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I used to have dreams which calmed me. I used to be able to recall them throughout the day. I once had dreams where I would talk with strangers under trees and by streams.

I used to wake up feeling whole, feeling like I wasnt alone and that my path was right.

Those dreams have stopped. I feel alone again. I cry again. I lay in bed at night without sleep and all the worries and 'what if's' and 'if only i had's' come back. Then they are replaced with anger at those who have betrayed me, at those who have done me deep wrongs but are living happy for it.

I know this is wrong. I know these thoughts are depriving me of my path.

Where did my dreams go? Where did the feeling of being whole go?

How can I return to that path? How can I stop these tears and thoughts?

I try to serve others, I volunteer, I am seeking career in the social services field. But I feel anxious, my heart flutters painfully.

Help me please. Guide me please. I dont want to be here anymore.