Singh1844's profile - activity

Wjkk wjkf.

Please bare with me before you judge me based on the above title.

When i was 17 years old (now 28) my mum was very close with a, now known to be fake, baba. This individual used to take masses of cash from us and would keep evil away! Now, this person sat my mum down and said that her eldest son (me) would have to take amrit within the next week or else he would get thrown infront of a truck when crossing the road, and that after he takes amrit he would have to pay £160 a month for his protection. I know it sounds awful. My mother then instructed me that i would be taking amrit in that week, with immidiate effect id be giving up meat and would be waking up and doing paat etc. this was quite the shock to the system for me. My father didnt believe in this baba and was shocked that id done it. For years i paid out cash to this person before refusing to. i love my faith but i wasnt ready for the committment.

Today, i havent eaten meat or drank alcohol but am questioning why i did take it when i wasnt ready. I wasnt allowed to go to uni because of this babas advice, i wasnt allowed to go travelling, see certain friends, i got married early because of this person, to someone i didnt know till the day i married her, now we have two children. She is a wonderful person, but we are not compatible at all.

I do not want to be someone i am not. I have lived all my life the way others have wanted me to. I love my faith but i struggle with the amritdhari lifestyle. I will continue to do seva, but i need to denounce my amrit and do it again when im ready, from my heart not someone elses. Unfortunantly, the same may have to apply for my marriage. I care for my wife, she is a saint in my eyes, but i cant make chemistry between us.

How do i make it better?

Ps please dont judge me, thats gods job.

Wjkk wjkf