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My older sister is controlling, & critical. It’s taken me far too long to realize the damage she has done to my emotional state over the years. She thinks she has a right to control every aspect of my life and she thinks she’s always right about matters in my life that she doesn’t even understand. Talking to her about her behavior is not helpful- she doesn’t listen, doesn’t care about the effects of her behavior, and is not willing to change. So I know nothing is going to change on her end. On my side, my mental health is suffering. I’m minimizing the time spent with her. I’m understanding of the fact that she is doing what she thinks is right, and based on her belief systems and how she interpreted the world growing up. I also know that God is our real family.

Here’s the thing I’m confused. I have put up with her behavior for a really long time, and just let her comments do their damage. They really hurt. Then I get angry and sometimes I snap back. Knowing I feel bad about being angry, she guilt trips me. Quite frankly, making a simple request at my house is a big deal. Simply saying this is what I’m doing today or this is what I need becomes a big deal if it’s not to her liking. She’ll cry, emotionally distance herself, snap back, or do whatever to gain control. She knows me well so she knows exactly what is necessary to get me to do what she wants. Whenever I stand up for myself I feel really bad about it. I don’t understand what to do. If I do nothing, at least I’m not angry back, but then the anger is just pushed inside. The fact that I’m angry at all is an issue for me. I don’t want to feel like that. I feel bad about it for a long time afterwards. Her words really hurt. I’m a sensitive person because I grew up in a really critical environment. I’m trying to build my confidence but she’s discouraging me from all things that are helping me build up myself (for example she is critical of simran, me going to the gurdwara more, etc.). Simply convincing myself I have a right to make my own decisions without her input is hard for me. I have done it, but I’m always scared of what she is going to say and she simply always does have something negative to say about my choices. How do I deal with my emotional reaction to her behavior? I’m trying to increase my simran so that eventually I’m at a stage where her opinions and behaviors make no difference and I won’t be angry. What can I do in the meantime?

My older sister is controlling, & critical. It’s taken me far too long to realize the damage she has done to my emotional state over the years. She thinks she has a right to control every aspect of my life and she thinks she’s always right about matters in my life that she doesn’t even understand. Talking to her about her behavior is not helpful- she doesn’t listen, doesn’t care about the effects of her behavior, and is not willing to change. So I know nothing is going to change on her end. On my side, my mental health is suffering. I’m minimizing the time spent with her. I’m understanding of the fact that she is doing what she thinks is right, and based on her belief systems and how she interpreted the world growing up. I also know that God is our real family.

Here’s the thing I’m confused. I have put up with her behavior for a really long time, and just let her comments do their damage. They really hurt. Then I get angry and sometimes I snap back. Knowing I feel bad about being angry, she guilt trips me. Quite frankly, making a simple request at my house is a big deal. Simply saying this is what I’m doing today or this is what I need becomes a big deal if it’s not to her liking. She’ll cry, emotionally distance herself, snap back, or do whatever to gain control. She knows me well so she knows exactly what is necessary to get me to do what she wants. Whenever I stand up for myself I feel really bad about it. I don’t understand what to do. If I do nothing, at least I’m not angry back, but then the anger is just pushed inside. The fact that I’m angry at all is an issue for me. I don’t want to feel like that. I feel bad about it for a long time afterwards. Her words really hurt. I’m a sensitive person because I grew up in a really critical environment. I’m trying to build my confidence but she’s discouraging me from all things that are helping me build up myself (for example she is critical of simran, me going to the gurdwara more, etc.). Simply convincing myself I have a right to make my own decisions without her input is hard for me. I have done it, but I’m always scared of what she is going to say and she simply always does have something negative to say about my choices. How do I deal with my emotional reaction to her behavior? I’m trying to increase my simran so that eventually I’m at a stage where her opinions and behaviors make no difference and I won’t be angry. What can I do in the meantime?

My older sister is controlling, & critical. She thinks she has a right to control every aspect of my life and she thinks she’s always right about matters in my life that she doesn’t even understand. Talking to her about her behavior is not helpful- she doesn’t listen, doesn’t care about the effects of her behavior, and is not willing to change. So I know nothing is going to change on her end. On my side, my mental health is suffering. I’m minimizing the time spent with her. I’m understanding of the fact that she is doing what she thinks is right, and based on her belief systems and how she interpreted the world growing up. I also know that God is our real family.

Here’s the thing I’m confused. I have put up with her behavior for a really long time, and just let her comments do their damage. They really hurt. Then I get angry and sometimes I snap back. Knowing I feel bad about being angry, she guilt trips me. She’ll cry, emotionally distance herself, snap back, or do whatever to gain control. She knows me well so she knows exactly what is necessary to get me to do what she wants. Whenever I stand up for myself I feel really bad about it. I don’t understand what to do. If I do nothing, at least I’m not angry back, but then the anger is just pushed inside. The fact that I’m angry at all is an issue for me. I don’t want to feel like that. I feel bad about it for a long time afterwards. I’m trying to build my confidence but she’s discouraging me from all things that are helping me build up myself (for example she is critical of simran, me going to the gurdwara more, etc.). Simply convincing myself I have a right to make my own decisions without her input is hard for me. I have done it, but I’m always scared of what she is going to say and she simply always does have something negative to say about my choices. How do I deal with my emotional reaction to her behavior? I’m trying to increase my simran so that eventually I’m at a stage where her opinions and behaviors make no difference and I won’t be angry. What can I do in the meantime?