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It sounds like he isn’t giving you what you need in terms of connection- physical and emotional. I think it’s time to talk about this clearly. Start off with just talking about what’s not working for you (maybe don’t bring his mother into the picture yet, you have enough issues as it is with just his behaviour) and open the communication. It sounds like he doesn’t like the idea of counselling. is he willing to work on it? are you willing to work on the marriage with him? I think those are first steps before talking about ending the marriage. It’s important for him to realize you think there is a serious problem that needs to be worked upon before you spring the conversation of ending it on him. Ask him seriously if he can make these changes for your child and you. If he isnt intersted in counselling maybe someone else can intervene- like is he willing to even talk to someone else?

If you do decide on divorce, you could then think about getting affairs in order like getting a lawyer and talking about options before you have that conversation with your husband. Your lawyer can talk to you about the fears of having your child taken away. I don’t know how that all works with custody.

I really don’t think you should just adjust. Of course there is compromise, there is adjustment naturally. But I think this is far beyond adjusting and compromising. You are giving up a piece of yourself, and hugely, you are sacrificing your needs. A child sees that both parents aren’t living happily and will pick up on that without you having to say it and it will affect them in some way. Some kids more than others depending on temperament. He’s not more important than you. It sounds a lot like you’ve been neglected. And it’s not okay for him to expect you to obey him. Your counsellor sounds not very helpful and you might want to think about finding a new one.

best of luck with your situation. continue to do ardas and you don't need to ask for anything, God knows and will provide what help you need in the day.