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Dear mkaur, It sounds very isolating, and somewhat heartbreaking even. I’m sure Guruka Singh will answer. I just wanted to provide a few words as well.

Why do you feel this change has come about in the family? Do your parents have other things going on right now that might be taking their attention. Sometimes it seems like the situation is about us but it’s actually that they might have something else going on right now that’s really bothering them, and they are preoccupied with it. Or maybe things have just changed- it’s kind of a natural course for there to be some changes in the family as we grow. Sometimes it takes time to adjust to a new happy medium. I think a lot of times these are temporary- it sounds like things were going quite well for your family in the past. I can speak for my own situation and say that I’ve gone through some changes with my family over time, and I was surprised the first time there was a strain in my relationship with my parents because I love them dearly and I felt they weren’t understanding me. I felt lonely, just like you, and somewhat disappointed. I had never expected there to be difficulty like that in my family. I thought it would last forever and that our family was being split in different directions, me on one side and them on another- that we would walk different paths forever. It broke my heart. I think there were a lot of changes for all of us, and it took a lot of time for all of us to adjust. It didn’t last forever! It was temporary. Now it feels nice that we all feel like one unit again.

Remember always that your parents love you. I would suggest that perhaps they just don’t understand how to give you what you need right now in your life. Different people have different abilities and skills and different ways of understanding. When I was growing up I didn’t realize this was true for family too. My parents were always the people who made me magically feel better no matter what the situation. Now I realized there are limits, because people understand situations differently.

Perhaps your parents aren’t understanding your feelings right now, or maybe your situation. It’s not that they don’t care, but that they can’t give you what you need despite your conversations. I’m glad you took the step of talking to them about it, but sometimes even with conversations, people don’t change. Or it may take time. Have you specifically talked to them about how lonely you feel? How you feel you aren’t a priority in their lives?

We are together in families, because God put us together from our past life forms and associations then. We come from different paths, and different life forms- some of us plants, some from underwater, some birds in the sky. Then we get this life form together because we are meant to help each other reach God in this life. We all carry some habits/baggage from our old lives. We need to help each other rise up. Our anger and not getting along comes from differences in our thinking. We don’t get along because one person’s thinking is different from another, but if we build our relationship with God, all of our thinking becomes from a place of love, compassion, and understanding. One person can make a huge difference to the whole family. I think it’s a good time for you to make space for yourself, for your relationship with God. Build that connection, and the loneliness will lessen. Do you have friends or cousins or siblings that you can talk to? It helps sometimes if we have other people who DO understand your feelings. That might help in the meantime as well. Do Ardas and God will help you through this.

Although you may feel alone, and I have many times, we aren’t alone. You have your Sikh brothers and sisters all over the world. You have God. You have Guru Ji for guidance. You have your parents as well, even though it may take some time for you to get on the same page again. it’s easier to accept if you think, okay we aren’t seeing eye to eye right now, but maybe the situation may change in time because families are dynamic. When I haven’t liked our direction as a family, I’ve realized that the only person I can change is myself and I worked on myself and my patience and understanding and love for everyone grew, and as a result, the dynamic changed.

Best of luck Bhanji, you will get through this.