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Angry Husband - 2

asked 2012-04-21 10:28:41 -0500

anonymous user

Anonymous

updated 2018-01-03 16:12:24 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Sat siri akal

I am the same one who asked for your advice under a title " Angry Husband " on 13/10/2011

My situation has gone worse. I am in a joint family and nobody likes me. My husband can not support me because of the financial loss and his mother making every member of family against me and does drama in front of family that my presence in family making her ill and ill. My husband's brothers are forcing my husband to divorce me. They just don't say negative things about me but also for my two yrs old daughter. That makes me very, very angry and i answer them back straightway and whenever i open my mouth situation doesn't go in my favour and they start asking me to leave the house.

I don' understand how to control my temper? I am very frustrated and i am trying to find a job so that i can spend less time in this house but job market is not good.

I have lost my faith in Waheguru even God has given me two beautiful kids but what their life would be after my divorce. My own family is not in same country and this is second marriage of my husband and mine.

I am in a hell and dont know how to bring peace in my life. I have totally forgotten the feeling of happiness.

Please tell me how to control my temper and frustration, not for my happiness but for good future of my kids.

Please do tell me something.

Sat siri akal

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answered 2012-04-23 12:55:09 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Bhen Ji - Your situation is very difficult. You are in a situation of abuse. Do not allow yourself to be in that situation. When you or your kids are being abused. Remove yourself and them. When you are abusing, stop yourself. When you act or speak in anger you destroy. It is time to act, not to react. I will assume that you have already watched the video we made on controlling anger. Your kids feel everything that you are going through. Their antennas are very highly tuned and they are receiving on all frequencies.

Your beauty and your power lies in your grace and your majesty. Peace only comes at the Guru's charan in the company of the Sadhsangat. Anything else is temporary.

.....G

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answered 2017-12-25 16:41:22 -0500

sanjlon gravatar image

Bhenji please go the Gurudwara and do sewa Waheguruji will help!

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answered 2017-12-29 08:27:45 -0500

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This post is a wiki. Anyone with karma >100 is welcome to improve it.

Bhenji Sabar is your weapon. Do as much paath as you can. I know its easy for me to say but very very hard to practice. I can relate to your situation. The thing is most of our families love own daughters to the core but they treat the daughter in laws differently. But i would suggest as you said your mother in law is ill, do takecare of her try to be a daughter rather than Daughter in law as she might be really sick not physically but mentally help her to get out of that situation.

She is a lady and you are a lady as well what you are going through maybe she might have experience something similiar which may be the reason she is bitter with you. Rome wasnt built in one day so it might take number of attempts for you to get her talking. Dont give up. Try to talk to your mother in law not as daughter in law but as a daughter. Just keep in mind your ego will stop you from been nice to your mother in law but dont give up as you will be doing this not for yourself but for your children. As said by bhai sahebji above that kids antennas are very highly tuned. We think our children dont understand things but they are one who are observing each and every move of everyone and then pick their behaviours from us adults. One day as everyone have to leave this sansaar so will your mother in law please love her and respect her. As if you will be treating her with respect and dignity your kids will treat you same way in your old age. So been respectful towards your mother in law will definately earn you respect , peace and calm in eyes of not only your kids but your husband and waheguruji as well. Be strong as all storms have time limits nothing last forever.Be kind to everyone.

Whatever we sow we get the fruit accordingly. My suggestion for controlling anger is to start doing an activity which brings you peace and calm. You can start writing a dairy about how you feel when you are angry. Or take your self away from the disputed situation and go for a walk. Or listen to meditation music or do paath or talk to a person you trust for advise example your brother,sister, mum, dad, husband, friends as a third person's point of view who thinks good for you and your kids will surely help you. Join some charitable cause as all this arguments wont earn anything but stress. Doing some seva will surely help you. Make a daily routine to go to Gurudwara saheb and attend sangat and do sewa.

I hope my advise helps you. Waheguruji will help you! takecare

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answered 2018-01-11 21:31:49 -0500

amangahunia gravatar image

updated 2018-01-12 11:53:29 -0500

Reading the above responses, I agree fully. I think sewa will most certainly help you in combination with prayer and meditation. Start going to the temple regularly. Tell your family that you are having some difficulty in your life and need support. You are looking to enhance the well being of your life as well as your children's life so they will be treated fairly. Please don't react in these types of situations. Respond appropriately by communicating your needs in the given situation.

If the situation is too tense, then say that. "I need some time, we are saying mean things to each other" "I don't like this" Gather your thoughts and then approach the person at a later time when things are calm and there is order. Figure out what you want to say. Listen to Gurbani. Mool mantra is good paat to listen to calm anxiety. Meditate on His name. Approach the person with grace. Bring out your good side and then begin to speak. Come from a place of compassion and understanding. Guruji will bring that goodness out of you. Trust in His name.

Spend quality time with children. After dinner, conduct prayer time or bible study with your children. Help them realize the importance of understanding the beautifulness and poetry of listening to paat and gurbani. Explain in English the meaning.

Get involved and be creative with your children, whether it be taking fun pictures with your kids - doing crafts and taking pictures of their creations - you can even frame them. When a holiday comes around - like Valentines Day you can do fun things with them. You want to bring out the best in them and make your children happy. Your children will appreciate these moments spent with you.

Another important aspect to this is by you spending quality time with your children, your mother in law will acknowledge that and see how great of a mother you are. Your maternal instincts will shine through. She will respect you, but you also give her respect in return. The relationship is mutual. There is no right or wrong person. It is all based on experience, but good morals and beliefs are above everything else. Please do some research about what the Guru Granth Sahib says about "motherly duties" toward her children. Something else to keep in mind, is you are your mother in laws child too.

I want to add by saying, read the articles on here. Do your own research. Search this website and spend some serious time by yourself to understand how the links about certain topics can help you.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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answered 2018-01-16 01:41:17 -0500

Kaur8 gravatar image

updated 2018-01-16 01:46:39 -0500

I can understand your situation bhen ji. But I am not agree with suggestion to do sewa of your mother in law because some people never get change . I have personal experience about situation like you even worst than your situation. My parents are here in US, still they are not allow to come my house even though I am living with only my husband. I have two kids too. My mother in law was sick and I was one who was taking care of my mother in law even though I was living separated from her and she was living with my brother in law and his family, still I was taking care of her and never said anything bad to her or anybody at home and she always said bad words for me , my parents and even for my relatives too . I was taking care of her only with one hope that she would like me one day. You know that during her last days, she insulted me and my parents in front of all our relatives and family friend without any reason and for my husband his brother, his wife, their kids and his parents are more than God . My husband always say bad words to our daughter and me So my suggestion is that do Sukhmani sahib path everyday instead of taking care of her. One more thing when my husband was living with his girlfriend, then ek babaji told me to do moolmantra path for 75 mins everyday and jot jaguni a for 40 days.You have to keep your husband photo and gurusahib g Di picture in front of jot. Wash your hair and wear washed cloth every time and after path wash those clothes .you can start this path on Wednesday or Friday . I did that path then my husband left his gf after 7 years. That time I was alone in this country. You could imagine that I saw my husband sleeping with another woman in my house. I will suggest to do path. Live for yourself

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Asked: 2012-04-21 10:28:41 -0500

Seen: 828 times

Last updated: Jan 16