pawan's profile - activity

Just do it! The people in your life that look down on you will repent for their actions at some point in time. Follow your heart and do what you think is right, you're an adult now, so your family or anyone else doesn't have the right to stop you from getting closer to the Guru. You may be the "lone wolf" for a while, but I'm sure that in your travels you will meet some very inspiring Gursikhs that will boost your spiritual energy. You are not a pakandi if your love for Waheguru is true. Be bold, don't be afraid to chose what you want in life. You may not get this opportunity again, so do it while you can!

Personally, if this had happened to me, my mom would have murdered me right there and then if she were to find out about something like this. I agree that you shouldn't abandon your ex and your unborn child. It would be best if you decided to marry this women, so that you can both properly raise the child. Although, if the conflicts in the relationship can't be fixed, I think you should still support your ex and help her through this process. I can't tell you what to do, but I think you should tell your mom yourself. It's better you tell her first rather than someone else telling her. The Indian community is very shrewd and narrow-minded, and I'm sure no auntie would pass up the opportunity to gossip about you and your family. Sure, your mom will be upset with this news, but part of growing up and accepting your mistakes is admitting them. As a believer in God, I'm sure you know the right thing to do. Just tell the truth, it's what Guru Sahib Ji would expect of you too. Good luck, this is a really difficult situation to be in.

Very true. A Sikh is a Sikh no matter what.

I had the same thoughts, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong.

I was wondering if an "Indian" Sikh is allowed to marry a "white, black, brown, or any other race" of Sikh if they both share the same values and the same Sikhi way of life? (Both Amritdharis). I asked my mom this question, and she said it was more preferable to marry someone from the same race. Although, I want to know if marrying someone of another race is against Sikhism. Are differences in skin color really that big of a deal?

No problem. :) I was just trying to advise you with what little knowledge I have on this topic.

Compromising with the world will only hurt you. Learn to compromise with the Guru, and you'll never regret anything you do in the future.

Well, I applaud you for keeping your saroop in a family that caught got up in worldly problems. Jobs, bullying, and marriage are used as an excuse to blend in with modern society. As far as looks are concerned, you will still be labeled as the "Indian," even with cut hair.

What made them give up on Sikhi? Did your family members give it up for the same reasons as you? Lastly, what made you hold onto it for so long if everybody else gave up on Sikhi long ago?

If I have children in the future, I will be sure to discuss the topic of sex with them. I just find it ridiculous that we can't talk to our parents about things like this. Part of the reason why Sikhs have pre marital relationships is because no one has the guts to tell them what it really means.

Try to remember the moment in life when you decided to keep your hair. What made you do it? You must have thought about the consequences of keeping long hair even before you did it. What attracted you to Sikhi in the first place? Search your soul for answers, you know what is best for yourself.

Thanks for the input. I totally agree.

I've noticed that a lot of questions posted on this Q&A page deal with sex. Why do Sikhs have so many questions regarding this issue? Can't we just be open about it with our own parents? I mean it's their responsibility to explain this stuff to us, no matter how awkward it may get. Anybody agree with me? If you disagree, please explain why.

The fact that you even mentioned your problem to the sangat on Sikhnet proves that you are doubting yourself about "giving up your saroop." Why did you post such a long question if you were going to go through with your decision anyways?

Guru Gobind SIngh Ji asked for our heads and nothing less when He first established the Khalsa Panth in 1699. Giving your head also means sacrificing your mind, body, and soul. Taking Amrit is giving yourself up to the Guru and becoming His true disciple. Since most people are not willing to let go of their worldly pleasures and doubts, they do not take Amrit. It is one thing to adopt some Sikhi practices into your life, like doing Jap Ji Sahib paat every morning, but it is another to fully accept the Guru. If you want 100% of the Guru in your life, please take Amrit. There is no point in accepting half of things Guru Ji tells us to do. Like reading bani and eating meat. There are no double standards or special exceptions for anybody. Receiving Amrit is like saying Guru Ji, "Toon toon karta toon hooa, mujh mai rahaa naa hoon." In other words, according to Bhagat Kabir Ji, by constantly repeating the Name of God, I have become You and You have become me, ego has vanished from my being. Hopefully, you too will make the decision to marry yourself to the Guru as His soul-bride.

I don't believe you are a defeated person. Maybe with Guru Ji's kirpa He will bring you back into His arms. Never lose hope. Always remain in chardi kalaa.

It's pretty awesome that you're seeing the beauty of Waheguru through your spiritual journey, but I just have one warning for you. It is easy to become proud and full of "ahankaar" when you begin to possess such spiritual powers. Keep praying to the Guru that He will let you remain as His humble and faithful servant. Also, don't show these powers to other people, it is something even the Gurus told their own children not to do. One example is when the child Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji and his older brother Baba Attal Rai were playing hide and seek with their friend Mohan. When they were playing, they soon discovered that Mohan had been bitten by a poisonous snake. He lie before them, dead, and his parents began to weep. Baba Attal Rai touched Mohan with a stick and Mohan came back to life. Their father Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji was very displeased with His son for showing these miraculous powers. Baba Attal Rai felt bad for offending his father and Guru, so he sat in a trance of Smaadhi and left this world. There is a gurudwara in India that is dedicated to the memory of Baba Attal Rai. The moral of this saakhi is that you must always remain a humble Sikh, never try to play the role of God , even if you may gain the powers to do so. Best of luck to you my brother!

Committing suicide is definitely a selfish act that people commit when they have forgotten about the God that dwells within their heart. A person's bad karma also plays a role in leading them to a forced death. People who commit suicide don't usually think about the negative affect it will have on their families. I had a great aunt in India that locked herself up in a room and lit herself on fire. By the time my other relatives heard her screaming in pain, it was too late to save her life. Her entire family suffered for this selfish act. I mean, she will have to be reborn in another life, and she will have to face other difficulties later on in that new life. From that point on, I realized that suicide was pointless, because suffering and pain is just a part of life, something that nobody can deny.

NO! I don't think any world religion allows sex before marriage. If your husband is demanding such things from you, it's an indication that you should find another man to spend your life with.

I didn't mean to sound harsh in my answer. I hope I didn't offend anybody.

You're absolutely correct Bhai Sahib. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't feel odd at my school. Even though I felt odd and different from the rest, I did not let my differences affect my relationship with the Guru. I had a few friends, but most of everyone else ignored me. There were also people that gossiped behind my back about how I was probably related to terrorists and how ugly or "manly" I looked since I didn't remove my small facial hairs. Although, there were others that showed me respect whenever I did well on a test or got some award. For my Senior speech, I brought my vaaja (harmonium) to class, and I introduced my English class to the poetic verses of Kirtan. The class was amazed at how well I sang, and they even requested me to perform a Shabad. So, I was verbally harassed for some time. I even considered leaving the school, but I didn't. Both Sikh men and women are harassed for wearing their turbans, especially Sikh women, since there so few women that are willing to tie a dastaar. After I took amrit, I did not begin to tie a dastaar right away. For about three years I wore a patka over my bun like some bibiaa do at the gurudwara. During my senior year in high school, I was finally able to muster up the courage to don the crown, my dastaar. I paced myself through my journey as a Sikh. I took things slowly, and veer ji you just need to relax and take your own steps toward Waheguru slowly. The first step to take is to keep your hair. You don't need to make too many commitments with yourself all at once. When you are ready to progress forwards, He will show you the way. May you walk without fear as a brave sant-sipahi. -Sincerely Your Sikh Sister:)

Bhai Sahib,

I know what is is like to be ridiculed by your own family and friends for looking and acting so differently from the rest of the crowd. To be honest, no one will encourage you to follow Sikhi, especially those who do not follow the rehat themselves. I'm sure since you've studied up on Sikhi since you were a website designer. You must have also heard the quote, "Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out." If it's respect that you are asking for from your friends and family, you will not receive as a Sikh. You must remember that your self-respect comes from the Guru, since He is your spiritual guider. There was a time in my life when I too doubted whether I should keep my hair. So, one day I brought home a hair straightner, because I'd been planning to trim the ends of my hair. Luckily, my mom made me return the hair straightner, telling me that this type of fashion was not allowed in Sikhism. I've second doubted myself too. I went to an all-white Christian high school where I was the only turbaned Sikh girl in my class. I wanted to be like them, but deep in my heart I knew I could never be one of them, no matter how hard I tried. That same year, I took amrit and became a Singhini. When I went to school, I got some weird looks from my classmates and some wouldn't even speak me anymore. I don't regret the decision that I've made, and let me tell you, you will regret cutting your hair, even if it is a trimmed beard. You need to be all in for the Guru or all out. You must either decide to keep your hair or cut it, and there are no in betweens. I respect your honesty and your frustrations. I understand where you're coming from. Although I may not know you personally, I will request you veer ji, as your Sikh sister to not take this drastic step in your life just because you're afraid what others may think of you. May Waheguru bless your life and help you Sikhi flourish, so that you can reach out to those family and friends that cut their hair and have girlfriends. Whatever you decide to do, I wish the best for you.

Use some common sense. We are blessed with human life for a reason. Cutting our God given breaths off on purpose is a sin. Sikhs must live in a state of mind where "dukh vich sookh manaee." Through both joy and suffering, we must accept His command in our lives'. Life isn't about having fun, it's about accepting your responsibilities and serving your fellow brothers. Just remember the shaheeds in Sikh history. Did they give up when odds were against them? No, they faced death without fear. There will always be uncertainties in life, but a strong Sikh believer must always walk confidently and face the enemy (Maya) will the help the Guru. People wil try to convince you that you're worthless and that your life does not matter, but in reality, your life does matter and you must LIVE to serve the purpose for which you came to earth for.

It's likely that this women has forgotten all about you. A Sikhi life should be dedicated to the constant jaap of Waheguru. Worldly relations and attachment to them will always cause you pain. You must ask the giver of inner peace to calm the desires of your mind. That women does not belong to you, she belongs to God, so you must not feel the pain of this separation. Try to feel the pain of your separation from God, because he is you mother, father, sister, brother, wife, and so forth. God will send other people into your life that will bring you happiness. All I can say is that just don't try to get so attached in your relationships, because people will always hurt and deceive. It is only the Almighty you can truly trust and love dearly in a world full of falsehood.

It's likely that this women has forgotten all about you. A Sikhi life should be dedicated to the constant jaap of Waheguru. Worldly relations and attachment to them will always cause you pain. You must ask the giver of inner peace to calm the desires of your mind. That women does not belong to you, she belongs to God, so you must not feel the pain of this separation. Try to feel the pain of your separation from God, because he is you mother, father, sister, brother, wife, and so forth. God will send other people into your life that will bring you happiness. All I can say is that just don't try to get so attached in your relationships, because people will always hurt and deceive. It is only the Almighty you can truly trust and love dearly in a world full of falsehood.