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bhai sahib ji,first i matha tekh to you gurkhalsaji. ok, it seems that the way that you are running your rehat is like a list rather then you. am i right? the gueu has given us a form a way of life that we have to adopt to shed the habbots of the prvious thus we are born again without a head. you have consumed your rehat in an almost ritualistic pattern and i sence you feel bored or not alive. for forty days i suggest you say the name of god with every morsel of breath apart from when doing bani.and your mind will ajust.
but if i have scensed wrong then you have a sence of longing within your heart to be somewhere far away with the guru rather then stuck in the negative circle of social life.when i feel like this it seems that i am missing bir rass so i go staright to chandi di vaar to awaken the soul and scare away miya.
you want to feel satisfied. let me give you a hukhnama from Dasam sri guru Granth sahib ji.
from ang 30 ਭੁਜੰਗ ਪ੍ਰਯਾਤ ਛੰਦ ॥
BHUJANG PRAYAAT STANZA
ਨਮੋ ਸੂਰਜ ਸੁਰਜੇ ਨਮੋ ਚੰਦ੍ਰ ਚੰਦ੍ਰੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Sun of suns! Salutation to Thee O Moon of moons!
ਨਮੋ ਰਾਜ ਰਾਜੇ ਨਮੋ ਇੰਦ੍ਰ ਇੰਦ੍ਰੇ॥
Salutation to Thee O King of kings! Salutation to thee O Indra of Indras!
ਨਮੋ ਅੰਧਕਾਰੇ ਨਮੋ ਤੇਜ ਤੇਜੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Creator of pitch darkness! Salutation to Thee O Light of lights.!
ਨਮੋ ਬ੍ਰਿੰਦ ਬ੍ਰਿੰਦੇ ਨਮੋ ਬੀਜ ਬੀਜੇ ॥੧੮੫॥
Salutation to Thee O Greatest of the great (multitudes) Salutation to Three O Subtlest of the subtle ! 185
ਨਮੋ ਰਾਜਸੰ ਤਾਮਸੰ ਸਾਂਤਿ ਰੂਪੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O embodiment of peace! Salutation to Thee O Entity bearing three modes!
ਨਮੋ ਪਰਮ ਤੱਤੰ ਅਤਤੰ ਸਰੂਪੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Supreme Essence and Elementless Entity!
ਨਮੋ ਜੋਗ ਜੋਗੇ ਨਮੋ ਗਿਆਨ ਗਿਆਨੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Fountain of all Yogas! Salutation to Thee O Fountain of all knowledge!
ਨਮੋ ਮੰਤ੍ਰ ਮੰਤ੍ਰੇ ਨਮੋ ਧਿਆਨ ਧਿਆਨੇ ॥੧੮੬॥
Salutation to Thee O Supreme Mantra! Salutation to Thee O highest meditation 186.
ਨਮੋ ਜੁਧ ਜੁਧੇ ਨਮੋ ਗਿਆਨ ਗਿਆਨੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Conqueror of wars! Salutation to Thee O Fountain of all knowledge!
ਨਮੋ ਭੋਜ ਭੋਜੇ ਨਮੋ ਪਾਨ ਪਾਨੇ ॥
Salutation to Thee O Essence of Food ! Salutation to Thee O Essence of Warter !
we recite this every day. do you remember from where? what do you think guru ji is telling you