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I understand where you're coming from totally as I myself have engaged in so many anti-sikhi acts :/ the result is that I'm battling depression day and night. I also have the worst reputation amongst others and frequently get gossiped about.

All I can say to you is, all the amazing brahm gianni Sikhs started off by being nothing more than we are right now. We have to have basically experienced the lowest of the low in order to reach the highest of the high (exceptions for those blessed gursikhs maharaj sends). Karma shouldn't even be an issue tbh. If we have done wrong it's entirely up to the Akaal Purkh whether he punishes us or not, it solely depends on our efforts to build our relationship with him. That being said, us trying to better ourselves shouldn't be based on the reason of karma or fear, it should be out of love. We need to really feel the remorse of being disconnected from maharaj, and prove to him we realise how wrong we were.

Prove your utmost pyaar through doing nitnem, sacrificing your sleep and waking up at amrtivela for him, meditating on him with soo much concentration and basically anything you would do for a person you love. That is, giving up your own precious time to spend with that loved one. What we forget is that maharaj is the only loved one that will never leave :)

I know you can do this, you have the power of bani to help you. Good luck!