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2017-12-30 03:03:44 -0600 asked a question Leaving Amrit?

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I am currently 16 turning 17(girl) and I’ve been an amritdhari for almost 5-6 years and I just don’t feel as connected to god as I once was. Being as I was young, I now know I didn’t know the repercussions of it nor did I fully understand. I honestly feel stressed out, not in a sense that I hate god or am a atheist, but if my heart is not fully involved, then what is the point of keeping it for namesake. I denounced my amrit a day ago and now I’m just feeling constantly anxious and nervous because I feel like a lot of people were putting pressure on me that I would push through all the bullying etc but I just couldn’t and I feel like I’m just a disappointment in their eyes. I’ve been also dealing with depression and I don’t know if it was because of me repressing my feelings and was carrying on. The feeling is quite numb and I just want to cry. I know I did what I wanted to do but I’m just disappointed in my self. Anyone have any advice or have been through something similar? Could really help