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I don't know where to start from..but i'll try

I am a amritsar Sikh, and I have this strong feeling to love god.. Like really love him dearly. I don't do regular paath. But somehow I always feel connected to him. Sometimes I feel is it for real or is it that I just love myself that I can't get over it.

I am 35 and single, not been in much relationships, the few I had didn't work out..but my parents insists on me being married now so they continously looking for arranged marriage. I have developed a bond for a Christian office girl who lives in another country and we talk everyday. We even met at a foreign location and stayed together. Our relationship is really close and I am not hiding anything from her. We didn't had sex but we did make out....I do regret it a bit...but when I think of being loved and loving someone dearly..I feel it was a beautiful mistake..if it is a mistake..it was not out of lust...does that mean I am not an amritdhari now? Even though I like her we both know the situation is such that we will never be together because of cultural and religious.. but such was the feeling of being loved that we could not resist meeting...And it have left more feeling for being loved...I am very weak socially and it leaves me a big impact on thinking what others think of me.. On the other hand I have the pressure to be married so talks for arranged marriage are on. I really don't know or understand what life is...Sometimes I feel if I love god why I could not find someone to love and marry.... Sometimes I feel I really love him and he will always take priority so I don't know if I will love any other person... And sometimes I feel if I really loved him..And sometimes I feel like loving everyone..to pour my heart out..

I think I don't really understand life..Sometimes I feel isn't loving god enough... I am sorry if I said anything wrong..

I don't know where to start from..but i'll try

I am a amritsar Sikh, and I have this strong feeling to love god.. Like really love him dearly. I don't do regular paath. But somehow I always feel connected to him. Sometimes I feel is it for real or is it that I just love myself that I can't get over it.

I am 35 and single, not been in much relationships, the few I had didn't work out..but my parents insists on me being married now so they continously looking for arranged marriage. I have developed a bond for a Christian office girl who lives in another country and we talk everyday. We even met at a foreign location and stayed together. Our relationship is really close and I am not hiding anything from her. We didn't had sex but we did make out....I do regret it a bit...but when I think of being loved and loving someone dearly..I feel it was a beautiful mistake..if it is a mistake..it was not out of lust...does that mean I am not an amritdhari now? Even though I like her we both know the situation is such that we will never be together because of cultural and religious.. but such was the feeling of being loved that we could not resist meeting...And it have left more feeling for being loved...I am very weak socially and it leaves me a big impact on thinking what others think of me.. On the other hand I have the pressure to be married so talks for arranged marriage are on. I really don't know or understand what life is...Sometimes I feel if I love god why I could not find someone to love and marry.... Sometimes I feel I really love him and he will always take priority so I don't know if I will love any other person... And sometimes I feel if I really loved him..And sometimes I feel like loving everyone..to pour my heart out..

I think I don't really understand life..Sometimes I feel isn't loving god enough... enough. I am sorry if I said anything wrong..wrong.