Hopelesslyhopefull's profile - activity

I have suicidal thoughts every now and then and they are getting more and more severe. If i cant commit suicide my mind goes to self harm. Is there a way to online chat with someone whos sikh, orher helplines or online chat just arent working

Yes but how do you let go of the fear of your community and the people that are there to gossip about you won’t ultimately come forth and ruin your future because of the past mistakes? I’m afraid that my past isn’t my reality but others will take advantage to ruin me

Its hard to let go of the past, past mistakes I made just over a year ago and mistakes Ive made throughout my whole life. But its not me who is even concerned with it its people around me and those that keep me fresh in my past mistakes.

My question is how do you overcome your past? Ive asked for forgiveness and I believe I am forgiven I have grown a lot since my first post here on Sikhnet and I trust God to show me the good path forward and keep me strong.

The associations of my past, the relvancy of how I might have been and my thought process of why I did what I did no longer exists in my brain but how do you tell others? How do you convience others that past shouldnt be carried into the present or future? How can I show that I am not the person I was and infact I have no idea who the person I was when I commited the mistakes. I believe I just was a lost soul with wrong guidance, no faith, surrounded by fakes, how could I have thrived when I had no faith in myself?

Or do I simply ignore and not allow it to continue to consume me as I have nothing to say as the past me because I am not and never was that person.

My brother for many years has had his ups and downs with us at home. Always had a rocky relationship with our father and now it has gotten worse. Hes getting older and taking no responsibility. I have been the older sibling to him and the son of my family for years but I have a future I need to live for myself and I cant allow myself to stay put in this family. As a girl I have felt the anger towards the leniency my brother gets from my parents while I never have. But I also understand that I dont get treated the same because my parents see that I am strong and dont need to be treated like a baby.

I love my brother and always want the best for him but I just want him to take the role of being olderand the only son seriously now. Hes 28, Im starting to pray for him but is there any special ways I can help more? Take him to the Gurdwara or any paths I can do?

He doesnt talk to me in person, we just text he doesnt talk to my dad, just with my mom. But I want to help bring him back to the way he was before. I want him to find God wihin himself he seems depressed and alone and hurt and its always hurt me inside to see him like that.

Is God going to bring him back if I pray but he doesnt? Does God listen to me for him and offer him help?

If black magic is done on you. How can you help from always feeling the separation from God? I cry as well from having been so blind and lost out in the world without God. I cry now longing for days I missed without being with God.

I believe that my sins are the reason my family is falling apart. It started with my brother and then my father and now my mom comes to me and begs me to leave this house. She doesnt like my dad because he has become physical towards my brother and her because they dont listen. I understand everyone's views. I spoke with my mom to show her that no one in this house is bad we are all just falling apart because we are without God. The days they fight my mom doesnt do paath or put it on in the morning and evenings like she does every other day. I told her she needs to keep her routine, keep God close she has a special connection with God and I tell her we are going through this tough part only to receive good and all this dukh we feel now God will make sure it will eventually be days we dont even remember.

I am trying to be my outmost positive self with God in my heart and mind at all times but I get sad and depressed that I have caused such a suffering household for everyone. My brother is on the verge of being kicked out and my mom is on the verge of leaving the house herself. My dad will believe God but gets into such a negative space that he doesnt see any good in anyone, not even God.

I want to fix everyone and not blame myself but I cant change that until they get better. How else can I help them? Am I doing enough for them to get through this? Is everything going to be ok in the end? Or do I need to stop being selfish in keeping everyone together for me and maybe everyones better off being alone and living their own lives if eachother brings us pain?

Is it wrong to pray while your intoxicated in anyway? Even if its in your mind that it is your medicine in a way to deal with daily life? I have always been afraid to go to the doctors and get recommended a therapist/psychologist because my parents wouldnt understand what depression actually means and I know that I need the extra help.

I simply use medicinal marijuana(not my prescription) but i cant get one because of my family and work but im not addicted, i use it once a day for my depression and bodypains(back,legs,feet)

And i know God knows what im doing so is it wrong to pray? Should i stop?

If i chose to erase my past as much as possible (since I have a bad rep now for commiting kam) would God see me as running away from my consequences for my sins?

Will God want me to change my name, house everything about me from the past in order to be good now? I pray that God protects my honour, the honour of my family, to end the suffering of my Brother and Father to end my Mothers endless crying and to erase my past. Everything wrong in my family is due to my actions that lead God to leave my house because I brought in a Muslim boy.

Is this a good decision and path to chose? Will my parents accept that I need to change my name in order to protect their rep? Can the past be erased with the ever flowing pen?