Tigress's profile - activity

Hi there.

I'm sorry to hear about the way you're feeling. Sounds like you're having a tough time with your studies. But hang in there. I know you may feel frustrated hearing this, but you really did try your best. Often we don't get what we want in life, but things happen for a reason and it's good that you're still finding the strength to accept that this is God's plan.

I think that it's difficult sometimes with our parents Indian mentality, we grow up thinking everything in our life is supposed to be a certain way. When really life is so much more flexible than that! Have a think outside the graduate-job box. Is there anything else you want to do or try out? Is your heart really set on doing a law degree? Because if not here's the time to make the most of it. This could be a blessing in disguise, get a couple of jobs figure out what it is you really want to do. If you did want to be a lawyer, maybe try again, there's nothing to lose really. Just don't get caught on this conveyor belt. There's so much more to life than; school, uni, graduate, job, marry, kids, new house, dog, retire... I know it must feel like the end of your universe now but this is just an obstacle you will have to overcome. And one day when you look back you'll understand why everything happened and it will work out so much better.

I was rejected from all my university choices and ended up at a university where there were no Sikhs, and for some reason this made me stronger in my Sikhi and I'm happily walking the path of Sikhi. At the time it felt like the end of my world, but everything works out some way or another.

Please stay strong. I really do hope things get better for you.

Vahegurooo <3

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa! Vaheguru Jee Ki Fateh!

First of all, DO NOT MARRY A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL OR AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL FOR THAT MATTER. They are both young and I cannot believe I am reading this and their parents actually want them to get married, especially since you don't know what you're doing with your life.

I'm gonna give you some straight up no crap advice - sort yourself out. Your job. Your education. Marriage isn't going to fix anything, you do not have to get married yet, or ever. You've just got divorced, your first wife clearly wasn't happy. What makes you think a second marriage is going to work so easily? Sort yourself out, then you can think about marriage and having a family.

"I'll kill 2 birds 1 stone since Indian women are the most submissive women in the world and I'l lose my virginity" That right there is a big problem. Women are not objects. You should not be getting married because it's the thing to do, nor should you do it just to have sex. I would strongly recommend rethinking the way you think about women and sex, in Sikhi lust is harmful and women are completely equal to men. Get this Indian wife stereotype out your head.

You really need to talk to your parents about this. They are so so wrong in their thinking.

How to sort your job and education problems.The only thing I can really say is to do Ardas. Why don't you have some time off and go to the gurdwara and do regular seva and simran. Hopefully you'll find some peace and inspiration. Figure yourself out. Who said you can't take Amrit because you have autism? Immerse yourself in Sikhi. Everything will get better: http://www.sikhnet.com/filmfestival/2011/wake-walk-win/

Vahegurooo <3

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

I was scared, well terrified, of cycling on the roads instead of the pavement, in case a car might run me over. But I did it, at first my heart would be pounding everytime a car drove past me, but now I'm absolutely fine. The thing is, fear goes and courage comes after you've experienced or done something you're quite frightened of, not before you do the scary thing.

Maybe you could just talk to them like they're your pal like:

*Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.

Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.

Me: We cool?

Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.

Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.

Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.

Me: So...can I get out now?

Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.

Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?

Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.*

Something I tumbld across. LOL

Vahegurooo <3

Hmm. I think that you are solely responsible for what happens to you. Good or bad. Vaheguru knows all. But if anything "bad" or "good" were to happen I guess it's our own karma. Though if you really think about it, there is no good or bad.

Vahegurooo <3

I used to be the sort of person who would spend hours planning and saying I would do this/that. But I didn't do anything! Generally speaking, it's about controlling your mind. But that's hard to do. When it comes to school work etc, it's just trying to make it into a habit, and finding some sort of motivation. For example, I would always find the film , "the pursuit of happiness" inspiring and it would make me want to do well! It took me years to learn my nitnem and wake up early. The key to this is sangat. I don't get much sangat, but when I get the chance to go to a Sikhi Camp, I make sure I go and it gives me a boost to carry on with my Sikhi. Sorry I don't have much to share about this.

Vahegurooo <3

akalinihungsingh - sorry but I think you got it all wrong.

No it is not forbidden. But I guess it's important to dress modestly. If you know you are wearing something tight fitted or revealing on purpose to attract attention then it's not good, amritdhari or non amritdhari, what difference does it make? I also think, it's important to note, it's always gonna be different for women and what they get away with wearing. For example, a low cut top, probably not a great idea. But if a man says a woman can't wear skinny jeans, tell him to kindly do one. There's nothing worse that restricting a woman's freedom, just so a man can feel better himself. There are some things which are just extremely silly!

Ang 432 :

Saisai soay sarist jin saajee sabhnaa sahib ayk bhaiaa Sassa: He who created the world, is the One Lord and Master of all.

Wahegurooo<3

You still are whole. The dreams may have stopped, but maybe that's because you were ready to carry on living your life and being whole. The path you were on, you are still on. It's mind over matter. The career you want to go into sounds wonderful, what better way to serve people in this world? And by serving people you will in return, have so much joy. You're not alone. Waheguru is ALWAYS with you. Remember you're here for a reason, whether you know it or not, Waheguru has a plan. Stay strong and keep on the path. It will get better.

Wahegurooo <3

Penji,

What you have described sounds horrible. I'm sorry for what you have been through. I am young and I have not got much wisdom to share. But I just want you to know that I truly hope things get better for you, and hopefully someone will give you better advice than I am going to. I always find that whatever problem I have in life I turn to Waheguru. Sometimes it's practical and easy actions to help solve the problem. Like, tell the truth, share what I have with others. Other times things seem unclear, and I just feel very hurt inside, and weak minded, and emotionally vulnerable. When this happens I feel that the best solution is the remedy for the soul: Naam Simran. It has the most amazing powers that makes everything seem so much clearer and better. Just listening to it, or letting it play during the day or even when you sleep. If you know of any Simran programmes I'd advise you to go, simran with the sangat is always soothing. I have been told reciting Sukhmani Sahib is also helpful.

Sorry I couldn't be of much more use.

Wahegurooo <3

In response to your second post which I am unable to comment upon - all I know is that we must accept God's will. There is so much that happens in this world that cannot be understood, like when someone young passes away for instance. I think Karma may have a role to play also, something that has happened earlier in life or in past lives, coming back to you... One must accept the Guru's hukam and move forward.

Even if you don't cut your nails, they will eventually break as they can only grow so long. Your hair doesn't "break". Of course you brush it, and hairs come out, but allowing your kes to grow is just accepting GuruJi's hukam.

Wahegurooo <3

The question isn't about how to make sex more enjoyable! It's about whether a Sikh should have sex unless it's for procreation. I think it is up to you. There are different opinions on this topic. Have a look at this: http://answers.sikhnet.com/question/24/sikh-views-on-contraception-and-sexuality/

Initially it's upsetting and hurts more than anything else. But if you don't get back up again, you will end up hurting more in the long run. It's a downwards spiral unless you try and stand again. You have to accept whatever has happened and find another way. And sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck, as the Dalai Lama says! It's mind over matter. Things seem so bad, but one day you will look back and realise that what you went through was worth becoming the resilient person you will be. You'll look back and think wow, that seems so insignificant to what I have done with the rest of my life. Remember life isn't supposed to be easy, nothing is handed to you on a plate. You fall down, sometimes you get pushed down, and the only person who can get you back up is yourself. Do an Ardas and ask Waheguru for strength to keep you going through these tough times. But it will get better eventually. Remember Waheguru has a plan for everyone, including you, otherwise you would not be sitting here right now. You have a choice, you can let it eat you up and destroy you, or you can take control of your mind and keep going. Good luck my friend.

Wahegurooo <3

Sounds like you have had a tough time. Getting over a guy isn't easy. Doesn't sound like he's worth the hassle as he cheated on you, but it's obviously hard as you were together a long time and you're emotionally attached.

However, the fact you've been finding some peace in JapJi Sahib means something. It is perfectly fine for you to read banis, and even go to the gurdwara if that's what you want to do. If it is for yourself and makes you feel better I would strongly encourage you to carry on.

It's good that you know what you want to do and you volunteer. It's brilliant that you are picking yourself up and carrying on. Don't stop now! I'm sad to hear you have had suicidal thoughts. Remember God has a plan for you, otherwise you wouldn't be alive right now.

You have no reason to feel rejected. Although getting over a relationship is hard, you have something more beautiful that has come from this experience. You have found Sikhi. Keep doing paath, and do Ardas, it's so powerful. Find peace within!

Wahegurooo <3

Asking if gursikhs believe in asexuality is like asking if gursikhs believe in heterosexuality! Although marriage is important for sikhs, there are some who choose not to be married and that's fine. I think a person can be asexual, but so what? Getting married and not having a sexual relationship if you both choose that seems fine. But you have to understand that both people must want that, otherwise it's unfair for the other person, if they want children etc.

Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa! Waheguru Jee Ki Fateh!

Penji,

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling.

First of all I would like to say that you can translate the Hukamnama on an app you can get on mobile phones called dhur ki bani. If anyone else can point out other translation devices it would be useful?!

Personally I would advise you not to talk to him. At this moment in time, from what you have mentioned about how he stopped talking to you, he is not interested. I know your intentions aren't bad, and you just want to explain yourself. But I think you should leave it for a while. Maybe one say you'll be friends again and you can talk, or it will all be forgotten about. But this guy clearly doesn't know how to handle this kind of thing, and I really think it's best if you just leave it.

Trust me, I have gone through this kind of thing. It's very easy for a young girl to get attached to the idea of someone. Think about it this way, if it's meant to be, it will happen. So you just need to leave it. I'm gonna be honest with you, I wish someone was this honest with me, it would have saved me the heartache. This guy most probably doesn't like you back in the same way. And you can't force someone to like you. I know you really really like him, and you can probably imagine some sort of future. But you have to stop wasting time thinking about him. You will look back on this and think why the hell did I do that?! I did!

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQvungHnuS0 It will answer all your questions.

In terms of getting into Sikhi that is perfectly fine. But please don't change who you are for some person. There are so many resources online about Sikhi, and youtube vids. Get inspired and then aspire to be a Sikh!

I hope you are no longer cutting yourself. It makes me very sad to hear that. You are a beautiful young girl and one day you will meet someone and you'll know it was meant to be. But first love yourself, and rid yourself of this depression.

Wahegurooo <3

WJKK WJKF!

I am a young sikh girl who has wanted to take Amrit for a long time now, many years in fact. I now keep my Rehat, and I have finally taken my last step, wearing my dastar. However, there are a few things stopping me.

• I have a year left at uni and it's in an area where there's no sangat at all.
• I want to travel after uni for at least a year in south asia/south america.

Considering these two things I know it's going to be hard wearing my kirpan and waking up at amrit vela. A part of me thinks wait for a couple of years, I'm closer to taking amrit than I've ever been before, and I absolutely know that I won't go back to the way I was. You see when I travel and I do different activities, I won't possibly be able to keep my kakkar on me at all times. Though that's not what taking amrit is about I guess. However, a part of me thinks that I should just go and give my head. Anything could happen in 2 years and my Guru wouldn't want me to wait. I just know it's gonna be really hard afterwards and I don't know if I'll be able to handle everything. Though a part of me still wants to be able to do everything because taking amrit isn't a prison, it's committing to a way of life that I should adapt to and maintain my discipline...

Also things are generally very difficult at home. My family aren't supportive of me. And they always bring me down when I make a small mistake, like not picking up the dishes straight away for instance, or being grumpy one day. Because I'm not perfect, of course I'm not. They tell me I'm pakhand and make me feel awful. One of my parents has a really awful temper and I can't do anything to win them over. I think maybe I should take amrit after uni, and travelling, and after I move out the house for good. It will be easier.

It's been very hard for me this past year as I have felt so isolated and lonely at uni and home. I think that if I was blessed with Amrit, maybe I would be cured of this depressing feeling from everything going on.

I have less than 2 weeks to decide.

There is a constant battle in my mind.