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You say... "...Especially when you're a sinner and there are people who have went out of their way to hurt you, to destroy you" and my reply is, it's not about you. Drop it. Forgive them and forgive yourself. Then forgive Waheguru for separating you from Him. It starts there. The past is gone. It does not exist except within your own mind. You are the one who chooses to keep playing those old 'videotapes' in your head. Start by deciding not to do that. Then catch it when it starts and utter "Waheguru!" out loud and consciously turn your thoughts elsewhere.

You must work on yourself. That means a daily sadhana together with a profoundly deep longing in your soul to see the One. If your longing is sincere - and you offer that longing to your Guru, then that deepest longing of your soul will be fulfilled. First you must see the One within yourself, then you will see the One in all.