes later i would see them putting in change into the vending machine at work.

This is a small summary of how this person has made me angry there is a lot more this person has done indirectly also but that would take up a lot of time to write. To summarise i was used by this person of which then went on to make a fool of me when i told them to stop damaging my car giving me a reputation of being selfish with my other work colleague when in truth i did him a great favour at the cost of my own time and money ... (more)

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answered 2014-02-21 07:34:17 -0600

Veejay gravatar image

Think of the bigger picture. You may have owed this person from another lifetime. Now your debt is paid. In addition, you will be much better at reading the signs of character. It may have nothing to do with appearance. Another important outcome of these experiences is to understand where our anger is coming from and what we can do about it. You have done several good deeds out of the goodness of your heart. Now that you know the man's character, would you do them again? The answer would tell you whether you expected something in return. Maybe you would help him after the death, but not pay for his tea. Another question to ask is what am I angry about? I have found that it is usually my ego that is making me suffer. Being made foolish by someone you thought of as a friend is very bruising to the ego. Everyone who has a good heart has to go through this test. When we are sincere, we realize that some of our kind acts have ego behind them. The anger tells us to work harder on observing our ego. Naam simran is very helpful. Chardi kala!

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Asked: 2014-02-19 12:20:11 -0600

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Last updated: Feb 21 '14