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Why not marry Sikh men?

asked 2017-04-17 02:39:50 -0500

Lavender_Singh gravatar image

updated 2017-04-20 03:23:35 -0500

Why do most of the Sikh females who are financially independent, be of any profession and those in particular who live in a different city away from their Parents, not in Joint families, prefer to marry non-Sikh men?

What stops most of the Singhnis or Sardarnis from marrying Sikh men? Few cases can be called exceptional ones but when you see too many such cases then that is certainly alarming?

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I changed the topic of the question from "what's wrong with singhnis" to "why not marry Sikh men?"

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2017-04-18 12:21:28 -0500 )edit

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answered 2017-04-17 20:56:54 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

Good question but I don’t really like the wording “what’s wrong with singhnis”- people have a right to choose whoever they want to marry, we really shouldn’t say there is something wrong with these Singhnis. I do know a lot of guys my age who are Sikh and choosing to marry non-Sikh girls so it goes both ways. I DO think that the question you are asking is a valid one though and I can hear your frustration in not being able to find a professional female because they all seem to want to marry someone that’s non-Sikh. Part of it is a matter of what you as an individual value- I’m a professional female but I know that I want a partner that’s Sikh because Sikhi is core to who I am and I need to know that this is a person that is a life partner and we can further in our Sikhi and learn together, its important to me that when we get married in front of the Guru Granth Sahib that we both understand the meaning of the laavan and that we have a goal of meeting God in this lifetime. If we do not have the same view on life and the same idea of the purpose of our life, how do I spend my life with this person. But I know that this isn’t the same for everyone. Another issue becomes simply who we meet. It can be hard to meet Sikh guys when you are a professional female living in the city. I know in my town, I meet way more non-Sikh guys than I do Sikh guys. Another issue for professional women is this: She wants someone who understands what she went through to get to where she is at. All the hard work that goes into being a financially independent female, especially if you are visible minority, and living away from your family. You want someone who gets it and worked hard like you did. Personally, I have nothing against marrying someone with less education than me, but it would be nice for him to get my struggle and what it took for me to get here. I think another issue is just that a lot of Sikh guys do value living with their families. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that per se. But in some extended families it really does not work well for the daughter in law. She’s not treated fairly and no one wants that life for themselves. So there’s a fear of having to give up your whole life and independence to adjust to living with his family. Not all guys will expect that, and equally I think not all joint families are awful, some work well but maybe that’s another thought. But if you marry a non-Sikh guy the whole issue is avoided. There’s also the perception that a lot ... (more)

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You raised the point, that even lot of Sikh guys prefer to marry non-Sikh girls. See, if a Sikh guy marries a non-Sikh girl still he will remain a Sikh, obviously he and the non-Sikh bride will follow the Sikh traditions but if a Sikh girl marries a non-Sikh guy then once she steps into the....

Lavender_Singh gravatar imageLavender_Singh ( 2017-04-18 03:05:11 -0500 )edit

non-Sikh household she has to follow the non-Sikh traditions of her non-Sikh husband and even her children would be non-Sikhs. That is how our family traditions, values and culture is all about. I haven't heard of even a single case when a Sikh girl got married to non-Sikh but her........

Lavender_Singh gravatar imageLavender_Singh ( 2017-04-18 03:11:48 -0500 )edit

children born were raised as Sikhs. Non-Sikh husband won't allow this. Another point you raised that in extended families daughter-in-laws are not treated well, yes but that's truth about majority of the families from South Asia, Middle East and Sub-Saharan Africa that includes Muslims,Hindus,Sikhs.

Lavender_Singh gravatar imageLavender_Singh ( 2017-04-18 03:21:45 -0500 )edit

Do you have a story that you want to share Lavender Singh?

Cloud gravatar imageCloud ( 2017-04-19 11:17:25 -0500 )edit

Cloud......i don't want to create any controversy.

Lavender_Singh gravatar imageLavender_Singh ( 2017-04-20 03:03:50 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2017-04-17 02:39:50 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 20