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Basically over the past few days I have started noticing changes within myself. Can't really describe it but emotionally, on the inside I felt like a burning oven. In pain all the time, I mean all the time! :|

It took a lot of meditation and prayer, but the minute my meditation became selfless, I basically started feeling that in my prayer, I don't really need anything but naam. I actually started feeling blessed. felt really cool. (that feeling can't be described, and it felt like it was radiating from within but it wasn't actually me)

and then I said to myself, well this is coming from me, I am doing this. the pain came back. but then I said wow there is something great inside of me, but it is not actually me I am a part of it. and I need to pray and bow down to it, my ego needs to bow down to it, the internal coolness came back. I need to love and adore that I need to pray to that, I need to please it because it loves me and wants the best for me. the only way it happens is if the ego bows down to it.

it sort of feels like a best friend that you hold sacred, and pray to because you do not want it to leave. the ego wants to say its me and me alone, but it doesn't really work that way. It is found within me but much greater than me.

so essentially, is god like the superego, that the ego has to bow down to to be able to reap the benefits?

:)