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2013-04-11 05:23:00 -0500 received badge  Supporter (source)
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2013-04-11 04:57:25 -0500 answered a question Social anxiety inner torture

The only thing I believe in, is what was said in the last comment. That is how I feel now in regards to Sikhism. I know exactly how you feel because I am exactly the same. I have suffered the same things you have suffered and I have to say I was surprised by your words, it was exactly how I felt about my self, even the whole story on your cousin getting married. I know how you feel, its like you are the only one. I say the same thing about my self when I see people around me able to "LIVE" so naturally. To me, its as if God has blessed them with those virtues (and I am happy for that) but he just overlooked me. I keep asking myself why am I like this? I feel angry that I am made this way, I feel as if this is punishment for something I did in my last life, because this life I have right now is so bad. My friends go to parties, interact with people, make new friends, and are outspoken and easy to talk to. I don't have these qualities, if hukam says God is the great giver, what has he given to me? The only friends I made were through playing sports at school, those same friends were able to make the circle bigger, and I got introduced to more "friends". Alone, I can't make friends. I've tried so many times that I have given up.

I used to think marijuana could help cure anxiety, it sort of did, but it would not improve my cognitive intelligence on interacting socially. The only thing that I have noticed is that confidence, and happiness can help you with your problems. But these things are so hard to come by when your in such a dark pit as you and I are. I don't do drugs no more, I don't drink either, I do this because I want to avoid social interaction. Funny how Gurbani says you shouldn't do these things. My advice is that you should do certain activities that you like, do you like to go to the gym, for me my existence depends on working out. I love watching and playing soccer. Although I don't play for a team, I consider my self a skillful player, and I play recreational with my family and friends.

The point to my entire rant is that I too had suicidal thoughts, I would cry and sleep in misery. Suicide wasn't the answer for me because I knew it would just kill my parents and siblings. I used to pray every day, get up 4 in the morning and do all of the Jap Ji sahib which I had fully memorized. I would read the english translations in my head as I chanted the pauri's, making sure I knew what it was that I was praying. For some reason ... (more)