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Is it wrong to love your cousin? Why is sex before marriage considered wrong?

asked 2017-04-14 16:44:32 -0500

Anonymous Kaur 2392 gravatar image

updated 2017-04-27 11:28:34 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Sat shiri akaal, Im the same girl who posted the question of me 14 masterbating, pulling hair and having thoughts of sex. Those answers that I received helped me. I thank everyone who responded to that question. Strong Kaur helped me a lot with love.

Ive been having strong feelings for my cousin. He is basically my second cousin ( My dads dads sisters sons son). He is 14 months older than me. Me and him share great grandparents. Ever since I met him ive been having a crush on him. I've known him for loads of months now. Only my dad knows about me crushing on him. Will it be wrong for me to love him? I've even been having thoughts of marrying him. But the only problem is that he is my thaya's son. There are signs that he has feeling for me but has not confessed yet. Does the Guru Granth Sahib say who we should love or not? I've been searching all over the Internet and I still can't find an answer.

Another question... I still don't understand why sex before marriage is wrong. What if you truly love the person and you feel that what ever your doing is right. I know if I do this after a few years this will be wrong for him especially because he and I will disrespect Guru Gobind Singh Ji without his consent (marriage). But I still don't understand why this is wrong. If I have sex with someone then marry him after, what is the problem of sex before marriage in that situation. If I'm in that situation what should I do? Should I have sex or leave it for after marriage?

Thanks Wjkk wjkf

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answered 2017-04-18 11:33:30 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2017-04-27 14:57:14 -0500

Sex has become disconnected from intimacy. People say, "What's the problem? It's just sex." But sex without intimacy has no divinity, no deep satisfaction. It becomes both addictive and repulsive, and such a person can never experience the depth of happiness. Those who become a slave to their horniness are never satisfied. They are always itchy and scratch their itch over and over. Those who are divine enjoy ecstasy.

If you have sex with him, how do you know you will marry? You don't. Better to work on the relationship and getting to know each other than to "just have sex."

Please check out these two great blog posts by Christine Kaur "Kaam" and "Kaam (continued)"

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Thank you so much Uncle Ji. Your reply has helped me. Only a few questions. Will I be forgiven in a situation like this? If this has happened accidently either by drunk Ness, is it wrong? I know that you shouldn't drink because you cannot control yourself after that. I'm just curious on the topic.

Anonymous Kaur 2392 gravatar imageAnonymous Kaur 2392 ( 2017-05-11 18:47:43 -0500 )edit

answered 2017-04-16 05:28:12 -0500

Not at all Punjabi gravatar image

Please try to control yourself. Sikhism doesn't permit having sex before marriage or outside marriage, in fact no religion allows it. And that too having sex with brother, sister, cousin or even distant cousin is the most heinous sin and morally this is not good at all in marrying your cousin.

Men are like Wolfs, for having Sex they might promise you anything including marriage but once you get into sexual relationship with a man before marriage you will finally end up ruining your life because sooner or later he gonna ditch you. Everything will go well till the day you say yes to sex but the day you stop having sex and start pressurizing him for marriage, it would be all over.

So, better control yourself and request your Parents to get you married to a suitable match when you reach the age of around 20-22. And be careful, if you are not able to control yourself at this age then you will soon find yourself in worst trouble.

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Asked: 2017-04-14 16:44:32 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 27 '17