Revision history [back]

Maybe rather than praying for a specific outcome pray for God’s grace or direction or Naam. The reason I say this is sometimes what we pray for brings us in the wrong direction, or ends up hurting us and God is protecting us when we don’t get that. So rather, leave it up to God. I didn’t used to understand this when I was 16, but there is a big difference between 16 and 20. And you’ll say but there’s still a 4 yr difference when you are 20 and he is 24 and that’s acceptable then why isn’t it if you are 16 and he is 20. I’m saying that it’s not the age difference itself but rather that at age 16 you still have a lot of growing to do. The brain is still growing, you still have a lot to experience in life.

The sexual stuff always makes breakups a lot harder. I know you miss him and love him. Give yourself some time to get over the sadness of the breakup. I would suggest really trying to keep yourself busy and connecting with your inner self. Work on your connection to God. Think about your life and your goals in life and how to achieve them. Is there a way for you to not hang around him for now? Obviously the fact that he’s dating someone else is going to really hurt. I agree, it’s hard to move on that fast! In the blink of an eye he’s with someone else. Which is why I would question his original feelings/why he broke up and how he could move on so fast. In my opinion it’s really mean of him to be flaunting this relationship in front of you. You deserve to be loved and cared for, and you will one day.

I understand your nervousness of being sexual with someone else. It’s a big deal to share that level of intimacy with someone, especially as a young woman. (of course there’s the risks of STIs and getting pregnant that we all have to think about). But I think you shouldn’t worry about how to start over with someone else right now. Like focus now on yourself, and what you need to feel healthy emotionally and mentally. Think about how to balance out those feelings of kaam. There’s a ton of posts about that on this website. And think about how to plan better for a long-term relationship for when next time comes along.

Maybe you will be together one day, maybe you won't. But i think you shouldn't obsess about that, but rather focus on how to make yourself feel better for the time being. God will let you know when the time is right. I'm saying this of course knowing that right now the pain is fresh and its gonna take you a long time to be not obsessing and worrying and thinking about it.