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2016-11-19 05:53:41 -0500 answered a question How do I stand up for myself without feeling bad?

As i was reading this post and responses, the one thing that kept going through my mind is why is sibling abuse never addressed? I'm a clinical psychotherapist and trust me, we learn about partner abuse, abuse from parents and so forth. However, there is hardly any literature or research on the topic, or support networks for victims of sibling abuse.

Having said that, I can relate to what you are experiencing to some extent. My situation is a little more complex as I have a daughter aged 8, and my sister often makes me feel like I am a bad mother. I have also been copping emotional and verbal abuse from my sister that has left me both physically and mentally drained.

However what Singh2000 said in his comment was pretty spot on. I noticed that within the relationship between me and my sister, she appears a lot more stronger, dominant and powerful, as she is better at presenting herself and has better control of her emotions.

Now my sister is actually a wonderful person, we are both amritdhari and she has a lot of love for Guru Maharaj. Which my whole family can see. Me, on the other hand, I don't openly show my love for Guru and also am not very strong emotionally, to be frank my emotions are my biggest weakness. I know I have good leadership skills, but I do not fully embrace those skills, as my own lack of self-esteem and unstable emotions create obstacles for me.

I'm also the kind of person whose self-esteem depends on the opinions of the people I love. If my close family and friends mistreat me, then I often will have lower self-esteem. If they treat me with respect and love, I will naturally feel better about myself. This has been creating all kinds of problems in my life.

What I have learnt through all of this, is that this current challenge that I am going through with my sister, is there to help shape my own character. It will enable me to learn to love and forgive people who hurt me. You can learn to tolerate abuse and find peace through Bani instead. And more importantly, the pain we experience when we go through experiences like these, helps us understand other peoples suffering more. We become more compassionate and merciful to those who are truly suffering. Guru Maharaj will use us to be of support and healing to people, because we will have a better understanding of the human condition because of what we have experienced ourselves.

My advice to you would be to have a goal, or many goals, try and follow all of the steps outlined by Singh2000, and also get yourself involved in some kind of a project that you are passionate about. Immerse yourself into your work, in fact try and see the work/projects that you do as a seva given to you by our father Guru Gobind Singh ... (more)

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2016-11-17 18:47:57 -0500 answered a question Waheguru Ji, Why do I see all the good people suffering and the bad ones enjoying their lives?

When I read your post, I thought of the Sakhi about the Gursikh who injured his foot and his friend (who was doing bad deeds) found a gold coin.

You can read the Sakhi on the link below:

As mentioned in the comments above, everything we go through in life is a direct result of our own good or bad karma.

But Guru Maharaj reminds us that our past is not important, what matters most is what we are doing today and where we are heading in the future.

We are so fortunate to have Guru Maharaj's guidance and Bani. Bani is so powerful it literally burns our sins and bad deeds.

Some quotes from Baba Nand Singh Ji Kaleran and Baba Narinder Singh Ji Kaleran on suffering also explain the importance and blessings behind suffering as well as divine love (prema bhakti) below;

Hope this answers your questions, and again remember do not be afraid of pain, even our Guru Sahibs went through a lot of hard times, they set an important example for all of their Sikhs, that no matter what happens, we musn't turn our back on Guru Sahib and continue to love, have faith and be in chardi kala, even during the hard times.

Take care,

Fateh Ji

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2016-11-17 07:15:17 -0500 answered a question BAD REPUTATION :(

Hi Penji,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and hope you are doing ok? I can relate somewhat to what you are going through and just want you to know that you are not alone.

Yes it can be very painful and often we start to treat ourselves with the same harshness that we experience from others. But try and stay strong and one thing I have learned from Guru Sahib is that a Sikh must never ever hurt another Sikh, not matter what, and slander (ninda) is worse than committing murder, so although these people call themselves Sikh, their actions are not representative of what Guru Gobind Singhs Sikh is.

When we join Gurujis army, we are often tested in many ways, try and see ourselves as a car being built, Guru Maharaj is the one who builds us, getting us ready for the seva he wants us to carry out. However, before he assigns us to certain tasks, he needs to build us in a way where we would be able to carry out the specific seva that he has designed for us, so we need to be high functioning. Now before he releases us, he would need to test each part in order to see if it is functioning correctly. If he notices there is some problems with the vehicle (us), he will know that it needs further repair or fine tuning. These tests are not created to hurt us, but to refine us. In Sikhi we are first tested, then we learn the lesson. When we make a mistake, try and see it that we've failed a particular test and ask Guru Maharaj to repair whatever had malfunctioned within us. Then leave it to him and just trust him. Our focus needs to be on Bani, Seva and Simran. The people who are gossiping, are also being tested, one of the greatest test for a Sikh is when we are shown a persons weaknesses. When this happens, Guru observes his Sikh very carefully, he will check to see if they have learned anything. Because we read baani, however how much of it gets absorbed? Thats what Guru Checks. If the Sikh, upon learning of a person's mistakes or wrongdoings, becomes judgmental and has thoughts or acts in a way to harm or punish the person, then know they have failed that particular test quite miserably. We have seen time and again, that a Sikh must follow the principle of "dekh ke andit kita" buT unfortunately, desis are not very good at this. So try and see your situation as a big test for you and those around you. Be careful not to judge those who are gossiping and slandering, instead do a small prayer that Guruji guides them. Now for you, a pangti that has been going through my mind is the following one, which you can sing, it will give you a lot of peace and strengthen your ... (more)