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Many thanks for your answer, You have looked at everything quite well ans assessed the situation very well, I split from my elder sister and made a new place with my wife 8 yrs ago, but at the moment i take my younger son to have his hair done as he has long hair and my wife always wanted him to be a Sikh, I try and go there 1or 2x a week in the evening as my mother has come from another country to help me but she prefers to live at my sisters house just down the road, My son says when my mother is doing his hair she is pulling it alot and he starts crying, they will not listen to him so i am really stuck, my son will not anyone touch his hair, but still we have to wash and comb it anyway. I have done waht you say, check the situation and if it is heading for conflict i leave, or stop talking, If there were dealing with grief like this then it must be horrible as they are talking badly to my son and shouting as well, i am trying to control the situation but they make it worse, I must do like you say about meal time and as i do some cooking i can find ways around it and not have to go there alot, i feel horrible when a older person is telling or giving a kid the wrong idea? how do u tell a kid that you parent is punishing you? and that too for taking them to the Gurudwara? This Gurudwara in Slough is excellent they do the kirtan in English and many many times they break into Waheguru Jap, it is so beautiful. Many thanks for your reply and advice. Strong Kaur!