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Just wanted to talk

asked 2017-01-07 06:59:05 -0500

Kaur86 gravatar image

updated 2017-01-07 07:02:01 -0500

I don't know if this is a story for this site but felt like I need to speak to some one. I got introduced to this guy through family, we got to know each other for 3 months met up every weekend spoke all the time got on really well!

He was not my type at all completely opposite to what I got with! I thought I've always gone for "my type" and it's never worked out....the first date I looked at him and thought no way not my type! But then hours went by and he was really nice I felt like I kinda knew he was the one from the first date! I've never had that feeling before!

After weeks or maybe a month went by....He told me I need to take my barriers down but I said I haven't known you long and it will take time, I'm not going to put myself in that position of dropping my barriers and getting hurt.

We talked about marriage and his family knew my family knew! He then out of the blue told me he doesn't have that crazy feeling about me so he wants to call it a day.

I feel like a mug I feel like everything he said was a lie!

I know feel like my barriers are been higher and how will I trust again! I was myself throughout the whole thing....it got me thinking maybe it's me maybe I'm doing something wrong!

Maybe what I felt was not real but I've never had that feeling when I know with anyone else!

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answered 2017-01-08 03:27:49 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

Definitely the right site. I’m so sorry that happened. You must be so hurt!

It wasn’t wrong of you to trust him- you were even talking about getting married. So remember that what you felt can be real no matter what he felt or didn’t feel. Sometimes we go back in time and think we made a mistake in believing someone wouldn’t hurt us, but it’s not a mistake to love or trust or believe in the best in people. It’s a normal thing to do in order to build a meaningful relationship.

It is a big risk we take when we let our guard down and really let a person get to know us. Sometimes it can be really rewarding, deep and meaningful, and sometimes it can be really hurtful when it doesn’t end well. It’s normal for you to be scared to trust now and have more barriers. It’s a thing that we do to protect ourselves when we have been hurt and that’s okay!! When the time is right, you will find a way to trust again. It’s okay if that doesn’t happen for a while and it's the safe thing for you to do right now emotionally.

It sounds like he asked you to trust him, to let your barriers down, and after you did, he broke things off. That was a horrible thing for him to do! Such a betrayal. I can see why you felt like everything was a lie. Obviously he spent a lot of time with you so he must have actually liked the talks and had somewhat of an intention of a future with you. It was unfortunate that he lacked the maturity and communication skills to be able to have a real conversation about it. I mean if he didn’t have strong feelings for you, he should have told you much sooner, before he asked you to let your barriers down and before you were talking about marriage. If it was about something else then he should have told you so you could work on the relationship. We can't know what happened if he wasn't being honest about his feelings. Maybe he just didn't have the skills or practice to be able to do it so he said it in the only way he learned how.

You’re a great person and you will find the right person for you...Someone with better communication skills who knows how to talk about his feelings and build a relationship! It says nothing about your worth or your ability to find someone in the future. I know it hurts but try to remember that it’s better to have found out at least now rather than later. And that you don’t need to spend your life with someone not crazy for you. You deserve to spend your life with someone who absolutely loves you. You ... (more)

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Thank you so much for taking time to respond! Your absolutely right, he wasn't right for me! I just needed to express my feelings to not some one who is in my circle but out my circle! Thank you for understanding and responding

Kaur86 gravatar imageKaur86 ( 2017-01-08 16:31:17 -0500 )edit

no problem :)

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-01-09 22:41:43 -0500 )edit

I think it would be so different if people had skills to be able to communicate properly in relationships. Personally i know it takes a lot of practice and it doesn't come naturally or easy. it takes work

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-01-10 21:49:21 -0500 )edit

and it kind of has to be self-motivated. Each partner has to be willing to put in the effort of learning how to work through an issue or communicate properly about what's going on with them.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-01-10 21:51:33 -0500 )edit

so then it doesn't feel like a sudden slap in the face!

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2017-01-10 21:54:05 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2017-01-07 06:59:05 -0500

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Last updated: Jan 08 '17